what does it mean when a good friend doens't really care for your new friends

[stormie]

what does this mean:

 

I have a good friend who shows that she doesn't like a group of new friends I made.

 

It's not like my new friends are not nice - in fact the opposite - they're very nice and even go out of their way to talk to my friend.

 

The problem is that my friend is not interested in talking to them. In fact, even though these new friends live right by her, she would rather make herself distant. She hasnt' said anything to me, but just shows she doesn't care much through her behavior.

 

I don't know if I should think of that as a form of insecurity or that she is trying to distance herself. (This is the same person I posted about before where I feel she's trying to distance herself)

[sophie274]

There are a number of reasons, from the simplest to the most complex:

- for whatever reason, she just doesn't click with them - just a personality thing

- she disapproves of them or thinks they are not "good people", because of something she's seen or heard

- she's jealous of the time you spend with them, is worried about them replacing her, and is lashing back out

- she doesn't want to be close friends anymore and is trying to distance herself

 

If you two are close friends, why not talk to her about it? You could just tell her you sense she doesn't like them, and that you're surprised because you thought they would get along. Hopefully she'll tell you what's going on, whatever it may be.

 

Sometimes people just don't click for whatever reason as well: for instance, a good friend of mine has a newish girlfriend, and although she's a perfectly nice and decent person, she just rubs me the wrong way. I try very hard to be friendly and nice to her when we're together, but I would never choose to hang out with her, and would prefer to spend time alone with my friend. It's not that I think she's malicious in any way: we're just not a match. (Just to say, if she tells you she's just not feeling it, you could give her the benefit of the doubt and not read too much into it, as that's possible as well.)

[SoMuchLove]

I think she doesn't click with them. It's been my case several times. However, all the other scenarios mentioned above are quite possible as well.

[YabbaDabba]

My first guess would be that she's jealous/wary about your new friendship(s). She either consciously, or subconsciously, sees these new friends as a threat to your friendship. I've been that 'jealous' friend before, without even meaning to be. Especially if you've been friends with someone for a long time, and have gotten used to having them almost all to yourself (or used to a certain group of friends) it can throw the balance of things when one person branches out and starts hanging out with new people.

 

As a young adolescent (I was about 13), my fear/anxiety about losing my friend manifested as ignoring her new friend. And myself and other friends in our original group would make comments about how we "don't like" the "new girl." It was completely childish, but none of us realized--at the time--that it wasn't that we didn't like her; it was just that we didn't like that she represented change.

 

Anyway, the ironic thing is that I ended up becoming very good friends with the "new girl" after a while; like, best friends. To the point that, years later, other people would always comment about how similar we were, and how much time we spent together. So, it wasn't that we didn't click, it's just that I--and, maybe your friend--needed to give the new friend a chance.

 

On the other hand, though, it really could be that your friend simply doesn't like these new people. Ask her if she'd be willing to hang out with them a few times; if, after that, she doesn't want anything to do with them, then don't push the issue--I mean, you can't MAKE her like them. But if it's a case of her just disliking the IDEA of your new friends, then spending time with you all together might help ease some of her fear/animosity.

 

Good luck, either way.