please give advice

[jen07]

 

 

Ive known my ex for about 4 years already. we started dating back then and things were always a bit strange. he wouldn't really talk to me at times, he would push me away unconsciously, and i finally decided this wasn't working for me. we kept trying it for about 6 months but i cant say things got better. while we were trying to patch things up, we ended up having sex. he was my first and according to him so was I. for a while after that we kept seeing each only to have sex. he would pick me up, we would go have sex and that was it. i decided to end it even tho it hurt me so much to do so. i was single for about 6 months after that and started dating someone else. i thought this other person was amazing. he treated me really good, was always there for me, and made me feel like i was the most important thing in his life. i had this relationship for about 2.5 years and didn't even think or miss my ex.

 

then one day, my sister had a casual conversation with my ex..he told her he really regret losing me, that he realized no girl was going to treat him like i did and that he would like to apologize to me for his actions. i didn't think much of it at the time. then one day my sister and i decided to go have lunch with him and his friend. i wanted to go because i was curious as to how he would act in front of me after so long. he was totally different! i was amazed. his personality, and the way he acted was really nice. we exchanged numbers and for the next few months we was the person i always wanted him to be. he even told me that he would like for us to try dating again, which i didn't even think about because i was already in another relationship.

 

time passed and we kept hanging out and talking- learning more about each other than ever before. i told myself i wouldn't fall for him again and that i was going to "make him really regret" messing up the first time. i spoke to soon and started falling for him....i even ended my relationship because i was really confused about my feelings for them both. i started going over to his house and i finally met his family. his mother and dad were really nice to me and he seemed glad to have me over and spend time with not only him, but his family as well.

 

the sex started going on again....over and over.... every time we hung out, that's all we did. i cant deny that i love it more than ever... but sadly, now we are back to how we were before. we don't talk as much, he started being quiet and not so talkative and all we do when we hang out is have sex. i really would like to have a stable relationship instead of just sex with him. but it feels like he's not interested in that. some days he'll text me all day and we just talk about our days and how they're going. then 2 days will pass and i wont hear from him... a few days later we talk again like nothing happened...... i tell myself i am just his booty call.. that he doesn't care but i always end up going back.... is this simply because he was my first and I'm so attached to that??? if he doesn't care why did he take my home to meet the family....

 

i really do love him. and we've been through so much these past years. i just wish he would step it up a bit and be the man i have always needed him to be.... deep down i know it can happen...but i also feel like it never will.

am i wasting my time talking to him? i cant take it anymore....i dont know what to do......

[AJEDrew7]

If you feel like a booty call, don't let yourself be a booty call. By reading, it does seem like that's what your relationship is. You can see if he sticks around if there isn't sex involved. Be careful though, some guys really will put out more effort just to get sex and then he could end up back off again like he has now. IMO, it doesn't seem like a real relationship and he isn't putting the effort in to make it that way. So, I would say it would be best to put him in the past. If you want to know you're making the right decision, see if he sticks around and makes an effort to talk without the sex. Seems to me you want more from the relationship than what you're getting, so take control and see if that's what he wants.

[Speranza]

You don't really love HIM, you love 'the man you've always needed him to be' - who sadly, doesn't exist.

 

What happened to your other Ex? It sounds like you just dumped him to chase a fantasy - don't you miss him at all?

 

Perhaps you need to step back and sort out what you REALLY want in a relationship. I think you made good decisions for good reasons the first time you dumped this guy, and those reasons are all still around.

 

Just don't try to mess with your other Ex - hopefully he has been able to move on after having his love and care thrown in his face. Leave him to heal.

 

I hope you do, too. Respect yourself. and try not to confuse lust and 'First love' with real, enduring passion and love for another person.

 

EVERYone has these feelings for that First Guy. Well, almost everyone. The trick is to realise that they will ALWAYS be there but they don't mean you were meant to be, usually anyway.

 

I met my first love last year, hadn't seen him for thirty years. I felt curious. And as soon as I saw him I realised how right it had been to separate, there was NOTHING in common. He was a nice, good man but I couldn't imagine having lived a life with him.

 

Let yourself move on - you KNOW this isn't right and you KNOW you deserve more.

 

Chalk one up to life... hugs.

[jen07]

AJEDrew7: i have tried that many times and its weird because when that happens, he spends more time with me, he invites me over to his house to spend time with him and his family, but it seems like sex changes his attitude completely. I heard him talk to his cousin one time when he thought i wasn't listening and he said i was the "love of his life." it just doesn't make any sense. but thanks for your advice, i do have to take control and just find out what he really wants.

[jen07]

Speranza: my other ex moved away, he enrolled in the army and we broke up before i started hanging out and talking to the other one again. i didn't just throw his love and care away, it just ended up not working out for us after all. i know i should move on and all, but i just cant. i guess i dont really know how to. there's always that bit of hope that keeps me attached to him...