Just a Quick Q About a Marriage-happy Girlfriend

[Tide]

i'll make this quick because i don't want to create any bias my way or hers about the situation. i just need some honest answers.

 

me and my baby met a year and a half ago. she was engaged, i had been with my ex for 3 years. we both left our significant others and hooked up.

 

for a while we talked marriage, but i told her i wasn't sure, and that i'd change my mind about once a week, so i basically warned her not to trust in any quixotic ideas i put in her head. (i do alot of dreaming.) the deal is this: i have no idea what i will do with my life. i'm 21, she's 23. she has the house, the steady job, everything. the only reason i've had the same job for as long as i have is because i signed a contract (go navy!). i make some plans, but everything in my life is so dynamic, my dreams and plans change constantly.

 

for over a year we stuck it out cuz we're honest with eachother. we have a house and a dog and a lot of really phenomenal sex. but yesterday my brother got married, and i freaked - it was a huge surprise. i'm thinking "he's only 24!!" and she's thinking "he waited till 24!?"

 

this morning my girlfriend tells me she can't take me flip-flopping about marriage anymore, and she won't be able to wait for me to make a decision about marrying her. for some reason she's in a big hurry to do the whole family thing, and i'm not.

 

well there's goes my attempt at sounding unbiased...anyway, i never tried to hurt this girl. i told her i get imaginative and create these totally possible perfect lives for us, but that the ideas change from time to time. now it's over? everything was perfect...or so i thought.

 

the question is this: i'm going out to sea for six months in a week - is she ditching me to have her freedom while i'm gone? if i stay with her, will she still push the marriage issue? if i marry her, do you think things will saty wonderful between us? what's the best way to keep this going? or the best way to end it? and which should i do?

 

well there goes my attempt at being quick...

[VickiRose]

You still have your life ahead of your only 21 and she is still young too only 23. Perhaps, she just wants proof, like an engagement ring, there is a such thing as a long engagement ya know? (2,3 yrs)....

Anyways, you should just ask yourself some qustions before taking the big step or not.

Do you have any doubts about marrying her?

Why does she want to get married? Then why would you?

What would you do if you did have a family? Would you continue to be in the NAVY or would you like to do something else like go to school?

Is there anything that completely annoys you about this person?

What is it that you love about this girl?

Is she the ONE?

I did a search on yahoo, why get married? heres some links...

link removed

link removed

I hope this helps...

[Princess777]

Hey,

 

Don't ask her to marry you unless you are absolutely sure. I keep thinking about the one key thing you said early on: She was engaged, I was with my ex for 3 years. She was once already engaged, and dumped him to be with you. What kind of trust is that? If you do a little digging, I'll bet she pressured that guy to marry her too..... it sounds like she is in love with the idea of being married moreso than the people she's pressuring to get married. You sound very sweet, the way you talk about her, and I can tell you have strong feelings for her, but you just aren't quite ready to take the plunge. You probably have mixed emotions about committing yourself to one woman for the rest of your life, even if she could be the ONE. Well, hon, there are more than one of ONES who could be the ONE. Know what I mean? The fact that she's pressuring you to marry her, from a female perspective, to me, is somewhat selfish, and somewhat closed minded. If she truly loves you I think she wouldn't object to waiting.... I mean, you've been together a year and half but how much of that time have you actually lived together? That is a real test. No, definitely don't propose just because you feel pressured. You will end up resenting her later. However, she is entitled to her own personal boundaries and if she feels that she needs to be married by a certain time then let her have that. You can only control yourself..... offer what you feel you can actually fulfill, and nothing more. If you really were ready, you would know it, believe me!

The other post had a lot of good questions to ask yourself. Go through those and evaluate this fully, but in the meantime, tell your girlfriend that while you love her dearly (if this is true), you ask that she give you some time to think about your future together. Talk it out with her and ask her what are her fears about not being married? Does she just want to have someone to come home to, and have kids, etc..... or does she just want the security of knowing you won't leave her? Try to find out these things and make your decision from there.

[wendella]

I think that girls are brought up to believe that thier knight in shining armour is coming to take them away and then he will marry her and have a perfect live and perfect children and etc...

 

Most younger and some older women are blinded by this dream. I know I was and my sister who is 20 is totally now.

 

When in reality here is the truth about marriage and life. Nothing is perfect. Things that possibly can go wrong, will. Marriage does not cure a bad relationship. Marriage does not change the relationship, which is why many women are disappointed and try to take control of the relationship after they are married. It is just a commitment to each other and a legal binding contract. The relationship is still the relationship.

 

I can see the point of wanting to get a ring for a sign of commitment. But if she doesn't feel commitment already she won't feel it from a ring...

 

Think about if you and her are ready to be grown up with real problems real debt real children with real sicknesses really not having time for each other and never spending the quality time you may be able to now. Enjoy your youth for sure. Don't rush and if it's real you will be married in time.

 

this it totally my opinion not advice....

Life is real.

 

good luck