How to move on?

[saren]

What's the best way

[avman]

The best way to rid yourself of those thoughts is to fill your head with other thoughts.

 

Take up a hobby, do something just for yourself that you've always wanted to do.

 

Go out with your friends and spend time doing something you all enjoy.

 

Enroll in a class and better yourself personally. It could be acadamic, fitness, spiritual, whatever.

 

Help someone else. This can be incredibly rewarding to your personally - and also beneficial to those who need it most. Head down to your local nursing home, womens shelter, homeless shelter, animal shelter, etc and ask if they need a volunteer. Giving is the best form of therapy I've ever found.

 

The most important thing to do is LIVE. Don't put your life on hold. Keep living. With time, those thoughts will get less and less. Just don't let them consume you and take over your life.

 

avman

[Up and Down]

Start no contact. Get out of the house with friends, even if you are mopping and don't want to. Start new hobbies, meet new people. I know some of this may sound cliche, but it helps a lot. Having good friends or just a single one to hang out with and to vent to is good to. Sometimes even though you may not need advice just saying your pains out loud helps relief some of the pressure and thoughts. Another good thing is to start a journal and vent in there when ever you get mad. Try not to censor yourself just right as thoughts come into your head. Its good therapy, I don't typically keep a journal but have found it therapeutic after break ups. I know I have closure when I can look at it and throw it out, I just did so recently...was actually three books, bad break up. But it felt wonderful to throw them out, realized I had let go.

 

Do nice things for yourself to, new haircut, clothes etc.

 

Hope this helps.

[may222]

its hard.....trust me it is I would do anything as well but it makes me still think about it even when I am still with that person...u got to be true t urself and move on with or without him....its girl power and u can do it

 

mayssia

[mahlina]

Hi Saren,

 

I want to congradulate you for taking the initiative to move on. You know what helps me in moving on, well I can't say it any better than Avman. Yes, be active. Be as active as you can. Live your life. Continue on living.

 

Here's a few simple tips to move on:

1. Realize: That this person, won't be the last person that you'll ever love. Keeping this healthy attitude is good enough to know that you have a 'great start' in the process of 'moving on.' Otherwise, holding back on your feelings for an ex, will only stunt personal growth to move on. They left, no one can force anyone to love the other person, so take on that "Oh, Well" attitude, and you'll be okay.

 

2. Get on Your Feet- Try not to mope and lay in bed for too long. Get out of your bed. I know it's hardest, especially to get out of bed in the morning, but do your bed, and take up cooking or something. Make it an incentive to explore 'new' recipes, so that you can whip up a wonderful and 'healthy' meal in the morning. Whatever you do, don't stay in one spot and dwell.

 

3. Exercise- pop in a Richard Simmons video or something. (LoL! J/K! My guy cousin exercises to Simmons, I just sit there and crack up! He loves the video!) Yes, entertain yourself. Indulge in your favorite exercises: dancing, swimming, or other fun things like boogie boarding, be CREATIVE!

 

4. DVDs- Movies- Watch movies that will help you to heal. One of my favorite movies to watch and gain strength from a breakup is: "Waiting to Exhale". Chick flicks are the best, when trying to heal. Ultimately, Waiting to Exhale for me, helps out the most, because it's about these strong women, who were basically all cheated on, except for one (I think), who had ENOUGH, and bond together in sisterhood to regain personal strength. Anyway, it helpts to build up that diva "No one's gonna stop me" Attitude. After watching that video, it makes me want to snap my fingers, and give my ex a hand, because I realize that, I won't fall into my weakness, and let him get the best of me, by saying, "No More!" "I am not letting you hurt me anymore! You are not worth dwelling!"

 

In the end, after you do things to 'excite' yourself, motivate yourself to move on, you can pile up your ex's belongings, go out with your girlfirends, and have a nice BONFIRE! Yes, throw all of his belongings in there! No, I'm just kidding!

 

Anyway, try not to suppress your emotions, acknowledge it, and move on. Healing takes time. So, hang in there Saren!

 

Take Care,

Mahlina

[saren]

Thank you, all, for your advice and support. I'm doing the no-contact thing right now, and I think he'll be noticing my drop off the earth's face soon, but I told him I'd still be his friend, and as time goes on, I just can't bring myself to talk to him or be around him, because he acts like nothing ever happened (except for the fact that he's got a new girl who he's at the whim of *sigh*) ... Should I just never talk to him again and never tell him why, or what? I want his friendship, but I want the friendship of the man I met in the beginning, not the one he became at the end that makes me cry. I don't really need any more of that.

[perplexed]

i am 46 and going through the same thing. my break up was 5 months ago. we talked for a few months and i realized it was doing me NO GOOD. our relationship lasted about 2 years. i do so well, things get so much better. and then he contacts me and wants to play games it starts it all over again. not at the beginning, but it is almost worse because i know i am the one dropping the ball by falling into it. humans would be so much more productive w/o hearts, but there would go all the passion too.

 

what makes it hard on me is that i get more mad at myself by being deluded by MY romanticism than this wonderful man that showed me i could love again.

 

i am old enough to know that there is more than one love out there for us. i know we change, we grow and god has wonderful things in store for us. sometimes it is just VERY difficult to accept.

 

i wish us both strength, peace and acceptance.

[oxygen_lsv]

omg... all the things you said above somehow gave me hope to live... i felt as if the world is over... i ruined my life for this boy... i guess it was my fault... i got to attached and now can't let go... i'll try to find something that will fill my mind... thnx guys...

[saren]

Still plugging along. I have a feeling it's going to take a long time to get over this entirely. I was pretty attached to him. Do you think it's possible to be friends with someone after you loved them, even when they aren't loving you? I feel like I'm not wanted around, so I don't really have anything to say to him. Is it possible to be "friends", like he wanted, without falling into the trap of hoping he'll come back?

[oxygen_lsv]

girl... i know exactly wat you mean.. it will take a long time.. but if u help urself it will be faster... and about you being friends with him... i'm not really sure... cuz i'm still hoping for my bf to come back... i don't want just friend... see look at me.. giving you advice of forgtting but i'm the one who can't forget..

[saren]

I can't forget either. I can't stand seeing him knowing that there's some other girl who outdid me attached to him out there somewhere. What's the point? It would just reinforce to me that I Lost. And it's doubtful he cares. But I don't know what he's feeling. He won't tell me. Only does small talk, and then I feel sad for the rest of the day because I'm laden with thoughts of him.

 

I donno... Time for a shrink.

[CC]

i'm going through the same as you. everytime i get sad and start looking back, i head of to the gym! sweat it all out! i tried body combat to let my anger out too! after a good work out i feel much happier - plus looking better too. i know its hard but i always remind myself that a man that truly loves me will not make me feel sad and make me cry so much. the right one will make me even happier than before.

[Nooxie]

Saren,

Don't worry, I'm going through the same thing. My boyfriend calls me to discuss certian stupid issues, such as work related stuff, and he acts like he's fine, and totally over it. It makes me feel like crap....cause I just keep wondering, "Oh my gosh, he's just 'over it'...like nothing". That just kills me inside!

 

But we have to keep moving. This is NOT the last guy you are going to love! I promise you it isn't! You are going to meet someone new, who will love you, and treat you better. I know it feels like the end of the world right now. But it's not. Just keep thinking, "What if you died tomorrow?" Would you have done everything that you wanted to do?

Of course not! Your only 20! So there are lots of things I'm sure you want to do before you die! Right? Do them now! You have no one to hold you back, or criticize you for your wants right? Have fun! Live your life!

 

And trust me, when you are doing those things...you never know. Someone new might come along..

 

Good luck & Take care!

[saren]

I like to go to the gym to try to work off the negative energy. I used to do it because I wanted to look good to impress him, but it didn't work. Now I do it so I can continue to fit my clothes. ;-)

 

I keep having this little day dreams about trying to win him over a few years down the road. That's probably not a good thing to foster, is it?

 

Would it be the mature thing to try to be friends, and maybe try to put my bid in again later when he's more mature, or just forget it and never talk to him again, and let him learn what happens when you treat a good girl badly.

[JonnyG]

Still a mystery to me. Time is the ultimate healer i believe though. Like the above said, u need to get your mind off it. The gyms great for me, not only is it the one time when i can truly forget about her, its also great for your health. stay around with friends and try to have good laughs to cheer yourself up and make urself feel better. I split up with my ex like 14 weeks ago, and i still think of her all the time. We still talk, theres still a chance we could be together again at some stage, but im not holding my breath. Good luck, it hurts a lot, but im sure u will get through it.

[Eating_Scarlett]

Everytime I try to start a new topic, it won't let me. Anyone know why?

 

Meanwhile, I'm in the same boat. Any advice is appreciated. I feel like I'm obsessed with him because I can't stop thinking about him.

[bitterbear]

Seems like a lot of people are in the same situation...

 

I broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago.

 

I wanted to find closure by seeing her straight after and havings things returned and talking to each other face to face.

 

I found myself calling her and getting all emotional about it.

 

For the last few days I've gone my own way and only last night she called me as if she had a new lease on her life and that she "missed me as a friend."

 

Damn, I knew I shouldn't have picked up.

 

My advice is to just let the situation play out so that they reveal their true character.

 

If they call, don't pick up... leave them a message later to tell them you're busy and you'll get back to them later.

 

You have to protect your own assets first, even though you're still thinking about them and wish that things didn't go pear shaped.

[Sli]

"I can't stand seeing him knowing that there's some other girl who outdid me attached to him out there somewhere."

 

"I keep having these little day dreams about trying to win him over a few years down the road."

 

Saren this other girl didn't 'out do' you she was just next in line! maybe if he had met the other girl 1st then you would be in her position now who knows? Don't devalue yourself, she is no better than you, we are all complex individuals with different tastes and there are just too many variables in relationships to measure winners and losers. Like I said she is no better than you, he had his reasons to be with you too. Once your self esteem has recovered from this hit you'll realise this and probably pity the fool who lost his chance. I don't know about you but my love doesn't come cheap, neither should yours, especially after he's shown you just how much he deserves it.

 

Take care

Sli

[Sli]

oops

[saren]

What? WHat's wrong?

[Sli]

Hi

 

Very strange - disappearing posts

 

I'll PM you stuff...

 

Sli

[saren]

Well, Sli,

 

He made contact with me today. It's long, so go check your PM box.