He actually told me the truth..now I don't know how take it!

[allstarsassyone]

You may have found posts by me written about my current relationship. Well, things are doing a lot worse now. It has been almost 5 years since we decided to move in and live with each other. Ever since then we had our arguments and our good times too. I have always had this problem of him having sexual contacts with other girls before me. That's been very important to me in my life. He got mad and said yeah I had sex before you, every day, with anyone. I don't know how to accept it and move on maybe with even better things! We have a daughter and he argues so madly about our place being his. That I can't have company over just for a couple of days! I don't want it to bother me but it hurts that it actually does! What should I do everything is very emotional?

[OceanEyes]

He couldn't have been serious. For starters, unless your guy is BRAD FREAKIN PITT, he is NOT getting laid with anyone, anytime. I am sorry but it just doesn't work that way. In order for a guy to have several sexual parteners all the time, he would either have to:

 

1. Have TONS of skanky female friends. I know of circles like this where everyone sleeps with everyone over time.

 

2. Be the smoothest talker and best looking guy in 4 states. Either one is good on it's own, but both, he would be unstoppable. I don't know about you, but I don't just sleep with any guy. In fact, some will actually turn me off just by talking to them. It's a heck of a lot easier for a girl to get laid than a guy.

 

3. Be a man of incredible stature or wealth. Some guys who have a certain profession such as being the owner of a nightclub, lawyers, etc., will tend to be able to pick up A LOT. My ex boyfriend owned a nightclub and told me that if he wanted, he could have taken a different girl home with him every night he was there. Mind you, the girls were probably not the most virtuous, but it still counts as a notch on the bedpost.

 

If he's with you now, he's confessed his love and adoration for YOU, why bother digging up and giving him a hard time about his past? I slept with other guys before I met my boyfriend, but there is nobody I would rather be with right now than him, and I can't see that ever changing!

 

He seems like the type of guy who is going to say something spiteful if you push him far enough. To be honest with you I can't really say that I wouldn't behave in the same way. You must accept that you have not been the only one if you want to continue a relationship with him. Unless you're 15 years old, you are going to find that it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to find a guy with no track record at all.

[laurag78]

It really shouldn't matter what happened before you. You were not together then. what do u expect, for him not to have a past before you? What matters is the present, that he loves you now and that he has you now. Leave the past exactly where it should be, in the past.

 

Now, about your home, there is where i see a problem. It is both your homes'. and that is why you will both need to come to an agreement on what the rules of the home will be.

 

Question? why are u so upset about his past?

[allstarsassyone]

How do I actually ask him to sit doen peacefully and talk about our house rules? He got mad when I didn't know what happened to the little bottle of apple juice in his car and things started getting bad because of that! Wish I had some great pointers too...

[Michael2]

THe past is the past.

 

Unfortunately these feelings, I believe, stem from your insecurity issues.

 

Face it, people have sex before they meet their SO, and when they breakup, they have sex after that.

 

Does he give you a reason to be so concerned. Has he cheated on you. Does he flirt with girls in front of you.

 

I have a feeling he said this because I think this is a major issue in your relationship. How ofter do you ask him about his sexual past?

[Mr. Good Man]

Hi allstarsassyone,

 

It may be insecurity problems and the past does belong in the past. But, I see another issue that's more important. Why does he argue with you and get very agitated and angry over the littlest things?

 

Based on my experience, someone who is controlling and has a bad temper may end up physically, emotionally and mentally abusing people. I hope that is not the case in your situation but the signs are there.

 

While I would normally say, "Sit down and talk with the guy" I'm a little hesitant to recommend that since you mentioned he get's upset easily. This is a tough one! Have to think about it a little more.

[laurag78]

Bottle of apple juice? He sounds like if he's a little tempermentle, don't ya think.

 

Let me ask you something , How is the overall relationship doing?

If you can't even sit him down to talk about things, without him getting angry, then you guys are in big trouble. The number one thing in a relationship has to be communication, without it, it can't work in the long run. You both have to set your needs on the table and then comprimise.

 

Do you guys get along? You really need to talk, how are you going to work out any issues if you can't talk about them.

 

If he refuses to talk, then maybe it's time to rethink about what you want.

Maybe it'd be best to move on. Never settle for less. Life is to short. Good luck!

 

Whatever does not kill you, will only make you stronger!