husband contracted std while we were splitt up

[ash56]

hi im new to this forum, neede to join because i need to get all this out of me....We splitt up in feb and we managed to get back 2gether in april , b4 we slept together i asked him if he has been with anyone else to which he replied he hadnt , if he had answered yes the condoms would of come out .. to cut a long story short 2 weeks ago he was diagnosed with Gonerreah ( very painfull ) i was visiting my mum abroad at the time so i couldnt get checked , he blamed me for giving it to him to which i answered i couldnt of cos if i had it he would already have it from me... I got checked at the clinic yesterday and was told im suffering from acute PID brought on by Gonerreah infection, over the past 4 weeks i have been in imense agony with stomach problems and pelvic pain , no i have been advised that they are waiting for the infection to clear up 4 lots of antibiotics b4 they do exploritry surgery to see the damage. He admitted to me yesterday that he slept with someone while we separated obviously that part of it is twisting me up inside , but i gave him the oppurtunity to not put me at risk and to save his own neck he said noo.....He went to kiss and cuddle me last night but it just made me feel physically sick ....Will this feeling last or will it go.......cos i still love him but hate him at the same time........

[tiger_lilies]

I am so sorry you are going through this....your husband has betrayed you not only emotionally, but physically too! If I were you I'd be so pissed off!!!! Which I'm sure you are.

 

You may love him, but can you forgive him? If you can, it'll take some time. Can you forgive the person who has hurt you the most??? Are you able to wipe the slate clean and not feel like a victim??? Do you think he'll do this again?...has he cheated on you before?

[ash56]

hi tiger thanks for the response erm not sure at this time as to if i can forgive him, yes i am angry at the fact he has made me go through illness due to as he puts it his mistake, i can honestly say i dont think he has strayed b4....... but as u know men can lie and are how can i put it not very forward with the truth, Just trying to get through the day s without cracking up....But i do appreciate the reply as u were the only one cheers appreciate at least im not so alone now

[tiger_lilies]

I can't believe no one else replied. This is a hot topic! One of which I strongly feel for you.

 

No Ash, you are not alone. PM me anytime. Take care of yourself. You are not at fault, you've been made a victim....by your husband. ARe you still with him?

[cinabun6]

Hey ash.....

I cant believe wat has happened to you. I hope youre doin okay. If i had been a earlier member i would have replied before. I hope you can forget about your husband because once a cheater always a cheater hun. he really did betray you. Odviously he wasn't thinking about you when he slept with that other woman. Don't worry youll find somebody ok.

[ash56]

Hi yes at this time im still with him, but not sure if i can go on like this i feel so depressed , also im now starting to question everything he has ever said to me im not sure if im now being paranoid or not i keep looking over things and making 2+2 = anything but 4 is this normal .....

Also i will no doubt pm you when things are really tough as i wouldnt want to put what i feel on here I think most cheaters would be horrified

[cinabun6]

HEy Hope you are better now but

LEt me ask you a few questions. Would you like to feel like this forever ?? Would you like to live with a person that you have no trust over? Would you like to live with a person that betrayed you? Do you think youll ever be happy?

 

Staying with this guy is a bad idea. Think about these questions i think it would help you a little bit. There's so much out there girl you CAN do soooo much better even if it's hard. You can be happy again.

 

Do you have any kids with your husband? And how long were you separated?

[ash56]

hopefully i wont feel depressed for ever , no i wouldnt like to live with someone that i have no trust over i Just hope that the trust will return (mayb im being stupid ) I dont know as to if i will ever be happy again with my hubby but i cant just erase all i feel for him i have been with him near to 8 years , I cant make any decisions in my life until i am sure im not doing it on the spur of the moment due i dont want to make a mistake i cant rectify. Erm yes i have one child with my hubby he is a 2and half . We were only separated 8 weeks his Cheating occurred in the 4-5 week i personally think it was b4 that though like week 2 or so .......

[Ingrid]

I have never been married, so my experience may seem limited but I am giving you this advice from the best of my knowledge.

 

First, the two of you were separated, does not that mean that the two of you had the right to sleep around? I mean, separation means that you are trying to live separate lives, your own lives. Unless separation also implies sexual loyalty, then he had the right to feel free to sleep around.

 

Secondly, you should be grateful that your husband came back to you and concentrate on the positive aspects of the relationship. I bet he realized how important you are for him. I don't advice you push him away again. Long-term relationships are serious stuff, both of your feelings are deeply involved and rekinling a relationship is always a better and easier solution than breaking off, especially when there are children involved.

 

It seems that your husband did hire a prostitute, because I don't think most normal women carry that type of disease (although I don't know the percentages). Anyway, it is very probable he got that from a prostitute : that's a good thing for you and a good lesson for him; next time, I bet he will think twice before betraying you.

 

He probably is very embarrassed to tell you this, and he probably wants to bury the incident in the depths of his mind. At least he did not go to a bar, to take sexual advantage of a lonely woman and he did not take the risk to fall in love with a real woman. He just went to see a beep.

 

I am sure he has learnt many things from his experience and you should be grateful he is back. I strongly advice you to bury this in the past, which does not mean you should stop keeping an eye on him. Just have some compassion on the guy. He got probably scared to death to be away from you, men are childlish.

 

Good luck!

[kaboom1218]

I disagree with Ingrid, Ash. If you're still checking this post, I feel that separation or not, his devotion to you was really tested here and he failed. And it would be bad enough if he just slept w/someone, but also contracted something and passed it on to you, which shows his lack of regard for himself and you. And to then lie about it? Come on! I know it's difficult, but maybe the separation needs to be implemented again to really determine if you can live w/someone who has such little regard for your health and feelings. I know a child is involved, but is it worth both of you suffering just to keep a family that your husband never seemed to regard very highly? And what will guarantee he won't do it again?

 

And it's very naive to assume he didn't contract this from some average girl vs. a prostitute. That's why STDs are so rampant. They are considered by some to only affect addicts and prostitutes. NOT TRUE! He could have contracted it from someone he has dealt w/on more than one occasion and could still be dealing with. I had a similar experience and could not bounce back from it. Once the trust is damaged, it's really hard to regain. So do what's best for you and your child. There are plenty of men out there who would treat you and value you more than him. Hope everything works out.

 

Peace

[Cadence308]

You are feeling sheer disgust for your husband. I would too, if I were in your shoes. It was one thing to be split up, but the two of you were still married, so I view it as cheating. I'm sure he viewed it that way, too, having denied been with anyone else while you were separated. Then he lied to you about it in an intimate moment and passed on a painful STD. I think you can get over your disgust at your husband, but it's going to take some time.