Ex coming back

[spatzcolumbo]

Bexcelant...exactly - there are so many mixed up thoughts inside my head that i sometimes forget that my ex must have some prettymixed up thoughts too - when we split she was INCREDIBLY confused, and this only confirms to me that she wasn't 100% happy with the split. Her actions since then have been just as mixed.

 

I just think its interesting in terms of what i said about the thought processes during the months after a process, both for those dumpers who do not go straight back into a relationship, and for those that do...there is a natural reaction to compare, and i'm sure that at some point a degree of uncertainty can creep back in....as i say, i think this probably happens once the 'newness' of the relationship has worn off!!

[dikaia880]

Oh the likeness between our situations Spatz...you must be my UK counterpart...

 

All my ex could keep saying half the time was I'm confused, sorry I just want things to be clear...

 

I give you clear...I am and always will be the right guy for you...okay I didn't say that, but sometimes I wonder what if I had...

Oh well...

 

I sort of envy you at this moment spatz and at the same time I don't...you get to see your ex this summer, soon if I remember correctly...but then she'll be off back to college....who knows what will happen to you, I, or anyone else...I have to wait to be around my ex, but then it will be for a long time...Maybe your ex comes back to you this summer, hell maybe mine does too, maybe neither...

What bothers me most about this, like my last pm to you spatz is that I do not know what it is I am supposed to learn from all this...every other relationship I've been in has taught me a lesson, now it's five months and the only thing I've learned is that no matter how much someone cares for you, no matter how hard you work to keep it alive, it may just die (well hopefully it's just hibernating) So far all it's taught me is to protect my heart and be careful with the love I have to give...I don't think thats what I want to learn...urgghhhhh...well at least it's time to get away from my desk and hit the gym...

Goodnight all...

[spatzcolumbo]

Hahaha yeah i feel the same Dikaia - it gets kinda spooky sometimes just how similar the situations are...i had the whole "i'm confused but i really want to work things out and i'm sure we can be good because i know how much i love you" etc etc....and I pushed it and pushed it until i got the answer i knew i didn't want...and to this day i wonder what would have happened if i hadn't pushed it...if i had just let her have the time to make up her own mind....but thats all in the past now...i just have to decide what to do in the present and the future!!!

 

But like you, i don't know what i am meant to have learnt from this - everyone always says that you come out stronger after a breakup...and that you learn things...well so far all i have learnt is that i don't understand women. And i knew that before!!!

[DaisyB]

there are so many mixed up thoughts inside my head that i sometimes forget that my ex must have some prettymixed up thoughts too - when we split she was INCREDIBLY confused, and this only confirms to me that she wasn't 100% happy with the split. Her actions since then have been just as mixed.

 

Exactly. . . my ex has apologized many times for sending mixed signals. I know he's not playing games -- he truly IS mixed up. But sometimes I forget that. Since he initiated the break-up, I sometimes assume that he must be happy and content with the decision. But the truth is that some days, he seems much more mixed up than I am.

 

Along the lines of exes "forgetting" about you. . . there's no way. Your ex will not just forget you. My gosh, I remember the boy I had a crush on in second grade.

 

In my last serious relationship (with the ex-ex), I was the dumper. And I can tell you that I still think about my ex-ex on a fairly frequent basis, even though it's been about 5 years since we dated. I don't think about wanting him back, but I do wonder what he's doing now, think about good times we shared, wonder what might have happened if. . .

 

I was pretty cold to him after the break-up, just because that was the only way I knew to move on. I rarely returned his calls or emails, even when he tried to contact me several years after the break-up. I'm sure that he thinks I've forgotten about him, or I never loved him, and neither one of those is true. I just wanted to give both of us a chance to heal, and I didn't want to lead him on. 5 years later, and I still don't know if I did it the right way. But I did the best I could do at the time.

 

Interesting how this break-up has me re-evaluating all my other past relationships. And I thought those were long since dead and gone. . .

[spatzcolumbo]

I take it you have seen High Fidelity?:

 

Interesting how this break-up has me re-evaluating all my other past relationships. And I thought those were long since dead and gone. . .

 

I take heart from reading the positive posts about how exes DON'T forget and about how they DO still think of you...my ex told me that she still thinks of me a lot!! These kinds of posts are the ones which tell us that maybe, if we can handle it, then friends is the way forward, with a view to the longer term goal of getting more than that.

 

But then you risk not healing for yourself i guess.

[DaisyB]

I LOVE High Fidelity! (It was also, interestingly, my first date with my ex. Sort of "our movie." Maybe this break-up was fate. . . )

 

I think few people can handle being friends with their exes -- I've only got one ex (from way back in high school!) that's still a friend -- he lives in a different state, and we only talk about once or twice a month, but I do joke that I'd consider dating him if we were ever single at the same time!

 

(I wouldn't actually date him, by the way. But several years ago, I might have.)

 

Do we risk not healing for ourselves if we're friends with our exes? I think we risk having the healing process take a lot longer. Is that risk worth it? Who knows. . .

[fantasia2004]

I believe most exes try to forget their dumpees. And I don't think being friends allows you to heal unless both parties are comfortable with the present situation.

I just don't think that exes care anymore. I am sure of it.

 

 

 

And what is the plot for high fidelity?

[dikaia880]

I think in more situations than not the dumper thinks of the dumpee....

I don't care if my ex thinks about me...the only reason I want her to think of me is if she's thinking of me in the "i messed up, I want him back" way...

I think of a girl that I hurt really bad all the time...we had become friends two years after i hurt her and we talked a lot...a year and a half ago (two years after the break or so) I actually thought I wanted her back for awhile...or at least thought I was having feelings for her...And thats after I broke up with her because after 7 and a half months I knew I didn't love her and never would becuase I had been trying so hard to fall in love with her, but just couldn't....

 

 

So as much as I hate all of this and thinking about her and wondering if she thinks of me...I'm sure she does...I don't see how she couldn't...

It's like on Swinger's (the movie that is about my life, right down to the part where I'm moving back, not for her, but still) Mike's ex calls him after 6 months, just as he's found someone else...and he asks his ex why she hadn't called if she missed him? She tells him she picked up the phone everynight... Now I can't say our ex's pick up the phone everynight, or how much they really miss us....but they do think of us...and someday they will call...the question is where are we going to be when they do call...Someday's I like to think at that point I'll be moved on and not care, other days i just wait for the call...time will tell...

Hig Fidelity is a great movie...except he does everything your not supposed to do to get someone back...and he gets her back, it would never work that way in real life (well maybe, but probably not)

[spatzcolumbo]

High Fidelity - guy owns a record store, gets dumped by his girlfriend, and then whilst listening to appropriate music, recounts his top five breakups of all time, revisiting his exes in some circumstances to try to put his mind at rest, when really he is just over analyzing everything!!

 

Sound familiar??

 

I think they end up getting back together...at least they do at some point...can't remember if it lasts tho!!

 

Or according to IMDB:

 

Rob gets ditched (yet again) by his current femalething. This catalysts a sordid self examinatory process about all his failed relationships. It's centred around his record shop, and coloured by his two motley socially inadequate assistants.

 

or

 

Arrested development confronts 30-something Rob Gordon when Laura, his smart and successful lover, leaves him because he hasn't changed since they met. He reviews his top five worst breakups (he constantly makes top five lists, though usually about music). He recalls each breakup, reconnects with these former loves to find out why they dumped him, and wallows in misery losing Laura. Much of it plays out at his vinyl record store where he and two clerks, socially-inept savants, live and breathe obscure contemporary music. Rob makes fruitless attempts to win Laura back, indulges in new relationships laced with fantasy, and tries introspection. What will Laura do?

[dikaia880]

They do get back together...and at the end of the movie...their together...

 

Great movie, but if somebody were to do what Rob does to win laura back he probably would never get her back...

 

I like swinger's better for break-ups... Esp. the opening...Mike and Rob are taking about Mike's ex and Rob says "unfortunately there is nothing you can do to get her back, there are only things you can do to make sure she doesn't come back..."

[spatzcolumbo]

Yeah for sure that is a great movie - might have to dig it out later to give me a bit of motivation!! i've been lacking recently!!

 

Those quotes in raiders post helped in the motivation department!!

[DaisyB]

Swingers is great. . . although I prefer High Fidelity (probably for purely personal reasons).

 

I love that Rob does everything wrong, but Laura comes back anyway. Gives me hope, you know. (Although the reason for her return is her dad dying, and that's not something you can plan for or hope for.) The book is even better than the movie. . . after Laura comes back, Rob realizes he doesn't want her as much as he thought he did, and gets confused again. The movie ends kind of optimistically, while the book is a little darker.

 

I might go rent Swingers again tonight. It's been a few years since I've seen that one. . .

[luxe_13]

Hey guys!

Wow I have been away from this website for a few months now..

My ex broke up with me 7 months ago..

I was fine the last few months...but recently have been thinking about him again...alot!

I am in europe at the moment ...he is in sydney.

i came overseas to get over him and to start my life again.

But it doesn't seem to be working! i am feeling even more determined to get him back!

Have no idea what to do. he has been dating another girl for a few months now.

Anyway it is good to see the same people here - that are still coping with their break ups..i am not the only one still going crazy months later.

 

From what i've read today...i feel a bit better...there is always hope. It's just that we shouldn't cling to it. It will all work out the way it is meant to I suppose

 

I am doing my best to make the most of this trip. And I am enjoying myself. I am at the point where I can go out, have fun and get on with my life. But my ex is still the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing I think of when i go to sleep. It's hard

 

I don't know if i am just torturing myself into believing he could come back or if these dreams and thoughts are my instincts kicking in! Is he the one??

 

Ijust don't know ...something is stopping me from completely giving up.

I caled him last week on his birthday..he sounded happy to hear from me..but i kept it short.

 

I guess my next move will be when i get back..but don't know how to go about it!!....Any Ideas?? there has been such minimal contact in the past 7mths. Don't want to stuff it up.

 

Thanks for Reading and Sharing your stories.

 

xxxxxxxx Luxe

[dikaia880]

Good to see you back Luxe! Sorry your still not there, we all know how it is! Sounds like your doing great for the position your in, keep it up and things will be fine!!!

[luxe_13]

thx so much!

It sux when there are no answers to lifes questions.

we just gotta keep on living and do the best we can

good things can only happen!