Really Need Some Help

[confused2009]

I met this girl about 6 months ago as we worked at the same restaraunt. She is 22 I am 30. just over 3 months ago we hit it off. Things were amazing we spent a ton of time together she even said that I know its crazy but I know i love you and that i want to marry you. Anyways i went away for a week over xmas and got back. We had a fight about her ignoring my phone calls and texts when she was out with her friends. This was sun morning, sunday nite she said sorry and that she missed me and loved me soo much. I told her my feelings were hurt and we kinda got into again. We fell asleep. the next day she had to drive out of town to see her family and said it would go by quickly and she couldnt wait to see me. Well i talked to her last nite and she broke up with me and said i still love you and care for you alot but I dont think i love you I like i did and should anymore and that at this point and time she cant see herself marrying me. She did however say she still wants to see me thursday when she is back and that she does still love me and want me to be a part of her life. Also that is something happens again naturally between us then so be it but right now she cant see it.......So my question is what do I do? I do love this girl and I could really picture myself marrying her. We connected on so many levels.

 

All your help is greatly appreciated!

[unknownme]

I think you must of frightened her with the marrige talk. She might not feel ready to talk about marrige just yet...

[confused2009]

She was actually the one that talked to me about it. She said she could see herself marrying me and that was big because she didnt believe in it. Until after we were together.

[unknownme]

I think you should still see her, spend time, and time will tell..she seems a bit confused as to what she wants out of you guys, Be her friend and be there fore her, don't rush her into anything. Some females don't like to be pressured into a relationship when not ready, so I suggest taking your time..and things will fall back into place

[confused2009]

So she called me last nite, told me about her day and asked about mine. She also invited me to the hockey game on Monday to which she had tickets too I said I would love to.I ended the conversation with ``I should get some sleep``. Texted her sweet Dreams and she texted back goodnight. This morning she was coming back into town and i texted her good morning hope you slept well and have a safe drive also I asked her how she felt about the movie i rented to watch tonite with her (which she invited me over for) and she said yeah sounds good. ill call you when i am back in town.

 

Now i am really confused.......it feels like she still has some serious feelings for me. Was she just super stressed and pressured from family and our fight was the breaking point. And would that cause her to say the things she did but still act like she still loves me.

 

soooo confused

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Honestly, she sounds rather unstable. Talking about love and marriage one second (when she barely knows you) and then breaking up with you because she just doesn't feel love anymore and then talking to you again... etc. I think she is flakey and will probably give you a lot of heartache if you continue with her. With regards to the texting/phoning, I think you were wrong to expect her to respond to you while she was out with her friends. For a few hours while she is out with friends why do you really need to be in contact with her? Couldn't you just talk when she got home or the next day?

[confused2009]

yes i was wrong. I admitted that and apologised for it. I am aware of the unstableness this presents but I really do have strong feelings for her and do want a relationship. How do I proceed as she is not acting the typical break up part. I feel though as she does still want to be with me but our fight has really caused a doubt in which added to the other pressures and stresses made her react the way she did. any insight

[nina2009]

From what you are saying you both are just started it. She sounds very unstable. You can accept it and play by her rules. Not noticing her pulling away, welcoming her "i love you". I guess, when you are in love it is hard to help it.

 

However I hate to say it but it doesn't sound good. It might be okay in the end, you never know.... However from my experience people who behave like this they are unreliable and they are going to hurt their partner a lot.

 

You are already questioning your trust... What I can say? The best as my mind speaks would be to cut her off now and then most likely she would be all over you. Would that be reliable? I have no clue. I do not know her. if you give in to her games she would be encouraged to play them all the time. This is the truth. You are pre-setting yourself or the long run of hurt.

 

if you are not serious just enjoy the ride but know it is just the ride. Nothing else.... An amusement park of feelings. A perfect adventure. I am sorry to say it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I completely agree with this post. If she is starting these push pull games so early on this is what you can expect from her. She will be calling the shots, deciding when she wants to get close and when she wants to pull away..when she wants to talk to you and when she wants to ignore you. You will be left constantly wondering what is going on and you will twist yourself into a pretzel trying to figure her out and figure out what you should say or do. Real and healthy love is about being comfortable with a person, no guessing games, no drama, just a sense of peace and security. Doesn't sound like you will get that with her.