Must...not...send....email!

[debisfun]

Why why why am I so weak and pitiful??????!!!!!!!!

 

Right now I have this OVERWHELMING desire to send the ex a quick message asking him to an early dinner tonight.

 

I really wish he hadn't called me on Monday --- that just got me thinking and wishing and hoping and praying.

 

This is what could happen:

 

1) He says "no, it's not a good idea". (Ouch)

2) He says yes. But during the date we eventually start talking about the relationship and he says (again), that he's confused, conflicted and "just doesn't know". (OUCH)

3) He says yes. And during the date I tells me that he wants to try again if we "go slow" (which I know will just bring us back to the breakup point somewhere in the not-so-distant-future). (Big OUCH)

4) He says yes. And during the date he agrees to run off to Tahoe and get married. (I have a vivid imagination!)

 

How can I not act on this?

[Tinkerbell]

Well, one thing is clear: You don't seem to have much hope for the relationship, so why are you still dwelling on it? Do not, I repeat do NOT invite him for dinner. By the sounds of it, you know in your heart that the two of you won't work out, and I understand that it's hard to get over someone, but it's even harder to do so when the person is present in your every day life. At this point, I do not think you should make any moves. Rest assured, if the two of you are meant to be together, it'll happen. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually.

[Knightmare365]

There is no point at all in thinking ' This could happen' or 'what if' ( I do it all the time too.) There is always going to be that ' unknown variable' that you cannot predict. Do you really want to get back with your ex ? or are you just bored, tired or lonely. If you left it for a couple of days would still want to send him an email asking him out ? You could always take the chance and it may work out alright, but you wont know unless you do it. At the end of the day it is up to you to make that decision. good luck whatever you decide.

[debisfun]

If I were giving advice to someone else who wrote this post, I would tell them:

 

DO NOT CONTACT him! He knows where you are. He knows where you stand. He knows how to get in touch with you.

 

There is nothing you could say or do tonight at dinner that will make a bit of difference.

 

Arrrrrghhhh.....it's so much easier giving than receiving.

[kungfumaster]

Hi debisfun,

 

Think of things in the past which have led you to doubt the strength of your relationship with him. Think of incidents in the past where he has treated you like dirt. Think of how, in the end, he has decided not to put effort into saving the relationship. Think of how he has decided not to be with such a wonderful person as yourself.

 

I hope this helps.

Kung fu

[Knightmare365]

Debisfun

 

Looks to me as if you have answered your own question.

[disEnchantid]

hey deb,

I hear you!! last night I checked to see if my ex was online and ohmygoodness he was, I hadn't caught him on there in a while....I had been feeling kind of bad earlier and thinking about writing him a letter, which I did, but on my private ejournal. So of course when I saw him on there the urge to IM was very strong...but after five months what would it accomplish? I keep telling myself, he's in the past, leave him there...but for some reason the desire to contact him is particularly strong, if nothing else than to find out what he has been up to & let him know how much I have accomplished these past few months. Does he care? probably not. So I didn't IM him, I signed off and went to bed. Kungfu, as usual, you know just what to say. Let's listen to him ok Deb?

 

-disEnchantid 8)

[Hopingpraying]

Deb,

 

Let me see if I can get this right:

 

If I were giving advice to someone else who wrote this post, I would tell them:

 

DO NOT CONTACT him! He knows where you are. He knows where you stand. He knows how to get in touch with you.

 

There is nothing you could say or do tonight at dinner that will make a bit of difference.

 

Arrrrrghhhh.....it's so much easier giving than receiving.

 

There that should cover just about everything

 

You know what you need to do. Now good read a good book, or do some shopping!!

[lisaria]

Ok now deb,

Do not do it!!! You helped me so much this past week I don't want you to feel weak now. Think about it. Wait an hour...two...three...oops, too late tonite. When you get up tomorrow don't even think about it at all. Oh lord yes!!! We all want our exes to know how well we've done without them!!! I certainly do. There are so many new things I want to tell him and so many questions I want to ask him....but I didn't and thanks to you and others I'm not going to either. And neither should you. You will feel so very weak if you did. He knows how to get in contact with you. Let him do that if he wants to. You don't do it. It may just feed his ego and deflate yours. That would be giving some of your power back to him. You don't want to do that, do you?

Be strong girl! Maybe he wanted you to see him and he's going to IM you in the future. Wait and let him do that. You don't want to be seen as pursuing him and I have a feeling he would think that, don't you? Especially if he knows how you felt for him (and still do I suspect). So be strong and find something else to do. What good book are you reading now?

Lisa

[debisfun]

Thanks all.

 

I was having a crisis --- but instead of calling or texting him, I posted to this board. And then I took a walk around my building. Then I called my sister. Then I made myself a latte. (can you tell I was stalling).

 

The point is --- I did NOT give into the desire to contact him.

 

Unfortunately, it's still there. And even worse, when I logged on tonight, I see that he's on AIM. I'm going to turn off the computer, do a load of laundry, and get ready for my bike ride tomorrow.

 

I wish it was as easy taking the advice as it is giving it.

[kungfumaster]

Hey Deb,

 

I know what you mean. Its Friday night. I have gone another Friday night without contacting her. Its been especially tough tonight - I don't know why.

 

My good friend/colleague has gone back to stay with his girlfriend for the summer in another city (where his girlfriend is); another friend I just got to know had his wife just come back for the summer - so for the rest of the summer, I don't have any close friends to hang out with whenever I want to. I guess today is the first day I have felt the full brunt of that. Ouch. It's so hard to meet new people in this city.

 

I can't wait to get out of this city for my vacation. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks, I can get out of here to visit a colleague in the states. And then it will be another couple of weeks after that until my vacation.

 

Its so tough. Sorry, just needed to vent.

 

We're all doing okay though. I'm really glad you didn't email him tonight. Keep strong Deb, and have fun with your bike ride tomorrow.

 

Take care.

Kung fu