Disease

[Guest Revenge Haus]

I don't believe in anything else; there is no light beyond this world, no order to our existence, nothing for which we have to do that isn't built into the foundation and easily extrapolated. General rules of science keep us afloat but all else is perception, personal, global, societal... skewed, shaped, molded and broken in to fit the needs of the power.

 

God is a rich white man. If anyone ever doubts this, they need only to look outward at this world. I certainly don't feel like elaborating so I will leave this thought hanging here. Luckily, lately I don't spend much time on these thoughts.

 

 

I am in love with someone I trust. He's married. Has children with her. He has children with his ex that she doesn't let him see. He is very poor as a result of child support payments. I believe he loves me. We met online as friends discussing our favorite sports team... he actually thought I was a guy and we became blackberry friends.

 

He is 12 years older than me living in another state. This is not something I ever imagined I would be going through... I don't trust, I hate cheaters, kids ick me out and I think the worst of people.

 

How the unholy bleep did I end up in love with this man? He's my best friend and the sweetest, most beautiful and kind person I've ever known. He cannot at this time afford to leave her, but we are meeting up in person soon. I am extremely nervous about this, but he has expressed his nervous interest in proposing to me then. He worries I will not accept, but he loves me so much he wants to ask anyway.

 

I will most certainly accept.

 

Good to get that out.

[Guest Revenge Haus]

Also, I'm going to admit what I admitted to him today outwardly here. I am 5'7 and weigh about 260 odd pounds. I am truly and honestly disgusting.

 

No one ever needs to tell me this, because I know it. I can see it, I can feel it, I breathe in the truth. I have always been fat. I may always be fat.

 

Obviously I worry this man will not love me once he sees me in person, even though I've been honest. I trust him when he says he loves me anyway but I don't believe it.

 

Do the math on that.

[Guest Revenge Haus]

So at this point in enotalone meeting me... they see that I am a fat, home wrecking atheist. I'm sure the judgments are flying. I don't blame anyone.

[Guest Revenge Haus]

Seeing that picture and reading the comments of everyone tearing her to shreds was sad and surreal but not really hurtful as I am trying to understand why people feel the way the do about fat women.

 

Women are expected in this society to do many more things than men. Be fair, emotional, kind, sweet, happy, motherly, sexy, work and keep up with everything in the world without breaking a sweat. It only makes sense that women's flaws would be more opposed than men's.

 

Get it right woman. Oh you're fat? You've failed everyone.

"I would hang myself for letting myself look that way."

 

Oh really? Well, I hope one day you get your wish.

 

Trust me, I have beaten myself into submission about weight and expectations and I don't feel there are any real excuses for not having a slim body. I don't look for excuses and I certainly don't need anyone to really sit there and say "even though you're overweight, I still accept you". I understand that isn't reasonable.

 

But at the same time, I get infuriated with the fact it isn't reasonable. I don't like to compare vices or say this or that in an effort to minimize obesity but obviously everyone has some sort of demon. Smoke, drink, drug, can't commit, can't maintain friends, whatever else. No one is perfect and life is all in details of working towards betterment.

What makes my unattractive appearance worse than you giving my lung cancer by smoking in my face? No one posts a picture of a smoker (that I've seen at least) that garners hundreds and hundreds of public posts bashing this person to the depths of hell for their poor life choices.

 

They don't call that person a "chimney" or whatever the hell else. I can't even think of what someone would do because it is just so far from reality. I think the answer is very clear, however.

 

There are some men who have high standards of attraction and don't really factor much else into the equation. Obviously, everyone is attracted to certain things and it's all a continuum. For some reason, being attracted to the super elite seems to be something others feel very owned by. I feel like some men or women would be very happy to seek possibly lesser looks but have the thought in their mind they wouldn't be quite as happy.

 

In this regard, I think men often feel entitled to elite looking women when they certainly cannot reciprocate in the looks department. Eventually, women become terrified they are "ugly" or "fat" so they make it a personal mission to bash those in that category as a way of protecting themselves from criticism.

 

Those calling out witches were less likely to be accused of being a witch, even if they had been. Mod mentality works in this case too.