venting

[EmptySoul]

hi everyone. just venting on life again.

 

i finally got to go to a counseler today and it didn't make me feel as good as i thought it would; when i cry it's hard for me to talk and i cried a lot and i dunno, it just wasn't that great of an experience. the counseler reminds me of a parent and i think that is part of the problem, i can only tell my parents so much, and i think it will be the same way with this woman. she says i'm very sensitive etc... just so many things bother me now, just how cruel people are without even realizing it and all the pain people go through...

 

i still have no friends, and dont want any...i've been talking to a girl i used to be friends with and she came over a couple days after school. she's only came over twice and already i feel suffocated and both of us too involved in each others sex lives/guys. i dont know why i cannot stand to have friends, i just prefer to be alone most of the time...

 

i watched "made" on mtv or whatever tonight and i almost cried b/c of the girl on there, watching her walk through school and all the things people said to her that hurt her so bad. she reminded me of myself and it really got to me. i will never understand the human race.

 

i really like one guy right now, i never really got over him b/c he asked me out 2 times and i said no, and then he moved. now he's back in a nearby town and i've been trying to get together to do something with him, but it hasnt worked out. When we first started doing things it was all about sex, then we started liking each other. Now I'm back at square one, i dont know what hes looking for and i refuse to get my hopes up b/c i cant handle a disappointment like that right now. i'll just get together with him some night and hope for the best.

 

i really hope to get better soon but i feel something has to change first and i dont know what, but i think it is me...

 

 

EmptySoul

[planman]

its a-ok to cry, hell i do sometimes and never underestimate the power of talking to someone It always helps.

[mtastic]

Hi EmptySoul,

I know what you mean about the counciler, when I was in highschool I went to one for a while but could never really told her anything because she seemed like just another adult. I think you are in a better position than I was though, because you at least have a concept of what your problems are and what you want to change in yourself. When I went into counciling I was kind of in denial about my problems and only want to stick to the "official reason" i was there, which was how to better deal with stress.

As far as friends, I don't know that I can help you other than to say I've been there too, and at least you have people who will listen to you here.

Take care,

 

...And by the way, don't watch MTV, that channel doesn't do anybody any good.

[Ash]

Yes, things don't always work out quickly when you go to counselling. They perhaps don't work the miracles you sometimes expect them to. The changes tend to be more subtle.

 

It generally takes a few chats before you feel a little better about things. If, after a short while, it doesn't appear to be working, is there any chance of changing who you see?

 

It's just not easy, there are no magic answers. It takes times, and in essense, you generally end up helping yourself.