Have I let go?

[Nappyloxs]

So some of you know my story. My ex. finally called after 3 months for "closure" conversation.

 

Yesterday, I was still in a daze from it.

 

Today, I woke up with the "morning" thoughts. My thought was just "it's okay."

 

As the day proceed, I just keep thinking its okay to love her. Its okay that she left.

 

I ended up writing her an email about how what I want to give her what I feel she deserves, how that she deserves more, and not to lose her best quality.

 

I let go many years ago (2000) with my first love. Honestly, today feels like what it did that day.

 

Through all the ups and downs, the emails, the thoughts, etc... It all just seems "okay."

 

I don't know really how to describe it, its a little sad in a way, but its still "okay."

 

I don't know may I have just gone bipolar and lost it. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up feeling like crap again. But today, I feel as if I let go finally, and that is all that I have come to now appreciate are the days when you actually feel good again. And today is one of those days.

[NEVEAH]

Nappy, healing is never linear. One day you'll feel like total crap, the next you will feel on top of the world. letting go of a relationship is like giving up drugs or an addiction. It's one day at a time...for as long as it takes. You will know when you're over it, so if you're asking if you;re over it, you're probably not quite there YET. Keep moving forward..you'll make it.

[newinvention]

Nappy - Been following your story... Hey I think that letting go is progressive - meaning that you may feel this way right now and that's good/okay. Tomorrow you may feel not so good - that's okay too. All of it has a cumulative effect on you though - all of it is part of letting go.

 

I need to remind myself of this. I know that the last couple of contacts I had with my ex - I felt a bit better - I think this is partly because it was good to hear her - even if the context was bad. I quickly slipped back into missing her though - not saying this is your case. Just what I've found...

 

Keep movin' brother...

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks:

 

I know I am not "over her." I still am thinking of her. I missed her yesterday. The missing part has definitely started to fade. I still love her.

 

What is "letting go"? What is "getting over her"? What is "moving on (I personally like the term "moving forward")?

 

Are they just words, or is there really a meaning to them.

 

I think, today, I have "let go." I have come to terms with everything and accept it and I am okay with it. No anger, sadness, emotional roller coaster with it.

 

Still a long way to go before I am "over her" or have "move forward" completely.

 

Healing does become linear when its done. When they become just a memory. The healing process, hell no. That thing zigs-zags all over the place. But towards the end, it becomes a little less bumper.

 

I don't know, maybe it is just today. But I feel comfortable, not exactly happy, but comfortable and content today. I like it like this, because I know I can build on today.

[Hobbes]

I am not sure but I am doing mighty fine. I still think about her and check my emails several times a day. Sounds like healing? Yea that's what I thought..

 

To me Nappy you haven't let go from what you said. Sorry man, but you and I both know this is not a blink of the eyelid - hey I'm ok ! thang. I'm talking months and months man. Ugh.

 

The crazy batpoop scenario for me is i still love her to bits and would talk to her and would go back if she explained everything to me. This will simply not happen and more fool me but I have no idea where she is, whom she is with and how she feels about this.

 

Monsters of Folk are helping right now.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

sorry to hijcack but...

woooo monsters of folk!

[Nappyloxs]

I am not sure but I am doing mighty fine. I still think about her and check my emails several times a day. Sounds like healing? Yea that's what I thought..

 

To me Nappy you haven't let go from what you said. Sorry man, but you and I both know this is not a blink of the eyelid - hey I'm ok ! thang. I'm talking months and months man. Ugh.

 

The crazy batpoop scenario for me is i still love her to bits and would talk to her and would go back if she explained everything to me. This will simply not happen and more fool me but I have no idea where she is, whom she is with and how she feels about this.

 

Monsters of Folk are helping right now.

 

I am not saying I have let go, I feel like I have today.

 

The thing is there are all these terms "let go", "move on", "getting over", "NC" "LC". What are all these terms without definitions.

 

I move on everyday I wake up. Letting go, I think I have finally let go of the emotions (Hobbes, wednesday and thursday were setbacks), for the most part I think I am really letting go of the emotional attachment. I can't remember the last time I have cried over her. I still love her. I guess I do miss her, but I don't think of our time together. I have been thinking more about what I need to do to change. Like if I watch a show, I don't think "this use to be our show." or like when I go to sleep "this was her side of the bed." I think more of things I should have done. Not what was done.

 

Like I said, I may just be delusional. My mind may just be playing a trick on me today. But I feel better today. I feel more motivate and alive today. Compared to yesterday, today is a great day.

 

If anything about the healing process, I must make the most of this day and try to build on it. Whether or not I have let go.

 

Like I said, today feels like a day many years ago. Short version is that one day, I realized that my ex at the time deserved so much more than what I could give her. I was treating her terrible. I realized she just deserved better. We were actually kind of reconciling from our breakup, but I still wasn't treating her the way I should have (long story). It was different circumstance and situations. I did let her go and never regret it as she found the man of her dreams and has everything that I thought she deserved. This was almost 10 years ago Hobbes, I still love her today. We always love them. So letting go cannot be when you stop loving them. Trust me, she has called me, has emailed me, and I have talked to her. She is a friend today, who happens to be my first love, I will always care for her deeply and have a special connection with her.

 

So letting go has to be different than not loving them anymore, because that will never happen.

 

Hobbes, I love my 2nd ex. too. I talked to her on Wednesday after talking to my ex. Trust me, I let go with her, thank goodness. Man, I remember go through a similar healing process with her. I finally let go one day, when I realized she was no longer the woman I loved. I still love her, at least the image of her as she was when we were together.

 

So letting go has to be something different than "not loving them anymore."

[Nappyloxs]

My next thread is going to be a 30 day challenge to ourselves. I just can't post it as I posted this thread!!!!!

[SULLY323]

Congrats to you on your progress, WHATEVER term you use. Take it from me, it is encouraging to some of us who feel like NO sense of closure will ever get here. I am not stupid nor naive, common sense tells me that someday I will feel better, but I really feel exactly the opposite- You probably will have more bad days to come, unfortunately, but enjoy the good ones! I am hoping for some of those eventually.

[Nappyloxs]

Congrats to you on your progress, WHATEVER term you use. Take it from me, it is encouraging to some of us who feel like NO sense of closure will ever get here. I am not stupid nor naive, common sense tells me that someday I will feel better, but I really feel exactly the opposite- You probably will have more bad days to come, unfortunately, but enjoy the good ones! I am hoping for some of those eventually.

 

Thanks Sully

 

I am really trying to make sense of the terms (I was a philosophy major in college).

 

I am not over her. I thinking letting go is different than being over someone. I get over girls I dated.

 

Yeah, I know there will be a few more bad days along the way.

 

You'll find good days, Sully. Take it from me. Yesterday, I felt like I was back at Day 1. Wednesday, after the conversation, I don't even think I was alive. Yes, I was breathing and had a heartbeat, but that was about it. So the good days will come.

[dumped]

I cant let go....

 

I am in the freak situation where we own a house together. She pay the mortgage and the bills. I pay half. She lets me know what I owe her. She is very punctual. Very selfish with money. Always contacts me the day before the bills are due on the 30th or 31st. End of month. I have not heard from her. I see the bills have been paid as they are in my name. But still not word from her. It's like more torture. Gotta stop.

 

I now find myself wondering if something is wrong?

Should I contact her?

What the F?

[rigguy]

I cant let go....

 

I am in the freak situation where we own a house together. She pay the mortgage and the bills. I pay half. She lets me know what I owe her. She is very punctual. Very selfish with money. Always contacts me the day before the bills are due on the 30th or 31st. End of month. I have not heard from her. I see the bills have been paid as they are in my name. But still not word from her. It's like more torture. Gotta stop.

 

I now find myself wondering if something is wrong?

Should I contact her?

What the F?

 

Do you still live together?

[dumped]

nope. House is empty. I am actually moving in there as I cannot afford rent and a mortgage.

[Nappyloxs]

You do need to contact her about the house. Its in both your names correct?

 

Any chance you can just "buy her out." How long have you owned the house for? It may not be that much if only for a few years. Maybe just give her back half the mortgage for from the time you live together there. May take a loan on your part, but just throwing an idea out there.

 

I know its hard. But you do have to think of your financial situation. Your situation is similar to a divorce in that there are major financial issues at stack and it can lead to financial disaster.

 

A lot of the problems with my ex. started when we thought about buying a house together. Thank goodness, we didn't. I can only imagine the hell now!!!

 

You must contact her just for the sake of your financial future for the next few years. Neither of you can go sell it unless both of you agree.

 

I would plan out the conversation first. Come up with some options on how you could resolve the house situation. Try not to let it turn into a fight.