How you meet someone - does it matter?

[Nixee]

Is how you meet someone important?

 

I don't know why, but I'm thinking about this today, along with that old "it happens when you least expect it" bit that I think there is another thread on.

 

Each time I've really fallen for someone, it has been someone I wasn't looking for... someone I wasn't expecting to meet, but they just came kinda randomly into my life and then I couldn't imagine my life without them.

 

It seems whenever I've gone searching for dates... I find them, but the results aren't nearly as "wow".

 

Is this just me? Anyone have some other stories of how they met their someone - was it chance? Did you go out on the prowl? Online dating?

 

Does it matter at all to you how you meet someone?

[shes2smart]

Well, the only observation I have is not to limit the ways you meet people. Some people refuse to meet others online, and some people only meet others online. Both extremes are limiting your opportunities.

 

Much like a buffet, you up your chances of finding something good by trying a little of everything.

 

My own experiences also offer up this point to ponder:

 

I met one of my exes is a very normal, traditional sort of way -- a friend at work was dating his brother. He turned out to be an abusive alcoholic who took up about 5 years of my life with a very stormy, drama-filled relationship.

 

I met my husband because he saw a nearly empty profile of mine on a BDSM website. He IM'ed me off that and we got married less than a year after he first IM'ed me.

[Scorpion Fury]

Is how you meet someone important?

 

I don't know why, but I'm thinking about this today, along with that old "it happens when you least expect it" bit that I think there is another thread on.

 

Each time I've really fallen for someone, it has been someone I wasn't looking for... someone I wasn't expecting to meet, but they just came kinda randomly into my life and then I couldn't imagine my life without them.

 

It seems whenever I've gone searching for dates... I find them, but the results aren't nearly as "wow".

 

Is this just me? Anyone have some other stories of how they met their someone - was it chance? Did you go out on the prowl? Online dating?

 

Does it matter at all to you how you meet someone?

 

Me too. Exactly. I don't ever go looking for a boyfriend. All my relationships have been people I met by chance.

[AuthenticAuthor]

Me too. Exactly. I don't ever go looking for a boyfriend. All my relationships have been people I met by chance.

 

Ditto that; all my relationships have been random encounters. This is frustrating, since it seems as if planned encounters are simply impossible. In the age of the Internet and countless other wonders, it is ridiculous how difficult it can be to find people with similar interests. Of course, I'm only talking about this from my perspective; my town is just a terrible place to be single.

[Nixee]

Well, the only observation I have is not to limit the ways you meet people. Some people refuse to meet others online, and some people only meet others online. Both extremes are limiting your opportunities.

 

Much like a buffet, you up your chances of finding something good by trying a little of everything.

 

My own experiences also offer up this point to ponder:

 

I met one of my exes is a very normal, traditional sort of way -- a friend at work was dating his brother. He turned out to be an abusive alcoholic who took up about 5 years of my life with a very stormy, drama-filled relationship.

 

I met my husband because he saw a nearly empty profile of mine on a BDSM website. He IM'ed me off that and we got married less than a year after he first IM'ed me.

 

Oh I whole-heartedly agree with the not limiting thing. I think that is the attitude I've had for sometime.... and I end up meeting people both ways - planned and unplanned. I guess I'm just noticing that my attraction to the unplanned is almost always higher and I'm wondering why?

 

 

That is interesting about how you met your husband though.... he IM'd you based on a nearly empty profile... why? What drew you back to him? Did it feel random that way.... like that whole "unexpected" thing at least on your part?

[shes2smart]

That is interesting about how you met your husband though.... he IM'd you based on a nearly empty profile... why? What drew you back to him? Did it feel random that way.... like that whole "unexpected" thing at least on your part?

 

There were a couple key things on my profile:

1. age, gender, sexual orientation

2. marital status (single)

3. general geographic location

4. Yahoo! IM screen name

 

It was the very minimum needed to have a profile on that site. He found it searching for single, hetero females in the state (and portion of the state) we both lived in. It was a BDSM site (not really a dating site, per se...a message board kinda like here, only talk was geared around BDSM & power exchange relationships rather than relationships in general), so the population was smaller than you'd find at a non-kink site.

 

My first impression of him on IM was "what an arrogant little twit." But he was persistent, kept trying to have a conversation and kept up with my subject-hopping and sideways sense of humor. He asked me out on a real date after the first chat -- not just "we should go out sometime" but "I'd like to take you out to dinner, when would be a good time for you" which told me he was serious.

 

But initially, his persistance is what worked. When I first found out where he lived (about 2 hours drive away) and how old he was (11 years younger), I was like, "um....don't think that's gonna work." But he was interested enough that he decided to prove to me those issues were not a problem.

 

It didn't hurt that we were finishing each other's sentences on the first phone call.

 

He was obviously looking for someone to create a relationship with....I was looking...but not LOOKING. Hard to describe -- I was open to the idea of being in a relationship, I was "getting out there" online & offline, I knew I wanted to and was ready to get married (but not just to anyone) and at the same time, I was happy with my single life, too. It was like the perfect balance of things -- I knew I was gonna be ok if someone came along or didn't, y'know?

[Nixee]

That is really interesting... and sweet actually. So... no picture even? And he was that persistent about asking you out even from 2 hours away? Just had a feeling about you or something?

[shes2smart]

Apparently he liked my snappy one-liners in chat.

 

Well, that and we had similar ideas about what our "ideal relationship" would be like...so it kinda made sense to meet and see if we were attracted to each other in addition to being after similar things relationship-wise.

 

Pictures came into play...but not until after he'd asked me out. At that point it was more of a "how will I know it's you" sort of thing.

 

That's part of the reason why I have to roll my eyes a little when I see yet another thread about "not looking good enough" or some such thing. Attraction is about more than how one looks, despite what a lot of people around here seem to think. (And, frankly, the fact that it's a thought that's making a lot of people miserable makes it suspect in my book as having much to do with "truth")

[MinziGirl]

I think how and where you meet the other person plays a very important role of the development of the relationship.

 

I once was searching only online. That was when i met all the crap guys... I am not saying all are like this but many were lying & were only seeking for affairs & sex. They are men who are stuck in something in their life, be it a poor marriage or anything else. The internet is a place where people can lie & pretend to be who they aren't.

 

I met my current boyfriend only after i gave up internet addiction. To give it up was the best thing which happened in my life. Then i stopped looking & guess what, he came into my life when i stopped looking.

[Nixee]

I agree totally about the looks thing... it definitely isn't about looks. That's why I'm so intrigued that your husband was able to have the go-ahead to pursue you based on pretty much nothing at first... and then personality first... good for him!

 

Interestingly enough, I did actually go on a date not that long ago with a guy I'd met online who only had one far away picture that wasn't a face shot... just an action shot and all you could tell was that he didn't appear to be overweight. Couldn't tell if I was attracted at all. But we got on well, so I just took a chance. Turns out he was very attractive. Of course.... I was too busy at the time to really go out anymore, and he then got a job offer in another city, but... yeah... personality first.

 

 

 

Hmm... Well I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience online, but I get what you are saying. Fortunately, I haven't run into so many liars or cheaters. I'm pretty defensive though, and I don't actually talk to or go out with that many people.

 

I do hear that last bit sooooo often though - that when you stop looking actively, THAT is when someone better will just pop into your life.... I guess that is why I made this thread.