Did no contact. She called, but still has new bf. What now?

[Earner]

Hello all,

 

I posted a few weeks ago after I proposed to my gf, and she declined because she had someone else. My proposition was made to her after we had split up for a couple of months, during which time I sorted out some issues that had been stopping me committing to her and a family (which she wanted). So she has been with her new bf, maybe three months now.

 

After she devastated me by declining my proposal of marriage, she looked me in the eyes and said "We need to have no contact now. This is the only way you can get over it" etc. etc.

 

Then, one month later, she calls... to "see how you are, make sure you are o.k."

 

I told her I had been busy. She told me she was my best friend in the world and knew me better than anyone apart from my Mum and Dad, and if I wanted to bounce ideas off of her etc., she was there...

 

I told her I was glad there was some "feeling" but thought it strange to receive her call since she was in the "honeymoon" period of her new relationship. I also said, if we are in touch, I would hate to meet her some time with her bf there, because she would never just be a "friend" to me. She seemed to get that...

 

NOW WHAT ON EARTH IS SHE DOING? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

 

1) Is she keeping me there in case it doesn't work out with current bf?

2) Why can't she be strong enough to not be in touch with me. I was the hurt one but I haven't been in touch with her - I have been taking her advice of no contact! Why hasn't she?

3) Does she just not know what she wants?

4) Does this indicate that things with her current bf aren't too great?

 

How should I play this, in the sense that if she becomes single again, I know I want her. I guess I just keep in touch but from a position of strength (even though I am shattered inside).

 

I actually feel better I think that she called, because it means that she couldn't do without me in some way: "going from what we had to nothing is too drastic a change", she said - EVEN THOUGH she instigated it. She had even said "Forget me and move on" just a few weeks ago!

 

Please offer any advice, perspective, experience or interpretation.

 

I would be most grateful

 

Earner

[whitegarden]

Well this is the almost perfect example of no contact working!

 

She has come back around and now you've spent so much time working on getting over it, not contacting her, growing stronger you can't recognize it when you see.

 

The time apart has given you some perspective. What do you want to do? It sounds like you want her back so....

 

Take it slow. Things are definitely bad (or not great in her current relationship - just how bad is the question? Are you strong enough to be here confidant and listen to her complain about him? Could be a good way back in. If not a once only statement of you know I care for you so hearing about your boyfriend - from you- is harder for me to take than I thought and maybe we shouldn't talk about it. This lets her know you care but aren't obsessed because it hadn't occurred to you until she started talking about it. See the difference. People will tell you to be honest "tell her how you feel" well you did that and she ran away. That is way I'm saying play it safe in this situation. I suggest you let her contact you and be responsive when she does. Be the first to get off the phone, that kind of thing. That way she knows she can talk to you but isn't so secure that you are on stand by.

 

Thinking your ex is on stand by isn't going to win anyone back because they know they can take as long as they want. It being true and them knowing it are two different things.

 

Good luck.

[lipstick]

i think she cares about you........

she might not love you, but it sounds like it is important for her that you are alright......

that's what it seems like to me........