What to do?

[grim]

Well, I've been with my girlfriend for 14 months. We've been "in love" for a good part of the relationship. We've had a pretty healthy relationship except for the fact that I usually sense problems she has with me way before she actually tells me about them. It's tough like that because I always ask her if she's feeling one way and she will say no but then later on admit that she did feel that way. At first we wanted to get married right away but decided we were going to wait until we were settled in together, we have been planning for a long time to go to college together and live together. Now the time is actually coming. We were planning to go home and visit our families on the East coast in about a month and then move back out here to California to go to school and live together.

But now that the time approaches to go back home before going to school she has been talking a lot with her family, etc. and she brought up the idea of not living together while we go to school. I have been against this because I really had been planning on living together and it would be hard for me to be able to go and live separate from her. She has a well to do family and they will be able to support her easily, so it's much easier for her to go and live alone than it is for me. Anyways, at first she had brought up the idea of not living together and I had reacted against it. That was several weeks ago. Now she has said that she is going to live without me for sure because she wants to know that she can actually be independent and do things on her own. And now today she has told me that not only does she want to live alone, but also that she thinks that we should breakup. This is tough not only because I love her and want to be with her so much, but also most of the reason I had planned to go to this particular school was to be with her since the school has specific stuff for her whereas my classes are at most any school. I don't see how I can still go to school with her and not be with her anymore. This is tough for me because up until now we had planned to be together forever and everything. I don't know what to do really. She told me she just wants to be independent and that she isn't planning to be with anyone else and wants to still be friends. She says she will always love me and cares deeply for me. Now I'm stuck because everything I have done up till now has been because of our plans, basically I've been waiting for her to finish up and be ready to go to school. Now I feel like I may have made a mistake waiting for her because now everything is changed. I don't see how I can be friends with her when I still want to be with her and love her so much, or go to the same school with her when I could go somewhere else. I still need her, but I really just want her to be happy even if it means not with me. What can I do? Do I still hold out hope that when she's done finding out more about herself that we can be together again, or move on now and lose her. Thanks for any advice.

[grim]

I forgot to mention we have only made love once in the past two weeks because she has said that our sex-life has become boring

[russia]

tough luck, man. money talks and you're out.

 

i think she would probably have no problems being with you if she didn't have money. once it's money, then money only talks to money, and since you have no money, no deal. her family probably talked her out of you.

 

there's no way (ok. maybe 0.01% chance she'll return to you) the 2 of you are going to happen now. what happens after you both graduate, is another story altogether. maybe she'll accept you then, i don't know. the crystal ball tells me she'll probably marry rich cos she's used to creature comforts.

 

now to extricate yourself. if you can transfer out to a nearer school so that you don't have to live alone or whatever, or else move to a domitory. i don't know if you can still get it at short notice. she's really unfair to you. i don't know if you want to hang in there or switch schools. but since your subjects are nothing special, you may want to save yourself the hassle of switching school, unless you can't stand the sight of her anymore.

 

you can always blame yourself (no money), her (chicken) or her family (got money) or face facts and go on with life with what you have. surely a woman will come along who will accept you for what you are (the rich are few and far between, so your chances are good)

[grim]

Thanks for the reply

Although, i don't think money is the big issue here, only the reason why living alone makes it harder for me to be there without her. I know she talks to her mom about all this stuff, but she's always said her parents like me and everything. I wouldn't even think that money would be so important to her except that you are bringing it up as the defining reason.

[Eric f]

try to spice up your sex life with things you wouldnt normaly do liek drssing up or something.

[grim]

well, if we are breaking up then i think spicing up our sex-life is a non-issue

also, should mention that in the beginning of our relationship we had some problems where I broke up with her (temporarily) and she took it very badly and worked very hard to get me to stay with her. she also has a lot of trust issues from several previous bad relationships.

[Eric f]

actully that sounds 90% what i am going through with my x.

only we broke up 6 weeks ago and i had a choice to stay with her but i asked her what she wanted to do and she choose to end it. so she can do things on her own and not rely on me.

but good luck mate

[grim]

thanks for the reply eric

I wonder if trying to live separately and still being together might be something worth discussing with her, or if I should just let her go and find something different without her. Although she is the person I wanted to spend my life with ;\

[grim]

hmm she says that she loves me but she needs to be alone for awhile to find out who she is and that i should do the same but i already know who i am ;\