Leighton Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 If a man fell out of love with a girl because she constantly hurt him.. is it possible for that spark or those feelings to come back? I don't need opinions or suggestions about what I'm doing with my ex. I've heard some stuff on here that you shouldn't be friends with ex's and etc. I don't really think that's what I'm doing. Yes, we are trying to establish a friendship again, but we're doing it with the intention of getting back together. He is trying to trust me again.. as he's put a lot of faith in me before, and I always let us down. So far.. it's been good. We saw each other yesterday and he said that he had a good time. A lot of things have changed though. Like that we're in limited contact right now. Mostly because when we were dating, he was head over heels for me and would think about me every second of the day, so we'd talk a lot. Now it's really different. And that hurts me. I'm trying to be strong though. I know it's gonna take time.. I'm just scared that the feelings will never come back.. and a few months down the road, this will all be for nothing. I'm trying to tell myself that it's worth it... I know he still cares about me. Last night he still wanted to sleep in bed with me and he kissed me a few times. Has anyone been in my shoes before? It's really hard to be sitting on your hands waiting... I'm not sure if that's what I should be doing. Link to comment
coldplay. Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Yes it can happen, i think its like this just because you two are no longer in love. It doesnt just *snap* happen. You remember each other as good people, as someone that you could love, but that isnt granted. There needs to be attraction, there needs to be a reason. Im starting to see getting back together as both a choice and a given. Ultimately its your choice to remain in the "relationship" your trying with, but beyond your control how that will work out or if you will have feelings. My advice would be to make a more conscious effort to build feelings. It seems like your taking a super passive role in this whole thing. And if the feelings dont come back.. nothing you can do. Thats the chance of dating anyone though, not just an ex. Link to comment
Leighton Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Insane Heart: He got fed up with my constant accusations, bullying, jealous and didn't believe that I could ever change. Coldplay: What do you mean a more conscious effort?? I don't think I'm being passive, but maybe I just don't understand lol. Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Well, from experience, my husband and I are recovering from my infidelity last year. I actuallly left and came back to him. I can say without a doubt that our spark is alive and well. In fact, our relationship is more loving and satisfying now than it ever has been. So yes, it can happen. Link to comment
Leighton Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 But I'm assuming even with the infidelity, his feelings for you didn't change? In my case, my ex does not love me at all. He cares about me a lot, and he's recently been saying that every time I show him my sweetness or show him something other than anger, jealous, hatred.. he likes me more. I'm just questioning whether you can fall in love with someone all over again.. Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 That I'm not sure about. I haven't had that experience. Link to comment
Hobbes Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Yes it can happen, i think its like this just because you two are no longer in love. It doesnt just *snap* happen. You remember each other as good people, as someone that you could love, but that isnt granted. There needs to be attraction, there needs to be a reason. Im starting to see getting back together as both a choice and a given. Ultimately its your choice to remain in the "relationship" your trying with, but beyond your control how that will work out or if you will have feelings. My advice would be to make a more conscious effort to build feelings. It seems like your taking a super passive role in this whole thing. And if the feelings dont come back.. nothing you can do. Thats the chance of dating anyone though, not just an ex. I agree with this. I think in the long run if you had mostly a very good healthy relationship, anything is possible with sparks and reconciliation although time is often needed. I really mean that, I've been in situations like this. If there was animosity and constant struggles on the other hand, then it will be tougher to regain the spark. Just speaking from personal experience. It's hard to generalise on this subject, only you and the other person really know as you are the characters in the play, so to speak. Btw coldplay, I don't particularly like your namesake's band much but the song 'Sparks' is a work of true beauty. Link to comment
coldplay. Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Btw coldplay, I don't particularly like your namesake's band much but the song 'Sparks' is a work of true beauty. i used to be a get back together emo when i joined and hence listened to coldplay haha, havn't in months though What i mean by conscious effort, from your post i guess you didnt give a huge insight to how you were in all of this, so from what i read hes making the majority of the moves. Link to comment
Leighton Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 I think I'm doing about as much as I can. I don't wanna pressure him or seem clingy. I'm letting him make all the moves, and when he does I'm responding to them. I also initiated for us to see each other again this upcoming weekend. Do you think I should be doing more? Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 i have been in your shoes and could never recapture the spark Link to comment
Q10 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I am in your shoes right now, and some spark is starting but the hard thing is to know if the spark is just friendship or romantic.. Link to comment
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