*~*WiThIn*~*

[under_the_pressure]

Deep within me, I hold fear

of always being lonely.

I'm like the last little puppy in the box that nobody ever wants,

Or that little girl nobody talks to because she is heavy.

Deep within me, I hold hate

for all the kids who ruin my life.

It's a long road that I shall never

find the exit ramp to, a never ending path.

Deep within me, I hold jealousy

for the thin, beautiful girls.

It's one of those things everyone

compares to you daily.

Deep within me, I hold me

the real me, nobody ever sees

I hold back because I'm fragile like

glass, and have been scarred too many times.

This life I live is like a race, and I wish I never joined.

 

~Be honest, it's for english, it had to use simlies, and metaphors and all that bull. So Tell me what you think.~

 

U_T_P

[mtastic]

I like, its honest and that makes it beautiful. I know how you feel, I fell isolated alot too, like everybody judges everything i do and nobody really cares about me. I'm sure most people have been there at some point, but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one. I bet you do too. Don't worry, you're not.

[just_smile]

hey

i really liked it, i think it kinda summed up how i feel sometimes about life,

theres two bits that i really like:

 

Deep within me, I hold fear

of always being lonely.

I'm like the last little puppy in the box that nobody ever wants,

 

and

 

Deep within me, I hold hate

for all the kids who ruin my life.

It's a long road that I shall never

find the exit ramp to, a never ending path.

 

i think it was great and your teacher will like it, keep writing, dont let this be the only reason you write.

 

~LJ =;

 

p.s.

i have been in your situation and had to write a poem for english last year and i did the same thing as you and asked for advice on it from here, its like de ja vu,

[tainted_soul]

hey i think it's a nice poem. didn't think it was for school the first time i read it, there's just a little bit of anger and despair in there. (feelin that sarcasm) but it's good, and hopefully your teacher won't label you someone she has to "talk to." lol