Feeling a bit obsessive

[INeedHelpFast]

I broke up with my ex a few months ago, and since then, I have focused more on myself and found that I don't think about her as much. Also, I saw this girl on campus a few times, and I found her on facebook. She looked cute and seemed interesting and I wanted to meet her. I found that we had certain mutual friends, so I contacted a couple of them asking about her. I asked them if they could setup something where I could meet her. There are certain problems however.

 

The first guy, one of my best friends, is kind of dorky, and we are completely different. I asked him to ask her to lunch or something, and then I can stop by and meet her along the way (this is all taking place on a college campus by the way). However, he feels that she wont do that, and in my opinion, she probably wont, so that chance is gone to meet her.

 

The second guy, knows that girl's best friend. A few weeks ago, he tried to set something up where everyone could hang out as a group (the best friend doesnt know that I like this girl), and up until the final day, the plan fell through.

 

In both of these cases, I feel like I'm "using" my friends to get to know this girl, and I feel like they are getting tired of me always asking about her constantly. It almost seems like im obsessed with her, (which I guess in a way I am). I think about her every second of the day and daydream about what could be. I've tried going to places where she might be, which I can see from her public access to facebook. Unfortunately, that didn't turn out well as she wasn't there. I feel like im trying so hard to meet this girl, and nothing is working in my favor. I don't want to have to resort to meeting her on facebook, as that would be weird. I've been thinking about her ever since I saw her at this one party, she was staring at me as I was walking by, and when I looked back at her, she quickly turned away (couldve been a good reason or a bad reason). And then a second time, I saw her from a distance, looking in my direction, and when I looked back at her, she took a quick look and turned around and started walking in the other direction. As for myself, I feel like I'm good looking and whatnot, (not to be cocky or anything! lol) but I'm feeling helpless and impatient because I haven't met this girl. What makes it worse is the fact that when my friends tell me what they know about her, we have alot in common. I really don't want to meet a girl at the bars, and as far as joining clubs, the one where I would meet people of my ethnicity, is officially done for the semester. I know this sounds a bit corny but I keep praying that I'll meet her and daydream about a relationship.

 

 

I don't want to keep bothering my friends about this, but at the same time, I don't want to sit couped up in my room, not meeting other people at bars, because I seem to have found one that finally caught my eye after such a long time. I don't want to give up, but at the same time, I'm impatient because I feel like I will never have the chance to meet her, and when I say never, I mean it literally. Its been a few months, and I haven't seen her at any parties except for the one I saw her at, and she isn't the "party type" so there goes that opportunity to meet her too.

 

Something weird happened a week ago though. I was walking on our very large campus, and in my head I was telling myself that I will never see her again. And then suddenly, she walks right past me and my heart drops. I tried looking at her with a pleasant smile, but she had her ipod in and just continued walking straight past me.

 

What should I do!!?!?

[erase this face]

What exactly is preventing you from asking her out via facebook? Or asking if she'd like to talk on the phone? You seem to have every reason to meet her, and the only solution seems to be that website, yet you feel "weird"? What does that even mean? You're not content in your current state, is feeling weird momentarily really that much worse?

[INeedHelpFast]

What exactly is preventing you from asking her out via facebook? Or asking if she'd like to talk on the phone? You seem to have every reason to meet her, and the only solution seems to be that website, yet you feel "weird"? What does that even mean? You're not content in your current state, is feeling weird momentarily really that much worse?

 

 

I feel like meeting someone on facebook is a bit creepy. I know the main objective of facebook is to network and meet people but I feel like if I were to get a friend request from someone randomly I would be a bit creeped out. lol I feel like im putting too much emphasis on something that I dont even know has a chance of working out. I guess that's my biggest problem.

[erase this face]

It's not like you're strangers. You have mutual friends, you've been to the same social gatherings.

 

But, sometimes fantasy is better than reality. Your fantasy will likely not pan out, at least not in its entirety (I'm not saying a relationship will not bloom here). Just think about what you'd be more content with: fantasy or reality, and ask yourself if you can deal with the possible disappointment if things don't go as you wish they would should you decide to take action.

[INeedHelpFast]

It's not like you're strangers. You have mutual friends, you've been to the same social gatherings.

 

But, sometimes fantasy is better than reality. Your fantasy will likely not pan out, at least not in its entirety (I'm not saying a relationship will not bloom here). Just think about what you'd be more content with: fantasy or reality, and ask yourself if you can deal with the possible disappointment if things don't go as you wish they would should you decide to take action.

 

 

Thats true. But at the same time, I feel like those mutual friends that I have been talking to, to get to know this girl, are getting tired of me. It seems as though even if I start a general conversation, it always ends up coming to a point where they "need to go". I feel terrible about myself considering the fact that they may hate me for being so annoying and persistent about meeting this girl. Any idea how to come around this? I've tried hanging out with them, just to indirectly set the stage that im not using them. however, when I do this, it always comes down to them being "busy". I want to be able to meet people, and form some sort of a new group of friends, but I feel like people pass me off just as "someone they met". What could I be doing wrong? Do you think my "obsessiveness and neediness" comes through in my general day to day conversation?

[erase this face]

Do you think my "obsessiveness and neediness" comes through in my general day to day conversation?

 

I don't know, it's impossible for me to observe you. The only advice regarding this that I can give is to preface meeting up with friends by saying you are not going to mention this girl, so they don't have to worry about playing matchmaker. Try to take matters into your own hands next time.