Is it wrong to want to protect your unborn child from its...

[lilcherub]

Lately there seems to be a war between my heart and mind. Five months ago I left my relationships because of doubts, uncertainty in regards to my ex fiancee's motives (infidelity?Lies?Second Identity?) didn't know fact from fiction, whether he was coming or going. With a upcoming baby in the future it made my decisions harder. Hence the reason my heart is in war with my mind. With that came the information regarding, drug dealing, threats to safety of people dear to me. Why because I chose not to be his puppet on strings anymore, giving in to his wants, his control, and emotional abuse that followed after telling him those two words " I'm pregnant" I left him and he didn't like it. Three hard things for me right now is as follows;

 

1.Why do I still love him? Is it because I am carrying his baby?

2.Can I raise this child on my own?(The baby was no accident it was planned by both of us)

3. Where will I get the strength to fight him, if he does follow through with his threats to get custody of this baby so that I never see my child again.

 

Bottom line is was I wrong to leave him in the first place, due to my suspisions of infidelity, drug dealing, and well the alias i.d in his wallet. The only thing I had to go by was hearsay, and then visual seeing his alias i.d, and all the phone messages from other girls telling him they love him, miss him can't wait to see him...... its confusing, maybe its being pregnant,getting closer and closer to this baby being born that I have doubts I made the right decision leaving when I did. I never planned to have children without a father in the picture.......

[AnotherChick]

1. If he gave you a reason to be worried, then you're doing the right thing. Don't second guess yourself because now, you aren't just taking care of you. You're taking care you your unborn child.

 

2. There is no official order of events and prerequisites to reproduction. It happens when it is meant to. You deal with it the best you can (whether by yourself or with someone) and you just accept things as you get them.

 

3. Women raise babies by themselves all the time. AND have been doing it for thousands of years. If that's the route you choose, then you need to look at it as you are joining a sacred and amazing sisterhood. You can be one of those strong women too. DON'T look at it as a disgrace. Raising a child is not "disgraseful".

 

4. Be upfront with the father. You did what you did to take care of his AND your child. Don't apologize for that. As you talk with him, be strong and stand your ground that you will make decisions as you see fit. Tell him he needs to reason and compromise with you if things are going to work.

 

Hope all of this helps. I know it feels easier said than done, but it can be done.

[josie]

The things you mentioned are NOT good things to even be worried about. The fact that you even had to worry about that is NOT A GOOD THING. I had a miserable pregnancy because my boyfriend was acting suspiciously...let's just leave it at that for now...and finally I got to the point that I said..."You know what...I should not even be worried about these things. Pregnancy is hard enough as it is. He should be supportive and loving. I should be worried about where my next pint of icecream is coming from not when he is coming home or whatever or who he is with..." Bottom line is - Be good to yourself for you. Because if there is one thing that I remember ther doctor telling me when my baby was born it was this --"you have to take care of yourself so that you can be a better mom for your child". Remember that. It has stuck with me now for the past 18 months. It is very good advice. Good luck though. I hope you can learn to trust yourself more. You are probably stronger than you know.