Whats going on with her??

[Sn0man]

Hey ppl, I'll keep this short...

 

I've been dating this girl for about two months. At the beginning it was great...we spent lots of time together and had some good times. I was living in another city when we first got together and have since moved to the same city she is in for work.

 

The problem is, since i've moved here, I hardly see her, and she has kind of stopped calling for some strange reason...

 

We work opposite shifts...She works evenings and I work mornings, so we don't get alot of time to see eachother. For me that wasn't a problem, and it sounded to me as though it wouldn't be a problem for her as the last time we spoke (about 5 days ago) she said we'd still talk on the phone or whatever until we both had a day off. I started work Monday and she said she'd call, but I haven't heard from her. I left a message for her yesterday, but still nothing. I dont get it.

 

Is it normal not to speak to ppl you've been seeing for a couple of months for weeks at a time?? I've never dated anyone before who was so avoidant... Especially since we dont get to see eachother too often, you think she'd at least call.....

 

Am I right to be upset about this? Does it sound like it might be a game or something? Should I throw in the towel on this?...I'm starting to wonder if it's worth my while to persue this girl any further...

 

I mean, when we see eachother these days, it doesn't seem the same as when we first got together...like she's trying to distance herself from me or something. Sometimes I don't see her for 2 or more weeks at a time, and now with the no call thing. Damnit...

 

I suppose it's also worth noting that we spent the day together last weekend and things seemed ok, and that when we do get together she's all kinds of cuddly and stuff, but I just don't know what to think of this. I suppose im more confused than anything, as ive never dated anyone who was quite as..hmmm...aloof..as this.

 

What does this sound like to you ppl? I think I know whats going on here, but its easier to hear it from someone else, as charged emotions cloud judgement, so any and all opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated

 

Ok Ok....I lied....its not short lmao

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I'm sorry to say, but this sounds a lot like the last couple months of my last relationship. Don't take this as anything more than just my experiences, but keep an eye out for other signs.

 

My ex had gone off to school. She was only moving from an hour south of me to an hour east of me. She began "not having time" which turned out to be that she had found some other guys at school that she was interested in going after… the problem was me, and she wasn't willing to break up with me, so she decided to make it very hard to stay with her so I would do the dirty work. Though it didn't work quite how she had planed she got what she was looking for. I got novice and made a huge mistake that made it very easy for her to leave me.

 

Any way… that's what the drop… or disappearance of contact was for me. I hope that isn't the case for you, but it's something to look out for.

 

Good luck and God bless

[dikaia880]

It seems to me she's using the "avoidence" method of breaking up...You just ignore someone hoping they end it...

I could be wrong, but at the sametime why would you want to stay in a relationship were this girl doesn't call or see you for weeks at a time?

You've only been together a short time so she might not feel the need to actually break up with you...kind of like not calling after a second date, if that makes any sense...

I'd get ahold of her phone email or whatever, and say in your own words..."you know...I really like spending time with you, and I think we're a good match but if it's not what you want, just let me know and I'll walk away..."

Don't let her see that you care if it goes on or not...it may just shake her and make her realize that she likes you and needs to put more effort in...or she make be getting the break up that she wants...either way it allows to you know whats going on...

Just my 2 cents...good luck!

[tiger_lilies]

Sounds like to me, she's giving you the run-around. I hate to admit it, but there's this guy who's trying to "persue" me and I haven't called him back simply because I do not want to talk to him. He hasn't done anything wrong and he certainly isn't a bad person...I am just not interested and do not feel I need to put any effort into making him think otherwise.

 

If you're feeling distant from her, I think that it's probably intentional. If she was totally into you, then she'd be calling you back. You would make time to call someone back if you're interested in them.

[Sn0man]

Thanks guys

 

I know what you mean when you say that she may not feel the need to break up with me as we have only been together a short time. But im not sure whather thats the case here. We connect pretty well when were together, but when we're apart shes sooooo distant. Although im not discounting what you're saying, that could very well be it. Thing is, in this short two months, we've been on probably 20 dates, so the first 2 dates thing is out the window. But again I have to say that the first few dates were the best, and it's been downhill from there...at least, thats how im feeling about it. Not that the dates are bad, its just that the first few had that spark, and the last few haven't.

 

The only reason I stay (or rather, am attempting to stay) in this relationship is because i really like this girl. She's really great, even with all her faults. (I consider them faults lol). She's made noise about moving away, and theres some issues in her line of work that she doesn't like, so I think this may be her way of keeping me at arms length so that if she moves there won't be that relationship connection to hold her back. I could be wrong, but I could be right too.

 

Why else would she push me away? Thoughts?

 

What do you think? What would you do in this situation?

[Athena]

You could be right, but, I don't think that's the case. Most people aren't that strong that they can intentionally keep themselves away from something or someone they want because it will be best for some possible future situation.

 

Keep it simple - most people are pretty simple. I know it stinks and it hurts, but, I'm 99.9% sure that she is no longer interested in your company and doesn't have the courage in herself not the respect for you, to deal with it face to face.

 

-A

[Sn0man]

Yup, thats a little tough to swallow. You're probably right though. I think if she were at all interested in continuing this then she would at least have the goddamn courtesy to give me a call. I hate cowardly break-ups, i'd have more respect for her if she would just freaking call and tell me it was over. Ah well, what can you do?

 

Thanks for the advice all. I think I knew what was up but I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I think i'll go out and drink myself stupid tonight and look for reasons to dislike her. heheh. Cheers!!

[psycho_Jr]

thats too bad.i hate people who cowardly break-up too

good luck

[Sn0man]

Bah, forget this. This girl is history.