Confused, Frustrated and Feeling Like My World Has Come to an End

[golfer1]

Hello everyone, I'm new to this and thought I would reach out to a broader audience other than a couple of my friends.

 

My story is quite a long one so please bear with me, I desperately need help beyond more than anyone could imagine in trying to understand what is going on with my ex girlfriend and how to deal with this first time situation as well as win her back. I can't go to my friends anymore because they don't really know what to tell me and I can't go to my parents anymore because they really don't understand.

 

So here is the background on the whole deal.

 

About to months ago my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me. Her reasons being, she said that she didn't want to be serious anymore and wanted to have fun and that we were in a gray area in our relationship and we argued somewhat frequently (which I admit we did). She also said that I was becoming too selfish and lazy (not texting or calling at all, which I now realize she was right). But we still loved each other, or at least I still loved her. Two weeks prior to this she left early for college to rush new girls for her sorority and I was going to go up at the end of the week she broke up with me to do the same for my fraternity. Were both the same age and go to the same school.

 

My ex and I started dating when we were freshman in high school, now we're sophomores in college. Over the past years we did everything together, you could barely see us apart, however we did have our ups and downs. We were each others first bf/gf and we both lost our virginity to each other. We traveled together, looked at colleges together and practically had the same classes together. We both come from the same type of family and were very close with each others relatives. My parents loved her, her parents still see me as a nephew, both her sets of grandparents like me a lot and invite me to everything and I see and act as if her brother were the little brother I never had.

 

Every year I would buy her jewelry from Tiffany's for our anniversary and her birthday and she would get me something similar. If you saw us you knew we were in love. About a year or so before the end of our relationship our friends said we acted like a married couple and the both of us had talked about getting engaged. Neither of us had a problem with it and I wanted to but couldn't afford a ring at the moment. So the best thing I could do was to do what men in fraternities do which is called "dropping" which means you give her your house's letters in the form of jewelry. I had wanted to do it for a while but I didn't know when the right time was. So on Valentines day this past spring I dropped her and have her a heart lock necklace with my house's letters engraved on it. I knew she loved it.

 

We were both very busy our freshman year in college with fraternity and sorority things but we still saw each other every day and partied together on the weekends and I spent the night in her apartment quite a bit.

 

Summer came along and we both went home (we live 2 miles apart). I got a full time job so I wasn't able to see her as much as we would have liked. Something about her though is that she is somewhat spoiled and has never had a job so I do feel that me having a job contributed to her wanting to break up with me as she wasn't able to be with me like she used to. I also wanted to have time for myself every now and then which I knew she didn't like because she always wanted to be with me and I knew it.

 

The end of the summer came along and she had been at school for about a week when I got a text while I was golfing with my dad saying she thought we should take a break and that she doesn't really know what she wanted. I had somewhat been expecting it seeing how our relationship had been. I still loved her and she said she still loved me and still wanted to be good friends. I respected it and did not blow up at her or anything but simply said I understood. A few days went by without talking to her and I drove up to school. Pulling into town I got into a wreck and totaled my car. She came to see if I was okay and it was kind of awkward to see her since she had broken up with me a week earlier. I didn't beg and plead for her to take me back because I thought the respectful thing to to would be to give her space. A few weeks went by and we talked every now and then and saw each other at parties and stuff.

 

One night there was an instance where I saw her texting another guy right in front of me as I was sitting next to her. Later that night I texted her about it and got somewhat angry telling her that she didn't care about me anymore and she didn't love me. She told me she did but I didn't know if I really believed her.

 

A month and a week passed since she broke up with me and football started. We sat next to each other at the first game and she asked me how I was doing. I said I was doing fine and I asked her the same. She said she was doing fine and was talking to someone. I asked about him and she said he was really nice. I asked her what his name was and she told me...

 

The guy she was talking to is one of my fraternity brothers who happened to be the person who recruited me. He's a super senior and is totally different from me appearance wise (fat, country, chews tobacco). I left the game because I legitimately felt sick and was walking back to my house when I told my friend about it. He said he knew and so did several other of my friends. I called his best friend to ask him about it and apparently he was trying to get me to break up with her last year so he could have her. They aren't facebook official yet but talk all the time, even when I'm with her just the two of us. I know shes talking to him because he does what I wasn't doing at the end of our relationship (talking all the time). As far as I know she hasn't had sex with him or spent the night at his house (shes not that kind of girl).

 

After I heard about that I confronted her asking why she never told me about it and that she didn't know other people knew. This was indeed the worst moment of my life. I would do anything for her, I love her so much I would do absolutely anything to be with her again. That night I almost killed myself with pills because I was so depressed. I told her about it and she came to see if I was okay but I told her to go away because of how I felt.

 

A week went by and I saw her at the next football game. We sat together again and I walked her home. Later that night I told her I needed to talk to her but she wouldn't come over and talk to be saying she was too tired and said she didn't want to see me because she thought I would keep doing this to myself until she got back together with me. Well I texted her and told her I wanted her back and basically went through the same routine as before.

 

Anyway, later that week we met to study for a government exam and the whole time she was texting "The Guy". I started to talk to her best friend about it who is also my friend. I told her my true feelings for my ex and she thought thought that was beautiful told me she that she doesn't know what my ex is thinking and to just give it time. After we studied we went to Starbucks and got some drinks. I could tell that she was getting uneasy because I paid for the drinks, as a gentleman should. She said that she appreciated it but didn't want to me to get the impression we were getting back together anytime soon. I asked her if we will ever be together again and she said she doesn't know how to answer that but she still loved me and cared about me.

 

That was two weeks ago. I looked online and found some self help with dealing with your ex being in a rebound which helped because I believe that thats the situation shes in now. It just said that most rebounds never really fully develop and the best thing to do is wait it out. Even "The Guy's" best friends think so because he's been like that throughout his college career.

 

Today after our government class I walked with her talking about her friend being a * * * * * to her and offering help and advice, we had been talking casually over that week and I thought she was okay with me. She was responsive until we got outside her next class where she was acting like she wanted me to go away. I got the hint and walked home, I then texted her wondering if she wanted to be around me at all. She simply said that she didn't want me to get the impression that were getting back together. I texted her back trying to get a straight answer saying I already had the impression that we'll never be together again and I asked her if that was the right impression to have but I still wouldn't mind talking to her and hanging out every now and then. She said that my impression was right.

 

Right after that my heart sank.

 

Here is a girl that I would do anything in the world for, and I literally mean anything. If someone ever hurt her I would beat them to within an inch of their life without any hesitation or remorse. Almost every time I see her I want to grab her and kiss her like I'm about to die. This is a girl who in full confidence told me she would marry me and have my children. When we were going out she asked me how much I love her and I never could giver her a good answer. A couple of weeks ago (Starbucks) I told her that I love her so much the only thing I would want in the world before I die would be to hold her hand look at her hazel eyes and kiss her one last time. I have never wanted something more in my life.

 

So now I am here. We've been broken up for two months and I don't know what to do anymore. I hope in my feeling that "The Guy" is a rebound and I know those don't last long, they don't even hold hands in public and he's graduating in December and lives in Oklahoma (we live in Houston). I have the patience to wait and give her space but I don't want to wait too long and lose her forever. Everyone tells me that they think we will get back together, I just have to give it time. I don't know if she still loves me and cares about me like she says or if she is just saying that to make me feel better. I don't know if she's saying that we'll never be together again because we really won't or she doesn't know what she wants. I hope that down the road she'll want to be with me again, we went out for almost 5 years after all and shared everything. I can't think how people can go out that long and have the love we had not get back together. I still talk to her family, probably more than my own.

 

I really don't know what to do anymore, we act like friends somewhat but I don't know how to get her back. Shes the love of my life and people have told me to move on but I can't because I have the feeling that if she knows I'm dating someone else she'll think that I no longer have feelings for her and totally be done with me and estrange me. Don't get me wrong, I have been meeting a lot of new people and having fun but I can't stop thinking about the love of my life. I can't stop wondering if she really has moved on and lost all feelings for me or if she's just trying to suppress them.

 

Anyway, I'm going down to College Station in a few weeks for when our team plays Texas A&M. She's probably going too and were both probably going to stay together at a friend's house for the weekend. I really feel like that would be the time to get back together with her but I really don't know what to do or think when the time comes or in the meantime.

 

I greatly appreciate you for reading, you have no idea.

[LillyLooWho]

Golfer, I'm so sorry you are in pain. If it helps any, you're not alone.

 

You and your ex are still young and changing all the time. When you are 20ish, you are still trying to figure out who you are. I think this is what is happening with your ex. She has been in a relationship for awhile, quite some time in fact, and now wants to try something different. I think your timing as a couple is off.

 

But you're in college and there are girls everywhere! I mean if ever there was a time in your life to be single, it's when you're in college. There must be some girl on campus who has caught your eye. I say, chase the new girl and leave your ex to figure things out by herself. Begging her to come back, crying, making her feel guilty - none of these things will work. She DOES still have feelings for you. Even if she has moved on, she has not just lost all feeling for you. That doesn't happen like that. But based on your story, your age, your location (school), I would say that for right now, she needs to sow some oats on her own. Therefore, you should do the same.

 

When you see her at the friend's house, be friendly but try not to mention the relationship. If there is a chance that you will reconcile, it really needs to come from her. She needs to ask you, not the other way around. So be pleasant but accept that for right now, you two will be dating other people...for awhile. In a couple of months, you can reassess. Just relax if at all possible and try to have some fun. College can be a blast, so try to just enjoy it.

 

Not sure if this response was helpful but I just wanted to remind you that there are so many girls around at your age, you should sample a few before you choose. Good luck.