How to respond...?

[CharlieBucket]

We were in a long distance relationship (different continents) for 1 year having only seen each other for 3 weeks, 9 months ago. We broke up 8 weeks ago. She met someone else two weeks before she broke up with me and then slept with the guy the following week. She has treated me like * * * * since then but has been up and down like a yo-yo with her messaging/calls. All lovey and in need of me one minute, telling me that I can fix this and that she is so lost and confused and loves me more than anything. And then angry and blaming me for not being there, that none of this would happen if i was there, the next. She has been like this, hot and cold, since she dumped me.

 

I went NC for 3 weeks. We caught up on Skype and she told me how much she loved me, probably more than before, and that she was not with this other guy and didnt want anyone else. Then she went cold again. She has lot of university work and other commitments so i went NC AGAIN for the past 4 weeks to give her MORE time to figure herself out.

 

Anyway, she tried calling me out of the blue a couple of days ago. I missed the call. She followed up with a message as though nothing has happened. "Hey sweetheart, just tried to call to say hi. We havent spoken in ages! Ur XXXX xo"

 

How do you respond to that??

 

Is she messaging me to keep me on an emotional rope that offers her security and assurance or because she still romances the relationship we once had and wants to reengage?

 

What does she want?

[longdist]

Does she have bipolar disorder?

 

It's possible that her experience with the new guy was that she felt like he really cared and was there for her. It's almost impossible to show that in a long distance relationship, so she may be mad about the circumstances, yet still in love with you. I can only speculate, as she does seem to have behaviors at two extremes. There's really not much you can do about it. This is her problem and you can't do anything more than communicate with her.

[CharlieBucket]

She hasn't got Bi-Polar. But her actions/reactions are symptomatic of Borderline.

 

I can only presume she is un-aware of how her behaviour has/is affecting me.

[guitargirl1607308056]

My first thought would be that she's keeping you around as her fall back/safety net in case things don't work out with the new guy.

 

If that's the case, it would be time for you to decide whether or not you're willing to be someone's 2nd choice. Not only that, but there would be some HUGE trust issues to overcome.

 

For your own sake and well-being, I would go NC with her for a little while until you've figured out what YOU want from her. Beyond that, she's just using your feelings to practice her juggling.

 

Good luck.

[mikem]

NC..immediately..