Complicated situation with a "straight guy"

[anony]

Okay so this person i know has a girlfriend who he's been with for 18 months. He says he's bored now and wants to get out of it, but isn't doing anything about it and is staying with her. I asked him if there were any other "girls" he was interested in and he said he wouldnt be able to get with anyone else because it would be too awkward at school (we're 17)

 

I've developed a weird relationship with him. He tells me he loves me all the time, that he misses me, and all this. The other night we were very close and he gave me a huge hug to greet me which lasted about 30 seconds, he picked me up and swung me around. He is very intimate with me, to the point where he put his arm around my waist and held my hand on occasions. I got the impression he is looking at me, sort of wistfully, with a smile on his face, and always picks up everything I say even if i don't think he's listening (or i'm saying it to someone else). He told me he loved me that night and ... I dont know, just the way he hugged me, the way he looked at me, talked to me.

 

He told me he missed me when I left this party the other day early.We had an SMS war about who loved who the most, he wrote "i love love you i love you i love you i love you i love you. so so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" I said "I love you too" and he said "I love you more.." so i joked and said "I LOVE YOU MORE, GET THE F*CK OVER IT!" and he said "I LOVE YOU LIKE I NEVER LOVED ANYONE!" All a bit silly but it went on for ages.

 

In every conversation he tells me he loves me, both in SMS on facebook and in real life. I really feel a strong connection with him, but he has a girlfriend

 

On Facebook he has no "Interested in" i noticed but that doesn't mean anything. Either he's just a very affectionate, loving straight guy or he's bisexual?

 

I am bi myself and am completely to grips with it - i've been with a lot of girls because it's easy and I enjoy women, but this is the first guy in a long while who has made me sit up and feel a bit weird.

 

I just can't stop thinking about him now and my stomach feels tingly just thinking about him and the other night.

 

HELP. How do I get a bit closer to knowing or getting somewhere without asking him?

[ayekasong]

When you are an older teen, you are just beginning to figure out who you are and grow into that. It's very possibly that this guy is beginning to learn that he may be bisexual or even gay. I do not know many straight men who would openly be this affectionate with another man - but that doesn't mean it isn't possible.

 

I wouldn't ask him straight up what his sexual orientation is. It could make things awkward between you, especially if he considers himself straight. Is he aware that you are bisexual? If he is, you could casually make a comment about a guy being attractive and see how he reacts. That might give you a better idea of if he is straight or not. I wouldn't go any further than this though.

 

My advice would be to just enjoy this relationship as it is. If he knows that you are bisexual and he feels he might want to explore a relationship with you, let him come to you about it.

[odile]

ayekasong's advice was really good.

 

The only thing that I would add is that as long as he has a girlfriend, you'd do well to see that as a deal-breaker, the same way you would if he were a straight guy, and you a hetero female.

Basically, no matter what his or your feelings may or may not be, he's off limits until he's single.

[ramcoro]

Have you ever considered going to the next level? like when he hugs you so hold him tight and dont let go even if he wants dont let him! lol but seriously do it just show him that you are interested (im trying to say go up and kiss him but give him "hints") you know what i mean?

[No One]

Anony is male?

 

If os, then, dude, as long-time guy with no professional training in this sort of thing...

he is bi, possibly unconvinced straight gay.

 

(A person can float outside of stereotypes only so much before finding one self actually elsewhere).

 

Now, as long as you both are happy with one another, then, all is well, right?

[FathomFear]

Ideally our society would be at a point where men could love each other without it being sexual, but unfortunately I don't think we're there yet. I agree with the other posters that there's probably something else going on. I wouldn't pursue anything until he's formally single, however. Your friendship seems to be naturally escalating and I wouldn't try to force the situation at all. If there's something really there I suspect it will naturally come to the forefront.