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confused ...don't know how to take this relationship


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My boyfriend and I have broken up again..we have not spoken to one another since Thursday.

He has a habit of putting on his sneakers and heading out the door after we start fighting. But yet he lives here 99% of the time. He does not work, pays no rent at his place and after some petty thinking on my part I sat with the calculator and tallied up something in the way of 6700.00 for natural light and cigs I have spent in the past 10 months alone. Not including the wine he polishes off and food I pay for.. basically everything.

If I bring anything up he deems not worthy of discussion, he gets pretty weird, and gives a defensive attitude. Then that triggers my attitude, and it goes from there. He gets pretty cold and it freaks me out.. so I get to screaming and he starts telling me I need psychiatric help and goes home.

We were together during 2000. And broke up in 2001. Same thing. But he drank hard stuff then. But still the same. I cried for two years after I left him and didn't date for three. He however moved in with a bartender at the local bar he had known for years. six months later AND according to him, she cheated on him...and public record, he was arrested for domestic violence , choking her .. funny, he was never a violent person.

BUT he did choke me one night about six months ago several times after we had gone out for dinner. (i paid ) and he fell in the parking lot ...I had to help his drunk butt up and we got home and things progressed and he attacked me. He left that night too. And called me the next day and begged to come back . He claimed for months he didn't remember doing it and said he had a concussion. Now he says he never touched me.

Anyway. Last October I had put his name into search on myspace out of curiosity and his profile popped up. We had not spoken in 7 years! I emailed him and we talked and we have been together ever since but break up every two weeks.

I keep feeling like we found one another again for some reason.. and to feel the way I do about him still after all these years is confusing.. he is worse now than then I think..

I'm at a loss.

It makes me sad, yet makes me want to stay away. There has been so much crap...what really hurts I suppose is that he was so crappy to me then and now, yet he stayed two years with the other girl. When I ask why he says he didn't want to be alone lol.. yet I am never good enough to stay with , he always walks away..but yet he says I am his soulmate and he loves me more than any women in his live and he has always loved me.. I don't know what to do.

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I don't know very much about your situation, but it seems as if you may be entering a cycle of negativity. You break up, go through multitudes of pain, and then get back together only to have it happen again. It is often the fatalist "we were meant to be together" mentality that can make people overlook that bad parts of a relationship, because they figure they don't they matter as much as what they think is already in the cards for them.


It's not your fault that this happened, but it is up to you to break out of the cycle and find something that will do you good. Sometimes love can go toxic, and the love you feel for him may have done so.


It will be very hard. But you do need to realize that you deserve more than someone who will use you and ignore your emotional needs. If he refuses to even discuss an issue you have with the relationship, then the relationship does not mean that much to him. Furthermore, while he may not have seemed violent the first time around, people change! Clearly he has no issue hurting a significant other, as his criminal record shows. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you this way? My opinion is that leaving him would be the best for you, before he can cause you more harm.

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It seems I have done everything I can.. Is it wrong for me to scream and feel like ponding my head until it pops to prove a point?? Yea.

All he sees is the screaming crazy woman lol, not the reason why. I cook the food I bought and the dishes stay in the sink. I cook again the following day, and again the dishes stay. I go to work for 12 hours a night. He is at my house. I make sure he has my cell at my house. (I finally cancelled the one I added for him as I could not afford it anymore.) So he burns up my mins during the day talking to his Mom.. and he gets mad because I say wait till 7p. And then he does and it lasts a week and then we go right back to square one. I Make sure he has beer, when I go to work. When I come home he may be up or not. I have a rough job. It takes alot out of me.

I dont want to do dishes and put out the recycle and go get him more cigs if he is out. He has me pick him up. Mostly because he is drinking and does not want to drive.

It's crazy, I could go one forever.. I suppose what really gets me is this feeling I have. There is such a sense of loss.. again. Years later.. the same loss.. I feel like I am the loser, not him..

It pains me to see him go back to his life as if I never came back into his. And my house and my finances and my emotions are turned upside down.


It makes sense what you are saying, it does speak volumes..

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