neighbour trouble, need advice

[daisy84]

I'm having trouble with my neighbours, they live in the same building, there are only 3 apartments. They are very noisy, and it hasn't really bothered me, but recently I've offended them somehow and now they had a party yesterday (Wednesday) and spent a lot of time shouting about how much they hate me and my roommate. We aren't sure exactly what we've done but can only assume they overheard a conversation we had in our kitchen about how we wish they'd be quieter. In fact I think I heard one of them, while drunkenly shouting on their patio (below my window) at the party say she heard me call her a (swear) which I didn't. But I did tell a lie and tell my roommate I had told them we are busy and can't have noise all the time. That is an exaggeration, I just told them we are busy but didn't ever ask them to be quieter, I was too intimidated (we are early 20s, they are late 20s and hear on some type of exchange from Australia, I just didn't want to get in an argument with them and was too timid).

 

Anyway after yesterday we felt very threatened, and the party and shouting went on past 1 am which is in violation of noise bylaws where we live. I emailed the landlord today, and the landlord emailed back asking for clarification of past incidents. My roommate also emailed the landlord and said I had asked them politely to be quiet in the past.

 

I get a lot of Catholic guilt so I feel bad about lying, suprisingly I don't feel bad about having offended them because I did not call anyone a (swear) and would not say that, in fact when they were shouting profanities about us and my own feelings felt quite hurt so I would not use that word.

 

I told the landlord I would go talk to them on Saturday. So I have to go talk to them. My dad suggested not addressing the lie unless it comes up and then just saying I soft-peddaled when I spoke to them but meant to imply we are busy and need quiet. I'm terrified of them anyway they are aggressive, often drunk and very angry about whatever they feel transpired.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this??? Obviously taking care to not lie or exaggerate in the future, but how do I handle the conversation I have to have with them. My ideal goal is to de-escalate the situation, find out why they are mad, and let them know parties that late are not acceptable and we will call in noise violations in the future. Of course saying that might not de-escalate the situation.

 

One of these girls was screaming, "I hate those (swears)" I'm pretty intimidated. My boyfriend did agree to come with me when I talk to him. He has been here when its been noisy and is a very calm person and good negotiator.

 

I sometimes wish I could just live with my parents!

[glegend]

Not addressing the situation is what I've been told as well, in regards to my problems with one of my neightbours.

 

I say dont do what I did, and not address the issue. Address is regardless of what your dad says.

[daisy84]

Thank you, I know I need to address the issue which is why I will go talk to them Saturday. My dad just suggested I do not mention the lie I told my roommate, which was that I had already spoken to them, because it is not going to change much.

 

When you did not address the situation with your neighbours did it just get worse?

[jul-els]

I think making a formal complaint with the landlord is the best thing you can do. If you don't want to confront these people because of their alcoholism or crass and disrespectful behavior, you shouldn't have to. You are paying your rent and are thereby entitled to a modicum of peace and quiet.

 

I would just put a note on their door explaining that you have informed the landlord about the noise and that you will continue to do so as long as the noise continues. And then follow through with it.

 

Other than that, you don't have to have anything to do with them and I suggest that you don't. As long as they're keeping their volume to a reasonable level, then live and let live, i.e.; pretend like they don't exist.

[glegend]

Thank you, I know I need to address the issue which is why I will go talk to them Saturday. My dad just suggested I do not mention the lie I told my roommate, which was that I had already spoken to them, because it is not going to change much.

 

When you did not address the situation with your neighbours did it just get worse?

 

The problem still pursists. Its reached the point where they think they can do whatever they want, but everyone else cannot do that. But now that I am back at school I'm goint to call from a pay-phone and report them to the City of Toronto, and see what can be done.

 

I think the main reason everyone tells me not to call is because they think I'm doing it for revenge. I'll be honest, revenge is a partial reason. More importantly I'm sick and tired of them doing whatever they want and sticking their nose in other peoples business.