So Confused

[anonemouse]

Well this is going to end up being a long post, but I feel I need to explain a lot to get good responses.

 

So here's the whole story

 

This girl moved into town a few months ago, I was not interested at first. To be honest I didn't think she was that attractive, not my type bla bla bla. Well we started hanging out, and all that changed. Once I got to know her I really started to develop feelings for her. We hang out a lot, over the last month or so I've hung out with her almost everyday. We can sit and talk till the early hours of the morning, her room mate has gotten up for work to still find us talking a few times. I just feel like I'm really connecting with this girl, now here's the confusing * * * * .

 

She's had a lot of problems in her past, like an ex that put a gun to her head. She broke up with her latest BF about 6 months ago. She's told me she has a crush on me, but not sure if it will go anywhere. Which I can understand due to her current situation. She's very lonely, she does a lot of flirting at partys, which sense I'm not dating her I can't say much about it. She gets very touchy with me, especially when she's had a few drinks. I've told her I'm interested, which is when I found out about her crush. I had been letting her touch me and sit on my lap and all that. Last weekend I simply told her to please not do it, unless she wanted to move forward past what we are at now. Short story long later that night as I'm standing talking to some friends the next thing I know I have a tongue down my throat and hands on my junk. I didn't push her off me, I went with it and later went to bed with her. Now before you assume, no I didn't have sex with her. I knew she was intoxicated, and I'm not about taking advantage of a girl like that. All that went on was some cuddling and some sleeping. I'm not sure if this sounds creepy, I hope not. But I couldn't sleep all night, I just layed in bed lost in her beauty.

 

The next night we had a small fire out back and sat around talking. After the other people had left we got talking about the whole situation, and got on the subject of her father who had died. She ended up sitting on my lap as I held her and let her cry. She has so many things that have hurt her, when I held her I just wanted to draw all the hurt out of her and into me. I'd rather be tortured then see her like this, I don't have words for what I really feel.

 

I'm just confused as to what to do.

 

I can think of 2 out comes, and a slim chance of a third. Either we become more, or I break everything of and pull myself out of the situation. The third and most remote outcome I think is being just friends, I don't think I could deal with that.

[guitargirl1607308056]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like you two can be just friends after this. She said she has feelings for you but doesn't know if it will go anywhere... did she elaborate on that? Because her actions sure make it seem like she wants it to go somewhere. Personally I think she needs to give you a straight answer one way or the other. I understand that she has some emotional issues that she's trying to overcome, but I'm never in favor of seeing people be strung along and held in limbo.

[Timbone]

I agree with g-girl, being just friends is going to be odd.

 

Just tell her that you'll be there for her if she needs you, and that you want to be with her, and that you are not those other guys she broke up with. If she cares about you, she will be with you.

 

If she's too confused and doesn't want to be with you as well, that's fine too - but if she's flaunting and flirting around with other people when she knows how you feel... well, then she likely didn't care that much for you and you should move on from her.

[anonemouse]

Well I'm even more confused now, if you can believe that.

 

I went ahead and told her exactly how I felt, to which the reply was I really like you but I can't have a boyfriend right now. At which point I told her I was not sure if I could hang out with her anymore. We did end up hanging out that night, went to a friends house and played some pool.

 

We get back to her place and just sit in the car talking for a bit. It ended up as hot and heavy making out, next thing you know we are stripped going at it.

 

Something she said later in her room is sticking in my head,"I can't have a boyfriend right now". But the way she said it was almost like she's telling herself she can't have one right now but she wants to at the same time.

 

On a side note, I was a virgin until last night. I was straight with her, I had not told her till this event, but came clean as soon as I figured out what was happening. The only reason I include this information is I think it will have an effect on any responses.

[guitargirl1607308056]

You know what this sounds like to me? It sounds like, "I don't want to be tied down, but I'd still like you to fawn over me because it's good for my ego."

 

I know its easier said than done (especially now that there's a special physical aspect to it), but please listen to her when she says she doesn't want a boyfriend and don't give her one. Be her friend, but I fear you'll end up getting used physically and emotionally if you continue to be at her beck and call.

 

Good luck. Keep us updated please.

[Timbone]

GG's right, have a life outside of this girl and don't be too tied down to her. If you think you can handle the intimacy with her without having her as your girlfriend, knowing that this could end at any time, then go ahead and do it. But you have to be ready for it.

 

If you play it cool and don't make a lot of advances into the Girlfriend Zone, then she may come around and realize she has feelings for you as well. It's a game, and it's stupid, but it might work.

 

But if she's banging around with a lot of guys, then really ask yourself if she is worth it, and worth the thoughts of some disease that you could catch if she (or you) aren't careful.

[anonemouse]

GG's right, have a life outside of this girl and don't be too tied down to her. If you think you can handle the intimacy with her without having her as your girlfriend, knowing that this could end at any time, then go ahead and do it. But you have to be ready for it.

 

If you play it cool and don't make a lot of advances into the Girlfriend Zone, then she may come around and realize she has feelings for you as well. It's a game, and it's stupid, but it might work.

 

But if she's banging around with a lot of guys, then really ask yourself if she is worth it, and worth the thoughts of some disease that you could catch if she (or you) aren't careful.

I do have a life outside of the girl, I try to only visit her once or twice a week. Which was part of my whole don't come on to strong and hang around her all the time and maybe you can get to know her and move into a relationship at some point plan.

 

The sleeping around thing worried me, but she's told me she's not and people I know have told me she's not, she just does a lot of flirting. One of these people would be one I had thought she might have slept with, turns out she didn't. I tend to believe it because all four people I've talked to about it, her, the guy, another friend that rode with them and the guys brother who's one of my better friends said is brother was * * * * * ing about her not giving it up.

 

The disease thing does worry me, I've been tested just last month, not that I needed to I just think it's a good habit to have. She was also tested about two weeks ago during her yearly physical.

 

She's already said she does have feelings, I learned that much after laying it all out. What it sounds like is that she's still not fully over her last BF and not ready to have a relationship, or she's just stringing me along for a ride which is what I'm most confused on. I intend to try and get to the bottom of this whole thing tonight, as I feel it just needs to be talked about and see what her real intentions are and if it's worth putting more time into it or not.

[Timbone]

You sound like you've got a good handle on it. Let us know how it goes. Good luck to you.

[anonemouse]

Well It didn't work out, but it didn't work out in an odd way. We were trying to be just friends, but it was not working out.

 

We went to a show with some friends, the music and alcohol didn't help any. We made out and almost went further but we both realised that doing so would be a bad thing. It's so odd because It's both one of the best nights of my life, but at the same time It's the also one of the worst. The band was beyond good, they really were just too damned good. It was almost a spiritual experience for me, one of life's high points. Yet I realised at the same time that I'll never be with this girl and I have to except that and move on. I guess we are going to be friends, I've been very clear this time however. For one she's not to get touchy feely with me, that's the biggest thing that starts things off in the wrong direction.

 

There is a lot more beyond what I've said here, but I'm going to keep it close to my chest.

 

But I have to say If I had to pick a way to spend one last night with a girl, last night was the way.

 

P.S.

Yes I know that I just said we tried being friends and it didn't work, then right after said but we are going to be friends. And I do know that it could come back to bite me in the ass. But I do like the girl and would hate to lose her as a friend. I'm just going to actually keep it that way, which I think after last night I can.

[notsogood]

Ive had basically the exact same situation as you before. Almost exactly the same no joke. In fact not only a month and half ago is when we stopped seeing each other or hanging out or whatever u want to call it. I played the whole friends card thing but it never worked out. I hope it works out for you and that you don't have that much emotion tied up into her but something tells me it wont. Stuff like this doesn't work out like that. Hope it does for you though!