I introduced my Best friend to her new Best friend, and I'm jealous!

[growlbury]

Hi!

I am a college student, and last year as a freshman I struggled a lot to make friends, but after a month of 2 I met the best friend of my life and have been friends with her ever since. This year, my best friend and I live in singles next door to each other, but down the hall lives a girl with whom I went to high school and did not particularly get along with. I do not dislike her in any strong way, but after 4 years of high school we never became close friends, and I do not see that changing now...we just don't click like friends do. Last year, my best friend had a class with her and I introduced them informally, and they talked a few times during class but never made any efforts to see each other outside of class. But because they "knew" each other last year, my best friend is now hanging out with this girl all the time! My friend is extremely outgoing and likeable, and whenever I introduce her to someone she immediately gets along very well with them...it is a rare quality that she has. But my friend told me that she has trouble meeting people unless she meets them through one of her friends. Well, this is exactly what I have provided her with the girl down the hall. The problem is that while my best friend seems to make friends through her own friends, my weak spot is that I get jealous very easily when a friend that I have worked so hard to make is able to get along with one of my friends/aquaintances in an instant. I am kicking myself because I now regret ever introducing them. It takes me a very very long time to make friends, and when I do find a friend I cherish them. Even though I know it sounds crazy, I hate that I made this friendship so easy for them. I really wanted college to be distinct and separate from high school, and now that "high school" lives right down the hall and is always there when I am with my best friend, I can't seem to leave the past behind me, and as hard as I try I just can't act myself around her. I feel like I am losing some of my personality when I am with them, and I just don't enjoy her company, as awful as it may sound. My best friend knows that I do not particularly care for this girl because I told her last year after I introduced them, and it has been an issue this year because she knows that I still do not like her. I struggled with whether to tell my friend about my feelings this year, and I did to a certain extent. I told the honest truth that I just don't want to be tied to the past and that, as hard as I may try, I will never be able to be good friends with the girl. I know that I have no right to tell my friend who she can be friends with, and I realize that. But I also think that, since my best friend is so likeable and capable of making friends, if she could just choose any other person on campus to be friends with I would have no problem with it (of course I want her to have other friends). She makes extra efforts to invite the girl along to dinner with the two of us even though she knows I don't like her, and she spends hours with the girl and when I come back from class she basically ignores me. I know that my best friend still likes me, but I am very jealous despite weeks of effort to get over the feelings of jealousy! My question is: to what extent is it my fault for feeling jealous and trying to control who my friend is friends with, and to what extent is it my friend's fault for making me feel uncomfortable and for distancing herself from me in order to be friends with this other girl? And should I talk to my friend about it? I have tried to get over the feeling of jealousy and not let it bother me, but it still does and probably always will. And even though I am going to try to make other friends, I am worried that my best friend will just grow closer and closer with the girl from my high school in the meantime. Please help me!

[pinkelephant]

i think your bestfriend is trying to reconcile you with that girl from your hs. go with it!! tryyy. you may have more in common than you think!

[odile]

It sounds to me like your jealousy is exactly what is pushing your best friend away.

It's likely that you're coming accross as snobby or spiteful.

Chill out.

 

You're a time in your life where you start becoming the people you will be as adults.

Just because this girl is from your high school doesn't mean that she's the same kid that you knew 3 years ago,

just as you probably aren't exactly the same as you were, then either.

Your very high-school ideas and attitudes will only hold you back.

 

Try to be warmer towards the other girl, and give her a chance.

Once you do this, you may find that it's actually fun to have a posse of girlfriends.

If you find that you still don't click, fine, but at least you can be pleasant.

And regardless, this girl is now your best friend's friend; a true friend would be accepting and respectful of that.

 

I think that if you have a more positive attitude, and follow the above suggestions,

your best friend will be more understanding when you invite her to do something 'just the two of you'.