Want to get back together, but so confused as to what is going on.

[juliaa]

My boyfriend and I had been dating for ten months, we got along so well in the beginning, honestly it felt like everything was perfect, we were so in love and we cared alot about eachother. I felt like it was real. Eventually I'm not sure what happened exactly but we started fighting alot, I would get mad at him easily about the smallest things and we wouldn't see eye to eye on alot of situations, but it was mainly because of how stubborn I was. If I realised at the time how stupid I was acting I would've stopped, but of course it continued, when he'd get upset I'd always try to make him believe I wouldn't do that anymore, but I did. Things weren't continually bad for months, there was plenty of good times in between, but when they were bad they got pretty bad. Eventually, he said to me that he wanted to take a break because he didn't want us to hurt eachother anymore or fight anymore, he said he needed time. I was lucky that I was going on vacation for about 12 days the day after so I could get away, but it still hurt, it didn't make my vacation the greatest but I tried the best I could. Sadly I bombarded him with text messages so quickly saying that things would be different if he gave me another chance and that we should try our best to work things out if we really care about eachother. We talked a few other times on the phone while I was gone and some were good and friendly and others I was just a mess, I was doing everything I could to just make him believe me, but I was doing the wrong things. We had planned to hangout as soon as I got back, so we did. I brought him breakfast and I think I rushed the topic of getting back together on him too quickly and I was way too emotional aboout it saying that things would be different and that I didnt understand why he was acting like this and that I promised I would change, I was being an idiot. Our conversation changed and we were talking about my vacation and then we were kissing and everything and I assumed that meant things were better, I guess not. All the sudden he stopped and he was like "i shouldn't be doing this" and he said he didnt know how he felt and he couldnt be in a relationship right now, that he felt like hes drifted and it didnt feel right. At that point i was bawling because I was so CONFUSED about what was going on with him. He told me that I should go and he walked me out of the house. We started school the next day and I've been seeing him at school and we do the whole smile and wave and sometimes make awkward small talk, he usually just walks away from me anyways. He keeps saying he wants to be my friend but that would hurt me way TOO much. I talked to him on the phone the other night and he was asking me how i was doing and what ive been up to and he joked to me about having other boyfriends and stuff, and i asked him if he was doing okay and he kind of just said i dont know and sounded a little sad. So i guess its been 3 weeks since we went on our break and one week since it's been official. I want us to get back together but I don't know what the hell im supposed to do, HELP. I'm so stressed out. I"ve taken alot of time to think about myself and how I could change for MYSELF if I wanted anything to workout for me, and I see alot of things in a new light, things that would make him and I get along better as well. I know he cares so much about me because he was crying all the times this happened, and we've spent so much time together and he's told me countless times that I know him better than anyone else does, its a horrible feeling to lose all this.

[TBE_1989]

Firstly, give him space. You admit yourself you behaved in an over-emotional manner and bombarded him with contact during your alleged 'break'. Don't go full no contact, perhaps, but do back off to an extent, for at least a couple weeks. Limit your contact with him, both face-to-face, and via technological means. Give him space and time to miss you, because right now he is probably feeling overwhelmed.

 

This temporary distance will also give you time to calm down and focus on other things in your life.

 

Then, after a while, personally, I would write him a letter. CALMLY and with reserved emotion, describe to him what he means to you and explain that you are sorry for your behaviour in the past. Do NOT make threats about what you will do or feel if the relationship does permanently end, and do not hassle for contact once you have sent the letter if you do not hear back immediately.

 

If he decides he does not want to get back together, then you have to accept that decision in as mature and as dignified a manner as possible.

 

Good luck