How to deal with heartache

[ReiseOhneEnde]

Hey all.

 

I spent a weekend with a close friend I've known since high school. We haven't spent much time together in a long time, so this was really the first time we had the opportunity to explore each other as adults. He lives very far away from our hometown (he was just visiting), and I'm graduating college soon and moving away, so I know that that is one of the last times I will ever get to see him, at least for a while.

 

I have very strong feelings for him that I don't completely understand. Obviously I care about him because he is my friend, and he and I really get along great and have great sex too. That said, I don't think a serious relationship would really work out between us (for several very essential reasons).

 

I just have this deep sinking pain right under my ribcage (I'm sure you know the feeling) and I can't figure out how to get rid of it and move on - do homework, clean, etc. All I feel like doing is crying. I don't understand why this hurts so much - he and I are on great terms, and we both care about each other but are happy with a pretty casual relationship. I've never felt this way except for when someone broke my heart, and at least then I could be angry or something.

 

Any advice?? It hurts way too much.

[Dean_Wincheste]

It's because you are in love with him, or maybe infatuated, whatever you want to call it. I don't understand why you are convincing yourself that this can't work. Have you considered having a long-distance relationship? Why don't you talk to him and tell him how you feel?

[ReiseOhneEnde]

I don't think I'm in love with him; I care about him, but I don't know him very well at all (like I said, we have not seen much of each other since high school). Infatuated, maybe.

 

He has already said that he's not interested in LDRs, and frankly I'm not either; it's very likely that I'll leave the country when I graduate, and that would just be completely unfeasible. Besides, he's had a lot of serious drug problems that he's only recently (within the last year) started to resolve, he has no college education, no real long-term goals, etc. He's a great person: interesting, caring, intelligent, etc. But things would never work between us (at least not unless we grew/changed a lot), and I think we both know that.

[catfeeder]

This isn't some prudish finger-wag, but there really-really are valid reasons why some pretty smart people advise against sleeping with someone casually.

 

This is normal stuff, and it's showing you exactly why FWB's can harm you.

 

It's not about morals, it's about the heart. Most women (not all) tend to have that place awakened through sex, and why would you want it any other way?

 

The big trick is not to have sex with anyone you're not ready to open your heart to. I understand if that's not easy, but at the same time, it is simple.

 

In your corner.

[ReiseOhneEnde]

Thanks catfeeder.

 

I don't regret having sex with him, but that's definitely a valid point. I actually thought about that last night: would I be feeling this way if we hadn't had sex? Maybe, but definitely not as strongly.

 

Still, like I said, I don't regret it - it was a wonderful experience and a wonderful memory. I just need to figure out how to deal with sadness/wistfulness without letting it consume me.