Assess my situation please...

[johnnyhala]

Obviously this is one sided, but I was wondering if anyone out there would be willing to take a look at my situation and tell me if they think there's any hope and if so how much, and what I should do if anyone's got any advice.

 

Like EVERY other situation, mine is complicated, lol. And most of the time, when I look at it, it looks pretty bleak, and then sometimes, I see hope.

 

Why is it bleak?

 

• The new guy she is with has way more pure attraction points than I do, way more.
  
• I think she's contacted me 3 times since the break-up, first, and 2 out of those 3, it was for practical reasons.
  
• This new guy and the friends at her summer job had from what I hear, insane amounts of fun practically every night, (they both on live Panama City Beach, let me repeat that Panama. City. Beach.) and all those new great experiences were without me.
  
• She's reaching out to a lot of people and is keeping herself incredibly active, I can't tell if she's just changed or if she's making a conscious or subconscious effort to keep herself occupied.
  
• She somehow secured a job in Orlando for after she graduates (2, maybe 3) years away (we're both architecture majors, spent all our time at school together, 1 year as friends, then a little over a year as a couple) and I don't think that success is associated with me at all.
  
• Her family loved me and doesn't trust her anymore, and they've made her feel bad about doing what she did, I contemplated calling them directly when hearing this thru the grapevine and almost called them to ask them to stop and not give her crap about it, I think I should have done it.
  

 

IDK about you, sounds pretty bleak to me.

 

Why there's hope

 

• She IS back at school, that was our domain for two years and we were partners in crime, together all the time, as friends first (when she was with someone else, a relationship with a guy that was jealous, controlling, suicidal, and psycho, a relationship she ended when she thought I had no interest in her romantically) and then as a couple. Now she's spending some time to herself, unfortuneately the only thing she's probably thinking about is her new guy.
  
• Getting a job in Orlando when we both live in Panama City and both go to school in Tallahassee was MY dream, and she knows it.
  
• Anytime someone has asked her about what happened, she doesn't want to talk about or has given convuluted reasons that circle around and make no sense. (I'm friendly with her family and I used to ask them about her and asked them to be discreet, I've since stopped that entirely). Meaning she either doesn't know, or has a reason and feels guilty about saying it.
  
• This was a result of me basically screwing up on a regular basis for months. I've looked at myself hard and know I can change, I am changing.
  
• This is not THAT relevant, and at the risk of sounding arrogant and shallow, I highly doubt she will ever find someone better in bed.
  
• We had a small talk about 2 weeks afterwards when I took some stuff to her that lasted about an half an hour in which she made it clear that she felt she needed to be single for a while because she "thinks something is wrong with her." She was officially single yeah, but hanging with mostly guy friends from work every night is not a way for you to examine what went wrong. She ended up with one of these guys, her friend, which everybody saw coming a mile away, except herself somehow.
  
• Aside from the initial panic messages I left on her phone, and taking her stuff back 2 weeks later, I've kept any conversations light and casual so I could do myself a favor potentially in the future, and the few times I have contacted her she's been very prompt in responding.
  
• She spent a long time trying to save the relationship actually, I was just too blind to see it, and when she tried to bring me along, talk on the phone, include me in anything, I actually pushed her away because of new job related stress.
  

 

 

Basically, I blew it.

 

She's no longer "in love" with me, but I feel like deep down in there she still loves me, or at least can.

 

Whether this new guy lasts long or not is hard to tell. He sounds like quite the catch I must say, but on the other hand now they won't be able to spend hardly any time together. But the time they will spend will probably be great, IF, they can find the time, my ex has basically zero drive to do anything if she knows she has something due in class that she do instead. We'll see how her new guy reacts when she says "I'm too busy" 1 too many times.

 

As for whether I will "reinsert" while she's with the new guy, unfortuneately it's somewhat unavoidable. See, we're both big gamers, and we're actually quite good, and we love Call of Duty 4, (we used to set up both our tv's next to each other's in my apartment and play side by side all the frickin' time when were at college together), and we have a lot of the same online friends, when the sequel comes out in November, and even before then perhaps, us spending time together online with voice chat is simply unavoidable.

[Esteller]

you seem very jealous about this new guy i mean i would be too but i wouldnt dweal over it. maybe there is hope if u stop pushing her away or ask her period whats up. but i mean it could be too late. but i mean its never to late to ask.

[Dagger1982]

I dropped $40 on this and educated myself on women. It's a real eye opener. Much of the tactics (if you will) are also stated on this site, but this book is 119 pages long. Both are very useful. link removed

 

Good luck