Need a little advice

[scalcs]

Long story short, married almost 10 years, have two children together, we have been separated for 4 months, about two weeks back I tried to reconcile, but to no avail, I said that I was changing, in our relationship I sometimes have been emotionally cruel, specfically with finanial matters, I have said in the past I do not want to be in this marriage, I don't care what you think, etc. I do really olve her but when reconcilling she siad she accepts my apology, but want to leave it the same , I asked her about her feelings, and she does not have the same feelings for me, I asked her if she has shut the door on me, she said I do not do that to anyone, but she does not want to string me along, and give me hope, and thenb nothing happens. After she told me to go find someone and be happy. I have been doing very little contact, just for the children situtaions. I have gone out on some dates, really do not want to get serious right now. I have been feeling better, but sometimes I still wonder about possiblities with ex wife. Days are getting easier, and have recently lost 25lbs, and feeling good about myself. Does anybody think that I should abandon all hopes with her, and just settle up legally with her and be done with it.

[Sunflour]

I wouldn't tell anyone to abandon hope, but it does sound like your estranged wife believes it's over.

 

If your ex is not willing to attend counseling with you, not willing to date you, and not willing to express any firm commitment to work at healing your broken marriage, then you probably need to move on with your life.

 

On the positive side, it sounds like you've taken this painful situation and learned from it, and made some good changes in yourself and your own life.

[scalcs]

I have not suggested marriage counseling, but I do not think she is up to that, I do know she is not up for that, I tend to believe I should let go, and file for divorce, as it seems useless

[gjacksong]

Hope can be a dangerous thing. My ex told me the same thing, "I just want you to be happy." Its such a brutal statement. Its the equivalent of them saying, "I'm over you and don't care who you decide to fall in love with next."

 

If the two of you are not together its because you have more problems than not. That doesn't mean you can't resolve them, it simply means that it got the best of you. Tell her that you love her and want whats best for her. Then, go NC for 8 weeks. This will get her mind thinking about you. The problem with breakups is that most people dont take enough time to fully analyze the situation in full. People would rather be miserable with someone else than alone.

 

Only you know your ex-wife. Take time to decide wheteher or not you really want to be with her. Remember if God wants you to be with her, HE will make it happen. If not, then there is something better for you. Just relax, believe, and let go. The universe will bring you magic.

[Scaredy-Cat]

It sounds like she is hurting and is trying to protect herself. Words are all very well, but she may not believe you or hear what you are saying. Actions speak louder than words. Show her the new guy that you are by being kind, polite and sensitive to both her and your family. You have children together. When you collect them or drop them off, ask how she is, is there anything that you can do for her, does she need any messages, etc? You are still the father of her children. If she sees that you genuinely have changed, then she may open up to you... perhaps spend some "family time" together to show the children that mummy and daddy can get on (but don't push that on her until she is ready). You will really have to work at improving her impressions of you and perhaps with time, she will heal a bit and be willing to try counselling together.

[scalcs]

well, spoke to wife, things have not changed on her end, I am moving on now, cannot waste anymore of my life waiting for someone who does not want to be with me, side note, I am not as devastated as I though i would be, come to find out that her financial decisions are still making problems in her life, and this was the instigation of many of our fights, I should not have acted in this way, but when your checking account is constantly in the negative, mother theresa would blow her cork as well. But I have learned something, and will take this to next relationship, thanks for all the respoonses, molved into NC, I pick the kids up in driveway now, and drop off there as well>>>>>moving on, life is too short