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Boyfriend hangs out with ex's... CONSTANTLY


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So my boyfriend hangs out with his ex girlfriends frequently.


I don't worry that he will cheat on me, but I think it is dissrespectful.


He got one of his ex girlfriends a porn film for her birthday not too long ago. He says he bought it before him and I were together, and that it was kind of a gag gift... but it still really bothers me. I told him that it bothers me, but he doesnt seem to think my feelings are valid. His ex girlfriend recently got back from a trip and got him a gag calander made up of sexual pictures meant to be funny. I feel very dissrespected. He says that she bought it before she knew about me... but my question was... why didn't she know about me then? At the time we'd been officially together for about 3 months. It's been about 5 months now.


He acts frustrated that this upsets me. He thinks that his behaviour is totally justified. He says he won't buy her anymore gifts with sexual references, but honestly... I don't want him to hang out with her at all.


They broke up six or seven months ago, because he was very much in love with her and he didn't feel the same way about him.


Am I being overly jelous?

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I usually don't believe in exes being friends. With that said, I am very close to two of my ex-boyfriends. Both of the relationships ended 2-3 years ago. After at least a year of not talking, we became good friends.


Usually, exes CAN be friends if there are no unresolved issues and neither party wants to get back together. When my exes get in relationships, I am very respectful and wouldn't contact them if their girlfriends become uncomfortable. I ESPECIALLY wouldn't give presents of a romantic or sexual nature, whether it's in a joking manner or not.


Your boyfriend not respecting your feelings seems to be a bigger issue than just him hanging out with his ex. Your concerns are not unreasonable and if he's not acknowledging it in a mature manner, it may be time to rethink why you're with a person who doesn't respect you.

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Am I being overly jelous?


No, I don't think so. A degree of jealousy is perfectly normal - even healthy. It can warn us when something is amiss; when there is a threat, or an imbalance. Jealousy only becomes a 'problem' when we allow ourselves to overreact, and to blow a potential threat - a potential imbalance - out of all proportion. In this particular case - in your case - something does seem amiss. Whether that 'something' is a desire (subconscious or otherwise) on his part to get back together with the ex, or a fundamental lack of respect for you and/or your relationship, or something else entirely, is for me unknowable. But I do believe you have cause to feel jealous, and to expect some accommodation from your guy.


I am quite sure that your boyfriend would not tolerate this behaviour from you, were the tables reversed. Would that be a correct assumption? If so, make this case to him. Do not bend to double standards, and do not allow someone to diminish your feelings of hurt and uncertainty - when they derive from perfectly understandable circumstances. If you submit to that kind of treatment, it often sets up a precedent - a precedent that allows him to indulge in double standards, and to then bully you into accepting them.


Be firm, trust your instincts, and know that you're being perfectly reasonable.


My two cents...

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Personally if a guy tells me he's in contact with his ex it's a huge turn off. I wouldn't take things any further with him, probably he'd end up friend-zoned. I am not in contact with anyone from my past, I think it's really uncomfortable. I have such low confidence that the thought of a woman who my boyfriend has been with once still being around is hell.I'd start wondering that "They've been together before, obviously there's something that attracted them to eachother once, how can I be certain it won't spark up again?". I feel getting involved with someone who is still in proper contact with his ex/exes is just setting myself up to be hurt.


This is just my personal opinion. I don't mean to offend anyone who thinks otherwise. I think though that the OP really needs to be careful and if he really is so insistant that his exes stay in his life I would reconsider the future of the relationship.

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