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When Our Exes Want To Test The Waters...

vertigoxo

By vertigoxo
in Getting Back Together

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vertigoxo Proficient

vertigoxo

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From what I learned, most people don't come out and say, "HEY I WANT YOU BACK I STILL LOVE YOU LET'S GIVE THIS A SECOND/THIRD/ETC ROUND!", they don't want their egos shattered when you reject them, right? So yeah, the whole "going NC until your ex wants you back", I don't think that ever happens, if not one in a million chance they'll do that. So anwayys...How do you go about when an ex are trying to test the waters with you by doing these things;

 

  1. Telling mutual friends or you that they "miss you"
  2. Trying to make you jealous
  3. Flirting with you

 

And whatever other things these crazy people do. What if you are still in love with them but know they are harmful to you? Or if you do want them back, how do you let them know without giving up your own pride? What are your experiences?

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vertigoxo Proficient

vertigoxo

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It depends. Do you want the ex back?

 

If so, and they are flirting with you, I'd just be direct and ask them if they are interested in trying again, because you are.

 

(but I've never been one to beat around the bush.)

 

It's hard to say, my situation is very complicated and I've been bashed by some posters around here and I just, ugh!

 

We were together for a year and a half, I called it off first, but we wanted to work things out... And then we had a fight, and he "gave up on me", basically dumping me back.

 

I kinda wish he would come out and tell me what he wants, but he has too much pride, you know?

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velveeta Newbie

velveeta

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Don't I wish I knew. I'm the rejected, but he's said he wanted to try again. Maybe. Someday. When? (I put up the detailed story a little while ago. Anyone have any clues?)

 

I've just been keeping quiet, but I have mentioned that this still hurts and was hard.

 

I think keeping with the NC, especially if they've asked for it, is the best bet, to be honest. If you want things to happen again, they certainly won't if you don't give them time to heal and time to realize they miss you.

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Brownstone322 Contributor

Brownstone322

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From what I learned, most people don't come out and say, "HEY I WANT YOU BACK I STILL LOVE YOU LET'S GIVE THIS A SECOND/THIRD/ETC ROUND!", they don't want their egos shattered when you reject them, right? So yeah, the whole "going NC until your ex wants you back", I don't think that ever happens, if not one in a million chance they'll do that.

Hang on, I don't completely buy into the premise.

 

I agree that your ex isn't just gonna call you up and say, "Let's get back together." No way. So I agree that anyone who advises that you should hold out for a gesture like that is probably setting you up for a long wait.

 

On the other hand, there's a middle ground.

 

I have reconciled before, and when that ex eventually contacted me, she was non-committal. In fact, she had a convenient excuse for calling me. But one thing led to another over time (it took a while), and we ended up back together.

 

In my current situation, there's no way no how my ex is gonna suddenly call and suggest that we simply get back together. However, she might say, "Hey, ya wanna hang out and get drunk?" That could happen. Then, once we're drunk, she might say, "Wanna screw?" That could happen too. Then, you know, one thing might lead to another ...

 

That might sound kinda flippant, but I've been through this before, and I swear to you that it happens kinda like that rather than in some storybook fashion.

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jaylh25 Contributor

jaylh25

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Totally agree that no ex is going to call you up professing how they screwed up etc etc but it obviously depends on the situation... my ex is living with another guy but continues to text me.. I dont see the point of responding anymore to any testing of water while she remains with this guy..you just go round in circles without moving on.

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i miss her 2 Proficient

i miss her 2

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Totally agree that no ex is going to call you up professing how they screwed up etc etc but it obviously depends on the situation... my ex is living with another guy but continues to text me.. I dont see the point of responding anymore to any testing of water while she remains with this guy..you just go round in circles without moving on.

 

What does she say when she texts you?

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vertigoxo Proficient

vertigoxo

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Totally agree that no ex is going to call you up professing how they screwed up etc etc but it obviously depends on the situation... my ex is living with another guy but continues to text me.. I dont see the point of responding anymore to any testing of water while she remains with this guy..you just go round in circles without moving on.

 

What in the world? This girl doens't know what she wants, which is setting you up for a huge heartbreak.

 

NC, bro, NC!

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jaylh25 Contributor

jaylh25

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What in the world? This girl doens't know what she wants, which is setting you up for a huge heartbreak.

 

NC, bro, NC!

 

Tell me about it, as I say i've had 9 months of this. We were together 6 years. I've no idea whats in her head but I'm just emotionally drained so i cut all contact. I think there is a lot to be said for them having to live life totally without you for them to really miss you. When your always so easily on the other end of the sms its easy for them. I just want to move on now and put it all behind me, so this is why I said, NC all depends on the persons situation.

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jaylh25 Contributor

jaylh25

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sounds to me like you are both more interested in immature game playing and protecting your ego's than any sort of reconciliation based on real love.

 

You need to distinguish dependance and addiction from love

 

Not immature games at all. We've had 9 months of dialogue but at the end of the day nothing was resolved, she's still with this guy so at some point you have to walk away and get on with your life. We have known each other a long time so its not easy to just let go with the flick of a switch. I dont see NC as a game, its what needed to get your life back on track, for both parties. I do believe that if a reconciliation was going to happen then it would only be after a sustained period of no contact where we have both got over the past relationship and had time to reflect on what, if anything, we had.

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Hope75 Grand Master

Hope75

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It's hard to say, my situation is very complicated and I've been bashed by some posters around here and I just, ugh!

 

We were together for a year and a half, I called it off first, but we wanted to work things out... And then we had a fight, and he "gave up on me", basically dumping me back.

 

I kinda wish he would come out and tell me what he wants, but he has too much pride, you know?

 

Well, if you do want to try again, how about telling him what you want and asking him for another chance?

 

But- if you do this I would think about why you broke up (twice) in the first place, and have some steps/ a plan in place to work on those issues with him, and be prepared to tell him what your plan is. If there are things you can improve on your own before approaching him, get started. Then you can tell him about your progress when you do ask.

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