How do I know this is for real?

[Judith]

I have come to know a bloke through an internet site. We chatted for a few months and have met a few times. I have become quite fond of him and he is aware of this. He has said that he likes me a lot but wants to take it slow cos he has been hurt once too often...(haven't we all?) Some time ago I realised that he still had a profile on the site where we met. I asked him about this and he said that he kept it active cos he liked meeting new people. This i accepted but it was only recently that i took a look at his profile again and it stated that he was looking for relationship/romance...the other option was friendship. I too have my profile still active but have chosen the option of friendship. Are there any blokes out there who could explain why he might do this? Is this a 'blokey thing'? Just not sure cos I have been out of circulation for many years! I intend raising the issue with him but would like some unbiased input into this dilemma I find myself in.

[Sn0man]

Well, mmm, if your looking for 'unbiased', im your man, because i dont do internet dating or profiles.

 

Sounds to me like his proile would still be up because he doesn't know you very well. You said you had only met a few times, right?

 

It takes a very long time to get to know someone, especially over the internet. You think you know someone, but you have to realize that your only communicating in text, not face to face, (aka. real life), where the world is much different.

 

There is alot of room for error (confusion) in meeting people over the internet, as far as im concerned. Take things as they go and dont worry about his profile.

 

Sn0man

[mahlina]

Hi Judith!

 

Good question! That's why I try not to meet people on the net. I think that it's good to keep a few doors 'closed' for now, especially, when we come here for healing, and not to find that 'hurt' again. That's why I question people's authority, intent, and general information. I mean, there are some really, really nice people that I met on this forum. One among, the warm-hearted persons, whom I think, will be our 'Top Leading Harvard Grad Student!' Yup! That's right! You know who I'm talk'n about! That person, is ultimately, one among the only ones, who proves to me, that not everyone is out there to be dishonest. I'm good at sensing things with my intuition. And for some, they're sooo nice, that I can even feel a good 'vibe' about them, even through the net. Odd isn't it! But yes, Harvard Graduate- You will be a success! You have a good HEART, and prove so, through your genuine and uplifting advice! There are some other really nice people on this site that have also coached me so far! Thanks to them, I hope that enotalone will continue to invite those 'nice' people.

 

However, among meeting people on the net in general, it willl always be a challenge, in hoping that people are 'sincere and honest' about their opinions and info. This whole cyber-counciling thing is pretty 'new' to me. So, so far, I would be careful with who you meet. I mean, there are a lot of good 'liars' out there too! But then again, we don't want to discredit those who are 'honest' and 'sincere' people either. So, you must weigh out your pros and cons. I've never really be a big fan of internet dating, but hey, who knows when you meet nice, true, and genuine honest people right? So, much props to you, for taking that jump. I think that you should base your judgement on his 'actions,' since you guys have met a few times.

 

I think that the general rule of thumb is: Actions speak louder than words. So, if his words aren't backing his actions (I.E.-Commitment wise), I'd be careful if I were you. If your partner, truly feels that you are up for grabs, that person should then do so, by backing his/her words. I'm sorry if you're going through a bit of frustration; especially because it's enotalone, which resembles a sanctity, where people become 'true' to their emotions and feelings, and ask for honest opinions and advice. So, listen to your hunch!

 

My Un-biased Advice, Just to so that you Can Better Protect Yourself: pay attention to the little lines that the person says, and his/her 'consistancy' in backing his/her own opinions. It's the little things that say a lot about the person, ya know? It really is a 50/50 thing. In general, I would be careful with who you meet, not just on the internet, but in also 'real-life'. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I really am. If your hunch is saying something, then listen to it. Always listen to your guts. Only you are intuitive to things that happen to you in your life. (Besides your family). That's the lesson I've learned, so far, despite all of the B.S. I've witnessed throughout my entire life. So, yes, develop that 'keen' sense of awareness! One of my friends met her current boyfriend on the net. They've been together for a little over 3 years. So, I guess it's just a big gamble. Just pay attention to his actions, and then decide on his crediblity and intentions towards you. And again, trust your intuition! So, that's my unbiased advice. Hope that helps!

[The Morrigan]

I'd talk to him about it - since he's already said he wants to go slow because of past experiences, he may be worried he's going to be closing doors on meeting other people, only to find you weren't what he thought. And I agree with Mahlina as well as far as your instincts - does he seem like a player, or a bit uncertain and cautious? I'd bring it up casually and in a non confrontational way, like "hey, I didn't want to jump to conclusions about this - I figured I'd rather ask you and see if there was some concerns or worries you had about where things are going with us, and not jump down your throat!" See what he says, in person if possible. The way he talks to you about it should give you a better feel for where you stand, and if things continue to go well, you'll be laying the groundwork for being able to talk to each other openly about even more sensitive issues.

 

Good luck and best wishes!