He has moved on...I keep hoping

[BINY]

I don't know what to do at this point. He is in another relationship right now ( long distance- which my friends point out probably won't last). I have lost my soul, my hopes, and my dreams and I don't want them back. I want him. He knows it too. We talked a couple of times, but he says "it isn't good for me to talk to him." Always the same conversation- it just didn't work out between us right now. Then I say...."maybe someday though.." He replies, "Maybe. I don't know what is going to happen. I will still be attracted to you. However- RIGHT NOW we won't be together."

 

I keep hoping that someday we will. Do you believe that we will? Why doesn't he love me? How can I make him love me?

[Magik_i]

I'm in a similar situation. My fiance left me two months ago and it has been a horrible experience. All I want in the whole world is to get her back ... but I've learned that the more I try to tell her how much I love her or the more I try to keep in touch with her, the further she gets from me.

 

I've finally adopted the no contact rule. I'm going to do my best to forget about her and move on. Maybe someday she'll decide that we were right for eachother and call me ... and who says that if she does I will even want her back? I'm just kidding, I will ... ; )

 

The important thing to realize is that as much as it's nice to believe that there is that one special person out there for each of us, that is simply not true. There are many people out there that each of us can connect with and have a very deep and meaninful relationship with. I know that I've found one such person - and screwed it up royally. If she ever decides to give me another chance, at least I won't make the same mistakes again. And if she doesn't give me another chance, think how much better I'll be in my next relationship knowing what I've learned from my experiences with her. Also, keep in mind that until you fix yourself and make you the best you that you can be, you are not going to have a meaningful relationship with anyone - especially somone that left you (that sentence had way too many you's in it ... sorry!)

 

Buck up and start living life again. Heal your heart and start working out. I can't promise you that you will get back together with the person who left you, but if you heal yourself and get back out there I can promise that you will find someone else and, quite possibly, have an even better and more lasting relationship.

 

Also, if you moap around and desperately hold on to the hope of them coming back to you, you could be asking for many years of loneliness and continual heartbreak.

 

I know it sucks ... I'm going through it right now ... life can sure blow sometimes, but everything gets better with time.

 

I have a friend who had a girl dump him and it devestated him. He was sure they would be together forever. Well, he has since married a different woman and he told me the other day that he still thinks about his first true love, and he misses her, but he can't imagine life without his new true love. He says it's better in every way. So there is hope for all of us, even if we don't end up with our first true love.

 

Good luck, and stay happy and positive.

[Ems31]

BINY,

 

I am also in a similar situation as you. Very similar actually. I agree that you should try the no contact thing for a while. Also don't bring up your relationship and how much you want to get back with them. If they keep telling you the same things, it will just make you even more sad. After a while try contacting your ex. Dont talk about the relationship. Be nice to them and try to become friends with them. Thats about where I am now. We are becoming good friends. Although my ex is with someone else, he is becoming closer to me. Read the suggestions in strategy for getting back with your ex. That really helped me a lot.

 

Well good luck, keep us posted.

 

Ems31

[BINY]

Thank you. It is good to know that I am not the only one out there. It kills me....and I have to let go. I think what scares me the most is that if I let go I LET GO of the possibilty of us getting back together. Even if I call a million times at least he won't forget me. If I don't call will he forget me? It is a weird sort of logic, and it hasn't been working. ](*,)

 

so yes. I have been following the no contact rule. and I hope time can forgive the MANY MANY mistakes I have made since we broke up. I think I need to forgive myself first.

 

you guys keep me posted as well!

 

thanks

 

p/s. I still love him. for better or for worse. i love the jerk.

[mahlina]

Hi BINY, How sad! I feel your pain.

I have lost my soul, my hopes, and my dreams and I don't want them back. I want him.

I know how it feels to let go of the one that you love, but you know what, he chose to be with someone else! He chose to walk out on you! His actions tell me that he chose to leave your relationship. He left. He left that love that you guys once shared! So, it's HIS LOSS!

 

He should be lucky to know that he has someone who is soooo faithful to him, even after he's broken up. Even after he's moved on! How lucky of a guy is that? To have more than 2 women care for him: his mother, you, and his current girlfriend! How lucky is that! When he tells you "Maybe darling, Maybe in the future....." I don't buy into that AT ALL! I think that he's saying that to feed onto your weakness, your pain, so that he doesn't feel GUILTY about his decisions on breaking up with you! Because, if he truly meant it, then the breakup wouldn't have occurred in the first place.

 

His actions would have shown that he's given you his all. Meaning, his all, does not mean that the relationship had to end up in TERMINATION. He's with someone else right now. It's not fair for you.

 

What you need to do is:

1. Care about yourself first.

2. Realize, you deserve someone who will love you.

3. You deserve someone who will want to be with you, and not someone else.

4. You deserve that 'equal' treatment!

5. You DO NOT deserve the mindgames that you are being put through right now.

6. Gain perspective of your life again.

7. Realize, that the person who is meant for you, will stick by your side, and will not wonder elsewhere.

8. Meet and get to know new people, but don't open yourself up emotionally for now. Because, you don't need to end up 'rebounding' and getting hurt twice.

 

I don't know if you would want to do some 'casual' dating, but for me at least, it does not work out. That's why I'm sitting in front of my computer. I always feel like the bad guy, because casual dating means casual dating, and in one way or the other, someone is bound to get hurt. So, my point is:

1. Hang out with Girlfriends.

2. Keep in touch with Family.

3. Enjoy the Night Life.

4. Do things to help you to keep your mind off of the Ex.

 

More importantly, do not turn to others, especially from the oppossite sex to get to know them, just to get your mind off of the Ex. To me, that's called, "Using Someone." If you really want to get to meet and know new people, do so, when you realize that your Ex is NOT your world. Do you get what I mean? Because, in one way or the other, someone will get hurt. And that's not fair for the other person right? It's a tad bit, insenstive! It's not fair for them to feel like they've been dragged along your path of trying to move on, and then when you're done, you can easily drop them off, and act like everything's okay. I guess my point is: Just make sure that you do your healing, as a self-healing process first, by discussing about your emotions through family and friends, before you decide to get to know someone 'new.'

 

You don't want things to get messy. You don't want to end up having your feelings hurt, or someone else's. I think it's important to be sensitive to YOUR OWN needs, as well as OTHERS. I've been through it before. I know EXACTLY what you ARE experiencing. But just realize this: the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON right now is YOU, not him. He doesn't deserve your pain and worries. You are much better than that GIRL! Yeah! Besides, if things don't work out, just like the Aaliyah song, "If at first you don't succeed, then dust yourself off, and try again...."

 

She sung it in a beautiful and elegant way by the way! So, honey, feel better k?! I know exactly how you feel! High 5 for you for being such a NICE girl! =;

 

Sincerely,

Mahlina

 

P.S.- Cheer up K?! These are just the trying times of our lives....With much love! Wipe your tears away okay? You really have nothing to lose! You are the LUCKY one!