Please STOP me from doing the wrong thing!!!!

[Boromir]

Hi everyone,

 

I have been away for awhile and for the most part doing really good except for spending too much money when I go out. I am sure most of you are out of the loop but here is a quick run down of my situation. . .

 

LAST summer, and yes, the summer of 2003, I broke up with my girlfriend. We were together for 4 years. We had broken up the year before and while times were sometimes good after that, she started acting weird and I had a hard time getting over everything that happened. She started becoming distant and not inviting me out with her new friends from her new job she got bartending. I raised several flags but they didn't change anything. She was supposed to be moving away to go back to school, and with the inevitable break up looming, I just said I quit.

 

Well, she was devastated at first, but then quickly got over me. I thought I was ready to move on but a couple of months later I wanted her back. By that time she didn't want anything to do with me. She ended up getting a new boyfriend rather quickly and wanted to move on with her life. I have heard she isn't moving away as planned too.

 

Meanwhile, I have been hanging out with a lot of my old friends that I neglected and made some new ones and I am glad for that. I do have a good time. I miss having a good girlfriend so much though.

 

I have met a few girls but nothing has really worked out. I have had my share of one night stands too, but believe it or not, I am over that. I have been with many women and have come to realize there are more important things than sex. I know a lot of people that know me would have heart failure hearing that from me.

 

Anyway, I have been really bitter lately. I am sick of going through the whole dating, getting to know you crap. Especially with girls that don't blow me away, which is silly as my ex didn't blow me away. I thought we'd be together for 2 weeks and it turned out much longer than that, so I know you never really know and that I should give everyone a chance. I think my ex raised my standards so high that I am giving everyone so little a chance.

 

I having been thinking about calling my ex. I can't say exactly why because I am not sure. I know we could never get back together. I don't think I would want to go back to that life anyway, because I have moved on. I lost a great deal when we broke up. I thought one day we'd get married. Many of my friends and family think I am better without her, but I have no one else with me to tell them they are right. I am surrounded by great family and friends but I am so lonely sometimes. It eats at me.

 

I just game my friend my cell phone so I would give in to the urge to call her right now, but I am afraid the urge will come back. I know the no contact rule is the best thing. The last time we talked was Thanksgiving when she was going to visit her boyfriend's parents. Through Christmas, New Years, Valentines, Her Birthday, she hasn't called me nor I her. I was so hurt by how things turned out, and you'd think she would have at least called to see how I was doing. After 4 years and NOTHING to show for it.

 

So should I call even though I know nothing really good will come out of it? Will it help settle me? Help me move on? Or should I just bite the bullet and be a man about it. This is so freakin hard. Please give me some advice. . .

[Boromir]

Well, screw it. 40 something people read this and no one could take the time to say don't call her. So I did. . .

[sweetharmony]

hey there, i went through almost the same things as that girl, except i did the breaking up. pretty scary similarities that I have w/ the girl. well, since you broke up with her, why should she call you? she was probably hurting so much that she needed a rebound relationship. you broke her heart. i was in a four year relationship and i thought i might marry my boyfriend, but was worried that our hum drum everyday life was all that i would look forward to. i had been thinking about moving to another state and going to grad school and he knew wehn i did, it would be the end. well, i met someone new and broke off the four year relationship. he tried to make a mends to no avail. i needed someone new to feel that passion we lost, but it was rebound and after three months my new fling was over and reality hit me. i started to feel the immense pain of the breakup. my ex and i remained friends for a while until he got a new gf and by the time in realized what i had lost, he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. we just lost complete contact, except occasional e-mails reagrding the dog we had together, that's all. i wish i had him in my life, but i know i'm not over him and the thought of knowing he's with this new girl for almost a year now, hurts so much (i saw them together a few mos ago). i'm still in pain. but i won't call him. i wish he'd just call me, but he won't. it's basically over and i've moved on- any communciation could bring me a few steps backwards, when i've made it so far forward. i think the break-up effected me more than it did him. there was a reason you broke up. you said it yourself, you know you could never get back w/ her. if you'd like to be friends and are okay w/ the emotional stuff of not getting abck together, then i don't see why not. you could send an e-mail. only if you know you're ready to define your relationshisp as such and you're okya w/ it. but she needs to be too. make sure you knwo what you want before screwing w/ her mind.

[mahlina]

To be honest, I think that it would be nice for you to call her just to keep in touch to say, "what's up," but whenever my ex's call me, I'm pretty much "whatevers' about it. Meaning, by the time that I allow them into my life again, I am at the point where I am COMPLETELY over them. Recently, one of my ex's called, we dated about 8 years ago. I don't get his point, but he's been slamming mack lines from right to left. I don't understand it, because, it's been so long, and he doesn't get it. I don't want to be with him, nor my other ex's. My other ex of close to 4 years, also called me. But still, I still have yet to develop any feelings for the both of them, except to keep in touch as 'old pals.' I think that people just grow up, mature, and grow apart, so to speak.

 

So, if you do call her, perhaps, you can expect someone new, someone who's not as hurt, and is stronger. Even when I spoke to my recent ex, about 1 month ago, I just LOST my feelings for him. I don't know, but it's really UNEXPLAINABLE. I mean, in my mind, they walked out on me, so why should I sit around and wait, let alone, try to hope? I don't. To me, when they 'chose' to walk out, their decisions are final! I don't see it as, "Oh, I want to give him a second chance." I don't need that.

 

I did that a lot with my ex of 4 years, and to be honest, it was a COMPLETE waste of time. And by the sound of it, it sounds like the two of you are still YOUNG. So, keep your chin up. Give it a shot if you'd like. Call her if you truly feel like you can handle it, and feel like you're strong enough. I don't know what your ex is like. So, there really isn't much to lose right? Maybe, there still is a chance. But the main point is: Once it's over, then it's really over. At least for me it is. I don't look forward to getting back with ANY of them, because, there are so many more things in life to enjoy, rather than trying to salvage something that's already whilted. I see it like a flower anology, once the flower's dead, resembling all of the romance, once it's thrown outside to freeze, then the conditions are just too 'irreversible' at that point. There's no point in looking back.

 

There are plenty of other people out there buddy. I love meeting new people! It allows me to know that I can move on, and I can find better. Even though, sometimes I feel like I did find the 'ultimate' love with one of my exes, I still have faith that he's not the only person that I will fall in love and find that bond again. So, don't settle! You'll find better! Don't lose hope k?! Just know this: the feeling that you are going through is normal. Sometimes as humans, we want to feel connected. We want to be loved, especially by that special someone, not just anyone. So, it takes a ton of time and patience. Believe me, I know what you're going through, when you mention 'alone,' but that's just life right? At least for now it is. At least you're mature enough to realize how you feel for her, and decided to come out true about your emotions. Much props to ya!

 

Hang in there!

Mahlina

[spiderman_56]

mahlina , mahlina ... the sad and cold truth ... as much it looked harsh and cold I think she's right ...Even how much you love someone you can't force them to love u back , u cant force them to be kind to u , the only thing that u can do is choose a situation where u'll be able to grow and be happier ... if ur ex DOES NOT show u any feeling .. move on there's better ahead and she really never loved u in the first place ....

 

even though i broke up with x and i feel we might never get back 2gether she still showed respect and 'compassion' but in all cases it's in the best interest of both of us to get on our separate wayz ....