New to the No contact

[tumblingtummy]

Ok I have been reading this site and it has really been helping with getting my self assurance back. I did start the no contact but my question is what do I do when he calls me. He does so about every few days for no real reason but just to tell me what hes been doing. I also run into him several times a week since our boys are in school and sports together. I could really use some help on what to do in those circumstances. I know I will be seeing him tonight as well as tomorrow.

[Hopingpraying]

Well that all depends on how you do when he calls, how your breakup happened, did he leave you, did you leave him?

 

If you are the one who was broke up with, how do you feel when he calls? How do you feel toward him??

 

Dr. Lyle is in the house to diagnose.. He just needs more information!!

[tumblingtummy]

Sorry about leaving all that part out....We dated for a short period of time...about 3 months but things progressed with us very fast. Within a month he was telling me he loved me and I made him happier than he had ever been. We started spending every day together even if it was only for 1-2 hours. Then he started pulling away and putting more distance between us. I asked if anything was wrong and he would just say it was stress. Finally it got to the point of no i love yous and only seeing him maybe 1 time a week. I finally asked him if he was happy with how things were between us and wanted to just be friends. His reply was "for now". He went on to explain that he was so busy and didnt even have time for himself right now. I decided to give him his space even though I do love him very much. But again the problem is that I hear from him and see him so often. I try to just smile and go on but thats not always easy.

[tumblingtummy]

The one thing that has kept me sane for the time being is that I dont think he has moved on to someone else. Like I mentioned we live in a small town and run into each other almost on a daily bases. What has been hard is that I am also busy but was making time for him and he cant do the same for me. I know hes only using that as an excuse. It seems that the more I try to keep myself busy...the more I run into him...LOL. Friday night ran into him at the carnival and then again yesterday at a store. I just know I have to stay strong but wasnt sure if I should ignore his calls, dont answer right away and call him back...just act friendly? Its all so confusing

[Celadon]

hi TT - It seems a little unfair to me that he broke up but still wants to have contact with you. He seems to want your moral support, because he keeps calling you to tell about his life. But I'm with Sheyda, I think you deserve someone devoted to you. You don't want to be his girlfriend substitute. The interactions are inevitable, but keep them brief and polite and positive. Rush off to talk with someone else after you've spoken a few minutes. Let your answering machine pick up the phone calls. Then he'll realize there are rules to having a relationship, and not just do things half-heartedly. Best of luck.

[tumblingtummy]

I have done so much as not running to take his calls and then calling back or rushing off when I see him. But then it seems like he will call more often...almost like hes really checking to see if I am moving on or waiting. Hes even gone so far as to call for stupid things that I know he already knows the answer to. Last week I saw him at the school and just gave him a half glance and short wave. I felt great but you can bet he was calling me that very night. No real reason. Its just really hard now because I am no where ready to be moving on with someone else but I hate the mind games.

[The Morrigan]

It's amazing how people who had no time to pick up the phone and dial those digits start finding all kinds of time and excuses to call for the silliest of reasons when you're no longer obviously available, isn't it?

 

Don't let him feel secure knowing you're sitting waiting on his sorry tail - if you feel strong enough emotionally to take some of his calls and keep it short, light, and end on a good note with you saying "gotta run, nice hearing from you, but I need to get going or I'm gonna be late!" Then by all means take some of them - but I wouldn't answer them all either. Wondering if he had his priorities straight and missing being calling on you anytime - and missing being able to - isn't going to hurt him any. If you want him to reconsider - he has to know just what he took for granted and all of a sudden can't be so blase about.

 

If you're not doing anything extra socially over what you did before - get busy. Invest in yourself. When he does run into you, let him see the girl he was initially attracted to - and this was the girl he saw BEFORE you put things aside to spend time on him. Pamper yourself a bit to keep your confidence up, get that haircut you were meaning to try, or highlights, or something you felt was a little more daring than you were sure of then, get a pedicure and get those footsies massaged, take some long hot bubble baths by candlelight with a glass of wine, gourmet hot cocoa, or other relaxing drink of choice. Used to picking up little things you know he'd like from time to time? Pick up something for yourself instead, like that scented body lotion you keep eyeing and putting off figuring it was something you could spend money better on elsewhere. Plan some girl's nights out or in. Keep telling yourself "I'm sexy, I'm beautiful, I'm intelligent, and I'm interesting - and I deserve these things to be appreciated and not taken for granted - and I'm not gonna wait around for him to appreciate it - I'm gonna do it myself!"

 

How you think of yourself comes accross better and brighter than the best of superficial beauty, one of the main things that makes up attraction is usually that inner confidence and shine that no clothing or words can fake.

[tumblingtummy]

Well I ran into him a lot sooner than I had thought I would. Went to pick up my son from school and there he was...which was very unusual. I knew if I didnt even say hello then he would be calling...so I walked over and was as friendly as I could muster up. I talked with him a bit...he realized that we would both be at the soccer fields tonight...and I politely said I need to run. Didn't dare look back at him. And believe it or not I had a smile on my face the whole time. I wont say that it wasnt hard because it was. And now I have tonight that I will also have to get through.

[tumblingtummy]

Wish me luck...Im off to the soccer fields where I know he will also be. I will do my best to be my normal cheerful self and not let him see how much he has hurt me.

[tumblingtummy]

This is just so odd. Went to the soccer game last night and ended pulling up right beside his ex-wife (know her from before my relationship with him and we are cordial to each other). Get out of my car and his mom walks up to me wanting to sit with me during the game. Obviously he hasnt mentioned to her that we are just friends "for now". Luckily his game was on a different field so I didnt have to sit beside her. He was in a hurry to get to his game so we exchanged a few words and off we went our separate ways. During our game one of his friends were there watching and was also making remarks that make me think he also has no clue about the just friends thing. Do you think he may just be wanting some space? Should I just be caring in a non-commitive way? This man has confused me in ways that no other has...and I was married before!..lol

[Celadon]

TT, maybe you guys should just have a DTR (defining the relationship talk). If you're just friends, than what are his expectations? What are yours? Are you okay with what he wants or not? I think it'd be best to clear the air and get on with your lives, however that may take shape. Take care.