i cut to punish myself

[frail]

i just sliced up my arm because i feel i messed up my relationship with the one i felt was the one i was going to spend my life with. i did it because i felt i deserved a punishment for being so dang stupid and always messing things up in my life. Does anyone else self injure for the sAME REASON?

[tastytoothpaste]

Used to. I started cutting just to feel alive and just to have control. But then I did it after a breakup (much like you) to punish myself. I've been cut free for like 9 months now and al I have to show for it is nasty ugly scars. It's worthless and helps nothing. You should really make yourself quite ASAP.

 

Make an appointment with the doc (shrink) if you don't have one already. Mine saved me.

[fatcat1999]

never.

 

why punish urself for others fault? I mean relationship is always two way street

 

if you still feel like doing that, I suggest you to see a psychatrist. no affense but it doesn't seem right to me.

[sfullerton]

I cut myself more than once everytime I get into a fight with my boyfriend. I dont know how else to deal. I know enough to know i shouldnt do it...but its the only way i can feel better about whatever situation is going on. Tonight is the worst fight we have ever had....

[sarey]

Used to.

Not uncommon.

One of the top reasons someone self harms/injures.

[ScorpiGal83]

I used to cut myself not to punish myself but to stop the emotional pain in my heart. Things were really bad between my family and I 3 years ago and I used to cut so the physical pain of cutting would kill the pain inside.

 

However, during that time I also cut when I argued with my boyfriend (now ex) who was my rock at a time when my family was just being so totally horrible to me. I used to think about the knife and/or scissors just to calm myself down. The thought of the sharp blades actually was enough a lot of the time, but sometimes I needed to cut to feel sane again.

 

Haven't cut myself for over a year now.

[themadhatter]

I started cutting to focus on physical pain rather than emotional pain because i would get so overwhelmed, and i suppose it did give me a sense of control over the pain i was feeling.

 

then it got to be compulsive. anytime my anxiety started acting up, i would cut. i was doing it 10-20 times a day. i kept a blade in my wallet and would do it in the bathroom at work, or at restaurants, or in my car or just wherever. it was really bad.

 

i finally got a hold of it. i went 2 years without cutting, until one night i got in an argument with my girlfriend and felt that i was a terrible person and i cut the palm of my hand wide open. i was disappointed in myself

[Jeen]

I started cutting to focus on physical pain rather than emotional pain because i would get so overwhelmed, and i suppose it did give me a sense of control over the pain i was feeling.

 

then it got to be compulsive. anytime my anxiety started acting up, i would cut. i was doing it 10-20 times a day. i kept a blade in my wallet and would do it in the bathroom at work, or at restaurants, or in my car or just wherever. it was really bad.

 

i finally got a hold of it. i went 2 years without cutting, until one night i got in an argument with my girlfriend and felt that i was a terrible person and i cut the palm of my hand wide open. i was disappointed in myself

 

People prone to anger tend to experience events as more stressful than others. In response to stress, adrenaline and cortisol are pumped into the system, priming the body for flight or fight, appropriate for caveman daily living and the occasional modern contingency, but not for most situations we find ourselves in. Anger is an adaptive response to threat, arousing powerful aggressive feelings and behaviors. Escalating stress and anger effectively stoke one another. When the process rages out of control, the excess adrenaline and cortisol set off a cascade of destructive cellular reactions that result in the brain being unable to cope.

 

It is a combination of anger and stress that creates frustration you can't explain or get a handle of leading you to turn it inward by expressing it in self injury.

[No One]

So SI is a focal point for the venting of the rage?

 

Is it a means of realizing mental pain and loathing?

 

Is it a way to seize, calm, and control those feelings of desperate panic?

[Jeen]

i just sliced up my arm because i feel i messed up my relationship with the one i felt was the one i was going to spend my life with. i did it because i felt i deserved a punishment for being so dang stupid and always messing things up in my life. Does anyone else self injure for the same REASON?

 

^"So SI is a focal point for the venting of the rage?"

 

It comes back to emotions we find hard to deal (cope) with, it is never the same for everyone, or for the same reason for one person, only the person who self harm can try to explain or relay why they do it, but most of the time it is a catch 22 to look from the out side and to know why someone self harm, (even if you self harm yourself) for most of the time it is hard for most who self harm to put there emotions into words which made them self harm.

 

It can never be described by one single factor in life, it is usually a cocktail of events and emotions in ones life. That leads to self harm.

 

"Is it a means of realizing mental pain and loathing?"

Yes it could be! It depend on the way the person who self harm def and see it and deals with these situations in life.

 

"Is it a way to seize, calm, and control those feelings of desperate panic?"

Yes it could be, maladapted coping skills which is the main reason we end-up self harming could be applied, to get relief from feelings of despair, frustration, anger, etc.

[arientette]

I do this, i do it when Im angry, and then because im angry i yell and fight with my family, which leads me to feeling guilty and like i need to be punished for how horrible i am

[No One]

I would bet that you are nor more or less horrible than most everyone else!

(Probably, you are a nicer and more sensitive soul than most!!)

 

Maybe you should or shouldn't get so angry, BUT, maybe you know that you shouldn't keep dumping the anger on the family. Hence the guilt since you know that you shouldn't vent on them for what they're not responsible, and with guilt comes self-loathing and more anger.

 

If only you could process that anger another way; if only you could ID the primary source of that anger. Somehow, I bet that you could! Maybe someone on this site with experience in how to do so??????????