Telling the ex she is important

[SLBG]

Ok, just had a thought.

 

Im probably totally wrong but here goes:

 

So my ex fiancée walks out on me 6 weeks ago, she says Im better off with out her.

 

I try begging, txting, emailing etc but I don't get any where.

 

Then I start the NO CONTACT rule. I stay strong for 3 weeks but then send the ex a blank email by mistake.

 

She replies sounding very curious about what I have been up to, I don't reply and she sends another email saying that she was leaving work now and would contact me Monday for a proper chat, she also said she was off to get drunk (did I really need to no)

 

Well I have been giving things a lot of thought and I have realized that my ex fiancée didn't think she was important to me. I didn't show her enough affection and love.

 

So this is my question:

 

If she doesn't feel important to me, what good would the no contact do things. Will it push her away ???

 

If/when she emails Monday, should I try to tell her how important she is to me ????

 

Any advice would be great.

 

 

slbg

[The Morrigan]

You've already begged and pleaded - she knows. What she has to work through now are her own feelings about it, and about you, and all you can really do is weigh the scales in your favor by NOT doing anything that will reinforce she did the right thing by bailing on you. If she's going to reconsider, it will be by the questions she asks herself, not anything you pose to her, and actions are going to be a lot more influential as to her judgement of you than ANYTHING you can say about yourself.

 

Think of it this way - to you want to sound like a used car salesman? When you talk about things you've seen, self improvement, that's what is going to come accross, like a sales pitch, desperate to MAKE her reconsider. Uh uh. Which car gets YOUR interest, the one sitting off the the side looking good, or the one the salesman is pushing in your face, probably because he hasn't been able to move it for 6 months?

 

So she wants to meet to chat. How can you show her she's important without bringing romance or relationship talk into it? Ask her about things you know were going on and important to her, work, a class, a test, a hobby or other goal. Be attentive when she answers, ask for details. Do NOT, NOT NOT, bring up the relationship. Bite your tongue, run to the restroom, stomp on your own foot, but don't bring it up! If she does, great - but let HER lead as far as what she wants to discuss. She says "I wish you hadn't... (insert something that angered/bothered her here)" DON'T get defensive. "You have a point, I never thought of it that way..." is going to get you a lot further as far as her feeling she can bring things up without having to defend how she feels. Ok, so you might WANT to burst out with "but I never...!!!!" Put a lid on it. Listen, pay attention, ask gentle questions if she seems inclined to say more, she backs off, don't pursue it, let her change the subject. If you're going to get the point accross you respect her feelings and opinions, you have to be receptive and alert to what she's saying - AND to how much she's comfortable saying at this point. Main goal here is for her to walk away from this chat with both a good impression of you and how you respond to her - and to feel GOOD about it. And hopefully to give her something to think about in the time following as far as if her judgement might have been a bit hasty.

[SLBG]

Hi The Morrigan,

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

Well she said we will have a proper chat via email on Monday, so there is no talk of us meeting up.

 

Do you think it is a good idea to invite her out on evening after work for a drink/coffee.

 

Its been 3 weeks since I last saw her, she only seems to want to contact me during work hours but she does not want to no me over the weekend.

 

I would love to meet up with her, I dont no if she would say yes though as she has a new boyfriend. Dont no if she is serious with him, others from this site have said not to take much notice of the new guy as he means nothing.

 

So what do u think, If I ask and she says no then what have I lost, or if I ask she may think Im being clingy/needy and decline.

 

when she emails on monday Im gonna play it cool, not gonna mention the relationship like you said and just be there for her.

 

Im going crazy without her, just wish I could have a chance to show her I am the man for her.

 

Well I look forward to hearing ur view.

 

slbg

[Michael2]

DOnt be a fool. You have been strong for three weeks, dont blow it by attempting to see her, it WILL only make things WORSE.

 

Let HER come to you, not vice-versa. When she's ready she will attempt to contact you. She has your number and knows where you live.

 

Her train of thought has most likely not changed in three weeks. SHe has a new guy, which , yes IS a rebound, but it doesnt change the fact that you must let HER come back to you.

 

Got it, good.

[SLBG]

Thanks Michael2,

 

Ur right, Im not gonna push for a metting. IF she doesnt want to see me then thats fine.

 

Ive had alot of time to think and I have realized its not all my fault, yeah I made mistakes but it takes two to tango.

 

Im gonna give her all the space she needs, I am finally getting better and my outlook on life has picked up.

 

The past six weeks have been really hard, I dont no what I would of done with out u guys. U have all helped me so much & I will never forget u all.

 

The ex is going to email me 2morrow for a chat, she must b so curious what I have been up 2. But Im not a love sick puppy n e more, im stronger, I have grown.

 

When she emails Im gonna think before I reply, thats even If I do reply.

 

She has made me feel so bad the past few weeks, I have been so low and felt so bad. Now that I am dealing with it all I can see that I dont need her in my life.

 

It was her choice to leave, not mine. I didnt force her to leave. She has made her bed and now she will have to lay in it.

 

Thanks ppl

 

slbg