Girlfriend is Depressed.

[P-Frenchie]

Hey everyone. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months now, but lately she has been suffereing from depression. Her doctor perscribed Paxil for her condition, however, she still hasn't been her same old self. Sometimes she seems so distant and its hard for me to deal with. I love this girl more than anything, and I know I've fallen hard for her. She does always tell me she loves me, and I believe her, but it's hard to deal with her conditionbeing depressed means that sometimes you don't even want to wake up in the morning. I guess it's just hard for me when she hits her lows and there's not much I can do. I just try and be there for her; if I ask her if she's feeling okay she gets more bummed that she's a burden on me. I know we love each other, but the terrible disease makes things hard sometimes. She old me that I've been her rock through a really tough time, but am I actually helping. Sometimes I feel so unattractive because her sex drive is so low, but I eventually rationalize things and make due because I love her. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can comment or offer advice. Am I doing the right thing? Am I a sucker for fighting for this love to stay strong? Should I drop everything? I love her... that's all I truly know.

[SLBG]

Hi P-Frenchie,

 

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, its hard when somebody you love suffers from depression.

 

My ex fiancée also suffered from depression, her doctor prescribed her anti depressants but due to the side affects she never took them.

 

I tried to stand by her, I felt like I was her rock. She lost her sex drive and became very low. I tried to talk to her but I was too close.

 

She always said she loved me but couldn't tell me why/what was wrong with her. I have some idea why she was depressed but never told her, she would often let things slip during conversations but I never pressured her to tell me anything.

 

Well as her depression got worse I tried to get her to see a councillor, she agreed and went to her doctor who gave her a number of a local clinic.

 

The saddest thing is, if your partner does not want to be help there is little you can do. If they are not ready to deal with there problems you cannot force them to. When they are ready they will seek the help they need.

 

Part of the reason we broke up was due to her depression, she would tell me regularly that she didn't care about anything and that she hated life. Its so hurtful being in a relationship with somebody who feels that way.

 

I felt so powerless, if I could I would take away her pain and deal with her problems. She is so hurt from her past and very confused.

 

Now that she has left I no she will be alone, she can surround her self with friend but the problems will always be there. You cannot run forever, One day things will catch up with you.

 

I'm currently watching her throw her life away, I'm powerless and cannot intervene.

 

All the advise I can give you is stick by her, I no how you feel. She needs you in her life and you can help her through.

 

Never give up on her, you will always be her rock.

 

Check out this post

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It will help put things into prospective.

 

Good luck, and remember she needs you to be strong for her. If she is to recover she will need you by her side and your relationship will be stronger.

[jet]

Hey,

 

A colleague of mine had depression through work from the office, and he leaned on me talk about it. Its a terrible thing to have.. and i imagine you feel kind of helpless becuase there's nothing you can say or do take this problem away from her. So my advice to you would to sit tight, just be there for her, offer her lots of reassurnace, and when the s*it really hits the fan, all you have to do is stick your arms round her and tell her that everything is gonna be alright. Its the greatest comfort of all.

 

In terms of you being a sucker for this.. i don't think anyone can really comment on that, as long as your happy, and you can handle the situation, which at times i garauntee will be tricky, i think you'll be fine. Just keep her talking to you about it, and let her lean on you when she needs to. The other thing i'd say is to try and be as "normal" as possible with her, keep taking her out places, and meeting with friends etc... , it'll take her mind off it, and maybe speed up the recovery process, don't let the illness affect every part of her life. If its anything like my experience there'll be periods of awkward silence when she's not talking and you feel that theres nothing left to say that you haven't already said, so maybe something else to adjust to.

 

In the event that you can't handle it anymore... she's likely to come back at you with allsorts.. and i imagine you'll be left feeling pretty guilty about leaving her when she's in this position, but don't forget, your not bound into this relationship, its ok for you to end this if it gets too heavy.

 

As for the sex drive...its probably not on her "to do" list if she's not feeling too good about herself, so just be patient, it'll slowly get back to how it was. Sometimes being intimate with someone doesn't mean just sex.

 

I was once told "fall down seven times stand up 8." Maybe try keeping her in a positive frame of mind, although for her it may seem like the end of the world!!!

 

So just lots of reassurance that you're there for her, and that you really do care... can't stress that enough. Just because she feels down- doesn't mean she has to stay there.

 

Hope this helps

[Mr. Six]

P-Frenchie,

I had depression and I have been so depressed that I attempted suicide. I've been there and it's not a pretty place. You get out of it by being strong, taking the treatments needed to help you change and eventually you come out th other side a different person. It isn't easy or pleasant but if you love her enough, you'll be the guiding light in her darkness.

 

The best thing to do is stand by her and help her if she reaches out to you. Give her the love if she needs it and just don't lose hope. She'll eventually conquer it with therapy and professional help...but it's a long and dark road for the both of you. She might not show how much she really appreciate you being there, but trust me, she does and it's a hell of a lot worse if you were to leave her. Just be strong and the two of you can get through it eventually.

[P-Frenchie]

I know... it's just so confusing at times. And especially when I question whether or not she actually wants to be with me when she seems distant. Sometimes I figure, "Maybe she's just too scared to hurt me by breaking up with me..." But I guess I think differntly than a depressed person, and when she seems down and no talkative I jump to conclusions. I just long for the day we reach the light at the end of the tunnel... together.