Confused :confused:

[Prachi_Sri01]

Hi

I am a 25 yr old gal. My boyfriend belongs to a totally different culture, namely he is a south indian and i am a north indian.We met in college where it was a cosmopolitan environment and we started liking each other.At that time I din't have any roblem because i used to get my kind of environment and things.Its 2 years now that we are in relationship. I got a placement after college and i am waitng for offer letter, on the other hand he wanted to do a business. I was in his place ( Chennai) while doing my project work for abt 6 months when i came a realise things are not as easy as they seem and i may not be able to survive there because everything is so different there. My mom has been explaining this to me since last 1 year now. I have discussed a lot about it to him. He cannot relocate into some other place because he has to do business in which he should have contacts, which won't be there out of Chennai. He says he will make me comfortable and he will keep me like a queen.He told me even all his plans like what we will cook for meals etc. Personally myself, i am badly confused, I love him ( for that there is no doubt) at the same time i dont have the courage to go to that place again because I literally ran away from there.Both he and mom are explaining me their own point of views and I really don't know what will be okay for me. Sometimes I feel like saying him straightly that dont expect me to come there and marry him ( I have several fears like how will i be in his family etc.).At the same time I feel, i may never be able to give his place to anyone else because i not only love him but also respect him and he is very much commited towards me. He has seen so many dreams related to our marriae etc. Kindly suggest how to come out of this difficult situation.](*,)

[rocio]

Nobody in this world can be responsible for your happiness. He says he will make you comfortable and keep you like a queen? What does that mean? He will buy you pretty clothes and gold jewellry? Put you in a big house? Those things cannot bring you happiness.

 

What is it, exactly, that you disliked about living there? And can you give more information about your fears about being in his family?

[Prachi_Sri01]

Nobody in this world can be responsible for your happiness. He says he will make you comfortable and keep you like a queen? What does that mean? He will buy you pretty clothes and gold jewellry? Put you in a big house? Those things cannot bring you happiness.

 

What is it, exactly, that you disliked about living there? And can you give more information about your fears about being in his family?

 

He says that he will take care of various factors i am uncomfortable of. There are many small small things that make me uneasy there. Like all ladies wear flowers on their heads( that's their tradition, of course his parents will expect me to put flowers even if he doesnot and I feel uncomfortable among all those women), they eat only rice with rasam, sambhar, etc, I eat rice very meagre amount, then they speak Tamil, I speak Hindi. He is a nice guy and willing to change for me but wat i fear is i have to go in an environment which i hate bitterly. Its not that wat they practice is bad but I dont like it. In college many times, I was ignored by his friends because they dont feel comfortable talking to me in English (I mean they dont feel comfortable). Similarly my frds were never close to him. Even when his friends talk in English ( I understand what they r talking) but i dont enjoy their topics.

 

on the other hand he is a nice guy.he loves and cares 4 me. He has seen so many dreams vt me. Now i m at home and he is in Chennai. He misses me and keeps planning how he will earn for me. He mails me daily and v have a good relationship actually. Even wat i feel is that he is the one who will never desert me in even the most trying situations.

 

I dont know wat to do. I dont have the courage to break all his dreams which r somewhere my dreams too. On the other hand i m not able to decide to go there.

 

Life is difficult. for me now. Plz suggest sth

[rocio]

Honestly, it's hard for me to understand the situation you're going through. I think it perhaps has more to do with the culture. Is there some general friction or resentment between his people and yours? Were you taught negative things about them when you were growing up?

 

I guess you're not being specific enough. You clearly cannot hate a place because people wear flowers in their hair and eat more rice than you. Is it because you feel like an outsider? Do you feel that the people do not treat you as one of them? Are they rude to you?

 

Of course, it will take some adjusting. If you live there, you will learn to speak Tamil. It won't be easy. You will have to learn to be interested in new things, to think in new ways. You'll have to be flexible.

 

But also remember that people leave their homes for all kinds of reasons. I left my home when I was 17 and moved to a place where I didn't speak the main language. It wasn't easy. Here in Canada, we have many immigrants from all over the world. You might think it's nice to come over here to North America, but the truth is that many of these immigrants are lonely and depressed.

 

Only you know whether you can handle it or not. But you should know that it's never easy for anyone to adjust to a new home. If you already have bitter hatred in your heart, perhaps you are not someone who is meant for this kind of profound change.

[Prachi_Sri01]

I think you are right. If i decide to go with him, i should have lot of courage. If i don't have that,I should not go for it perhaps.