So many of you..are me

[baby_pheonix]

It doesn't help though. It just makes me more sad to know life is unfair to so many people. I am so tired. So emotionally tired. I wake every morning in pain, going on only because I have to for my kids. I pray every day that today the hurt will stop, and it never does. It just keeps getting worse. In my mind I understand depression, stages of grief, yada yada....but that does nothing to help my heart. I thought, once, i had found the answer, i had found a happiness i could keep. Now i just feel like the butt of Go's jokes. I feel like I am being punished. Every move I make is wrong. Every attempt I make to heal only causes more pain. I am so ready to give up. I pray for death to take me while i sleep. I can't find the answers. People tell me they are within me...but i have looked, tried, they are not there. I am alone in the world save those two kids. They are the only reason i go on...and sometimes (and it only makes me feel worse) i resent having to go on for them. It's worse because I see those who hurt me go on to be rewarded with happy lives. They can go on and I am stuck...lost....trapped in my own grief and hurt and unable to fight my way out.

[lisaria]

baby_phoenix it will get better. It has to. I'm in a situation where my ex just went to FL with his new g/f for a vacation. He got a promotion just a few weeks after we split. So he's got a new g/f (whom he was cheating on me with), a promotion with more pay and benefits and he took his bimbo on the vacation that was supposed to be for us. Life just gets better and better for him. I'm left in the mud trying to get over that lying, cheating SOB and wondering why I still want him back. I'd give my right arm to hear his voice on the phone when I answer it. Or to get an email from him. But nothing. It's like I never existed for him. It hurts so bad. And you're right, there are so many more like us. It is a sad world out there. My kids are keeping me halfway sane. I have to act alot when I'm around them, but that is probably good. Your kids will keep you going when nothing else will. Thank God. It is good that we can come up here and vent and look at other posts and know that we are not alone. That someone is going through or has gone through what we are experiencing and they made it through to the other side. We will too. We have to for our kids. Hang in there baby and let me know how you are doing.

[ck]

Yup life sucks and there seems to be more jerks out their than good people that love to mess life up more for everyone. I don't know who made the rules but whoever did decided to make life hell for some people worser than others. And your right even though people say they are their for you truth is nobody can be with you All the time.

 

All I can say is think of something that you like out of life even though everybody may call it silly, or make fun of you for it like playing good video games, watching great movies or something. Like your 2 children you seem to have got the hang of it.

[benchwarmer]

If all you see is suffering, you aren't looking in the right places. This website has many visitors who are in pain; but, from my limited time spent here, I see at least 3 or 4 cheerful posts to every sad one. This thread is an example. You posted about your pain and you received at least 3 responses telling you to keep your chin up. Whether we walk through this life happy or sad is purely our choice. I've met people who have been dealt serious blows in this life who carry their spirits high; I've seen people who get all the breaks remain jaded and comically shallow.

 

Go outside and smell the spring air; look at the pictures in the clouds. Find the sense of wonder that you must have experienced in childhood. Share it with your kids. Hold your baby's hand; experience the joy in your children's eyes when you tell them you love them(and tickle them).

 

This grand design of life is not meant for you to see completely. Just have faith that your needs will be taken care of and the struggles that you face will help you in the grand design. Life is nothing but hard; but it is not all suffering. Even for the most down-trodden, life is 99 parts wonder and 1 part pain. But we disproportionalize this by focusing on that 1 part of pain. At the end of the day, we may look back and see that we've spent the entire sun drenched day worrying about something that should have had very little burdon on us. Cursing someone else's seemingly charmed life is another way in which we forget our own blessings.

 

Live, love, and learn. If you can do those three things, maybe one day you can make your own positive reply to someone in need of help here at this website. I have had suicidal thoughts and fought with depression; I imagine that, as long as I'm alive, I will always have to battle those feelings. But they are few and far between now because I have focused on those three things. This life requires work and work is suffering. But don't fight the suffering; if you do, you are experiencing twice the pain you were meant to, the pain of suffering and of fighting.

 

It's a wonderful world for those who dare to wonder. Let God be the shepherd; we are the sheep. When we try to be the shepherd, we create lots of work for ourselves that is completely unnecessary.

 

Make it a great day! Pass it along.