depressed over situation with my family

[mc1981]

I am in a bad place with my family right now (my mother and father and sister). They do not approve of my boyfriend of two and a half years due to two circumstances: his age (he is 46, I am 27) and the fact that he has been divorced twice already.

 

I told my family about our relationship about a month before Christmas last year. I expected them to have to get used to the two things I listed above, but I did not anticipate the violent reaction that they would have. They have told me that he will never be accepted, and they will never call him "son-in-law" if we get married. My mother has sent me letters and emails pleading with me to "see the light." My father told me that if I marry my boyfriend, it will kill my mother.

 

Now, my family does not know anything about my boyfriend from direct experience. But my father hired a $20 PI to pull up information on him, so all they know about him are the statistics you can find on the web: his age, number of times he's been married, number of children. They refuse to meet him and get to know him and form their opinion that way (the normal way).

 

Since December, I have all but cut them out of my life. I have never been particularly close to my family, but at the very least, we have always been there for each other in times of need. I don't know if they realize how hurt I am. Over the past month, I have been especially distraught and depressed over this situation, being prone to tearing up at random and inconvenient times. This all really started to hit me over Mother's day when I realized I wanted to have nothing to do with my own mother. I am ashamed at how my family is behaving.

 

These emotions have really taken over my life. I am depressed all the time now, and as I mentioned, I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of tears. I don't know what to do. For a little background, my boyfriend and I have a happy and healthy relationship. We aren't engaged yet, but we have talked seriously about getting married some day. But this has nothing to do with how serious my boyfriend and I are, or if we are going to get married or not--I don't need my family's permission to get married or to date. To me what this has to do with is the fact that my family doesn't care if I'm happy, they want me to do things exactly their way, and to them that's all that matters. This thought is ripping me apart.

 

I need help to deal.

[Ruede]

It's definitely unfortunate that your parents are simply refusing to even meet him. I can understand the near 20-year age gap, the fact that he's had two previous unsuccessful marriages, and the fact that he's probably closer to your parents' age than yours, is disconcerting them. People have problems with these things... it's inevitable. How does your boyfriend feel?

 

Maybe he can try giving them a phone call?