IMAbadman Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 And this takes monthssss to sink in, right? I don't think this even applies if they're seeing someone new. Yep... can take days, weeks, months, years... always different. Yes, it still applies if they're seeing someone different. Seeing as they've "moved on" their reaction may be less predictable. Link to comment
agtc Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Yep... can take days, weeks, months, years... always different. Yes, it still applies if they're seeing someone different. Seeing as they've "moved on" their reaction may be less predictable. You made me smile I know my Q's seem easy to answer on my own but when you're in this situation, it helps others put it in perspective. Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Well when you aren't around or acting like a little lap dog humping his leg it'll dawn on him, "Gee... what happended to _____?" He'll come sniffing around. Actually, that's not true. I dumped my bf of 4 years and I've never tried to reconnect with him. We just didn't fit. We went NC and the last time we spoke it was because his grandfather died. And I still didn't feel a desire to be with him. Sometimes the dumpee needs to accept that the dumper is over them and that's okay. We date alot of different people, it isn't going to work out with everyone. Link to comment
zestygirl Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Meet up with him, dress nice, but tell him although you love him too...you realize you are no longer "in love with him" and are going to start dating again. Smile sincerely and tell him you don't want to hurt him...and you hope you can remain friends and that you will always cherish the good times you had together. This is a win win win approach. You get your meeting, (satisfies your urge), you 'reject' him and become 'unavailable', AND if he actually buys in to your pitch & walks away? Well.....at the very least....you now have a huge slice of dignity for having taken this approach. Good Luck. I know it is impossible for you not to meet with him, so I think this 'compromise' is your best bet. ALSO: Prepare to be stood up!!!!! Try not to count on him. Make a plan B. If you don't do this and he cancels on you, you will be crushed. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Actually, that's not true. I dumped my bf of 4 years and I've never tried to reconnect with him. We just didn't fit. We went NC and the last time we spoke it was because his grandfather died. And I still didn't feel a desire to be with him. Sometimes the dumpee needs to accept that the dumper is over them and that's okay. We date alot of different people, it isn't going to work out with everyone. JenniferSNJ if you want guarantees in life, bet on death. There are no other absolutes. Don’t take everything so literally. You did make a valid point though, "Sometimes the dumpee needs to accept that the dumper is over them..." I think your first clue that it's over should be when they dump you. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Meet up with him, dress nice, but tell him although you love him too...you realize you are no longer "in love with him" and are going to start dating again. Smile sincerely and tell him you don't want to hurt him...and you hope you can remain friends and that you will always cherish the good times you had together. This is a win win win approach. You get your meeting, (satisfies your urge), you 'reject' him and become 'unavailable', AND if he actually buys in to your pitch & walks away? Well.....at the very least....you now have a huge slice of dignity for having taken this approach. Damn honey... now that's ZESTY!! Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 you can't make someone fall in love with you. harsh, yes but that is the reality of the matter Link to comment
Tanzi Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Sometimes the dumpee needs to accept that the dumper is over them and that's okay. We date alot of different people, it isn't going to work out with everyone. Yes very true and something I think that most of us are aware of, even if we are still clinging onto that little bit of hope. The thing is, it is hard for the "dumpee" to let go immediately. They aren't ready to let go. And in those dark early days when they are still in shock and confused all they have is hope. Thats why, on occasions, a thread will appear asking for more success stories (re reconcilliation with an ex). I pointed out on one such thread that a success story can have many happy endings and it doesn't have to be about reconcilliation. But thats not what they want to hear, they are still in the early stages of their break up and they want stories of hope. They will eventually move onto the next stage ... acceptance ... and as painful as that will undoubtedly be they will be ready for it ... but until then hope prevails. No-one is trying to force love here. Its just about trying to rekindle what may still be there. Its about a little bit of hope and sometimes we need that ... until we are fully ready to accept that its time for us to move on. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Wow. Four pages of 'advice' based on the opening post, which was essentially 2 sentences? Outstanding. Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 JenniferSNJ if you want guarantees in life, bet on death. There are no other absolutes. Don’t take everything so literally. You did make a valid point though, "Sometimes the dumpee needs to accept that the dumper is over them..." I think your first clue that it's over should be when they dump you. I do not take everything literally. Actually, I have a degree in Literature and I'm pretty competent in interpreting the English language. Perhaps you should be more precise in your commentary. You keep encouraging this girl that the guy will come back and chase her if she does a, b, or c. Clearly, that is not the case. And no, not all dumpers regret dumping their SO as your comment implies. I believe in honesty and tough love. It could work, but it might not. And I don't like it when all the dumpees get together and say their dumper is so going to regret it. A lot of the time, they don't. So you should work towards acceptance as soon as possible. If it works out, it does, but there are no guarantees. I don't believe in giving someone false hope. I rather have her work on rebuilding her self esteem and sense of self and then reevaluate the situation. Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 I'll leave this board on ENA alone. I simply do not agree with the advice given here, even if someone is in the early stages of a break up. Best of luck Casey. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 I'll leave this board on ENA alone. I simply do not agree with the advice given here, even if someone is in the early stages of a break up. Best of luck Casey. I'm sorry you feel that way. Everything you have said is perfectly true. I guess its just that for most of us we are taking the opening thread at face value. But, yes, the relationship has ended and that is something that casey may have to learn to accept. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Ooh, we're fickle tonight. Anyways. Casey, there is never a remedy to make someone fall back in love with you, sadly. However, you can make yourself desireable again in his eyes. If I were in your shoes, I would just gently cancel the plans, saying there's an old male friend coming to town and you haven't seen him forever, and you promise to make a rain check. Then, cut off contact, and go NC on him. Link to comment
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