Is firting cheating?

[chriscarlander]

1. Where do you draw the line between flirting and cheating?

 

2. When does it become cheating?

 

3. How do you define flirting / cheating?

 

I prefer the description:

"Flirting is attention without intention."

[joedown]

Hey im wondering the same exact thing take a peek here and see what I mean:

link removed

 

I have no Idea if the girl I like is just flirting with me or cheating on her boyfriend.

[S4il]

Answer to question #1

 

Physical Contact=Cheating, maybe even talking dirty to someone else. if it's directed to the other person, but a conversation about anything to do with sex, such as a Discussion, i don't see as being cheating..more it's just a talk.

 

Answer to Question #2

 

When you make physical Contact, Hugs is not what i mean..more like Kissing, sex, feeling on one another...etc

 

Answer to Question #3

 

I dont have an answer, it's more a view, and i'll keep it to myself, i think the above answers sum up how I see things.

[chriscarlander]

Hey, joedown.

 

It seems more like she's trying to cheat on her boyfriend, or they have a really open relationship. She may be looking for a reason to leave her current boyfriend, so you may want to ask her about their relationship and how it's working. This may be the start to her exit, and the start of something much better!

 

Asking never hurt anyone, unless you get slapped.....! =)

[mahlina]

I think that flirting is somewhat cheating. At least for me it is. You asked some interesting questions though.

 

1. Where do you draw the line between flirting and cheating?

Flirthing- When things start to get physical, like hugging, punching, friendly teasing,

Cheating- Actually making plans. Going out/hanging out with that person, knowing that you have a boy(girl)friend waiting at home.

 

2. When does it become cheating?

When it becomes consistent and necessary that you start talking, phone calling, chatting, and needing to see that person more often.

 

3. How do you define flirting / cheating?

Flirting- see, but no touch. Small Talk.

Cheating- touching, and also making plans to 'hang out.' Getting to know a person more than you should, knowing that you have a significant other.

[chriscarlander]

Cheating- Actually making plans. Going out/hanging out with that person, knowing that you have a boy(girl)friend waiting at home.

But you do that with your friends, both men and women. According to your description, this too would be cheating.

 

Getting to know a person more than you should, knowing that you have a significant other.

What would "more than you should" be? Where's that line?

 

I don't think that flirting is cheating until you finally cross the line into a physical act, be it kissing or having sex.

 

To add a new question: Would you forgive your partner if they cheated once on you?

[The Morrigan]

I would have to say - not only intent, but IMPLIED intent.

 

For example, in a circle of friends where everyone knows each other, you can get away with a lot more teasing and it's understood by both sides there's no real intent except goofing off or flirting. Approaching someone who doesn't know you in the same manner gives a much different implication - you're very possibly leading them on to perceive deeper intent and their actions will also be accordingly more meaningful. It goes outside of simple "fun" flirtatiousness and into "ego sexual power" flirting. That might not be cheating per se - but it's certainly a caution that it's a possibility if you need that level of attraction outside your relationship.

 

When your actions could reasonably be perceived by the other party to have real intent, not just them stretching their imaginations - it's crossing the line. If you lead them to believe you're unattached and act accordingly, even if you don't sleep with them - that's at least cheating on the relationship, by not acknowledging it.

 

It's also generally a problem if you feel you have to hide what you're doing from your partner - you're questioning your own motives and how it would make them feel and if it fits with a monogamous relationship. Casual flirting and teasing among friends is generally not something you have to hide.

[Sebulous]

I look at it like this. If my partner was standing / sitting next to me, would I still be doing this? That answers my problems. I do flirt with girls around my GF. We both know thats just how we are, we flirt even if we don't mean it. Its how we communicate with opposite gender.

[mahlina]

This is a very 'touchy' subject. I COMPLETELY agree with The Morrigan 100%. In fact, her analysis is exactly what I had in mind, espcecially where she mentions 'IMPLIED intent' and 'stretching the imagination.'

 

I'm an extreme liberal when it comes to lots of issues, but in terms of flirting, I see it as 'black and white.' I don't know, but at least for me, culturally, I was raised from a strict background. So as kids, if we were allowed to hang out with boys (up to age 8 or so), then that would be okay. But starting from 'puberty' until on, it would be considered a 'No, No,' Unless if we hang out in groups of friends, like church youth groups, or just groups in general, but not just boy and girl alone. That's what I respect. I like keeping it at that.

 

So when I do have guyfriends, I rarely make plans to just 'hang' out with them, unless if it's in a group. If I had feelings for him, and he asked to hang out alone, then I would. But other than that, NO. I don't make plans with the oppossite sex just to hang out 'alone.' Hardly ever. It feels akward. I'd rather hang out with them in a group setting with both sexes there, or else just with my female friends. I like to keep things 'innocent', but that's just me.

 

I can't imagine myself calling up a guy friend just to hang out alone, because I know that in the back of my mind, there are chances of things growing into something 'serious'; thereforeeee, I usually limit our friendship at just 'casual' conversations, but not anything, again, like Morrigan says, that has to do with: "IMPLIED INTENTIONS." I guess I'm just conservative in that aspect.

 

I'm like that when I'm in a relationship too! Actually, I get extra cautious. I'm more serious, and 'shy' away from guys. I'm especially like that when I'm commited to my partner, because in my mind, my partner will feel weary about it, so I wouldn't do anything to 'jeopardize' our relationship. I guess I'm just serious like that. So, I won't make plans to hang out with a guy buddy alone. That's not fair for the signficant other!!!

 

Even at work, when I was in a serious relationship, I carefully monitered myself, I would just be 'polite' to the oppossite sex, but act 'serious.' I always felt bad if there was a single hunch of me responding to any kind of flirtation of males from the oppossite sex. I didn't think that flirting back was necessary in that case. And if the other guy had a problem and thought I was a ____, then it was his problem, because My Man was all that Mattered, No One Else! [-( When I was single again, I brought in more budget to company, fulfilling my quota, knowing that I'm not commited, so I can flirt on occasions, when approached by the oppossite sex, without feeling guilty.

 

And in terms of 'once a cheater'... Will I, or Have I ever Forgiven

No. I tried, but find that it's hard to. It's just to excrutiating knowing that someone you gave your entire heart to, someone you invested so much emotions into, your soul, your everything, could just stray, and not be 'considerate' of my emotions in the 'heat of the moment.'

 

What caused it to escalate to that point anyway?

Again, like Morrigan said, it's those "implied intentions" and comments that "stretches the imagination" that lead the oppossite sexes to play 'mind games.' I think it's also called "emotional infidelity..." because even though you 'see but don't touch,' the thoughts of the other person in itself, is just the very 'seed' that initiates preceeding 'temptations.'

 

In fact, since you brought up

I don't think that flirting is cheating until you finally cross the line into a physical act, be it kissing or having sex.

My ex did that. I was with him for 4 years. In the beginning, he used to go to raves, which I opposed, but he did it anyway, got high on X, and 'supposedly' just gave a girl a 'friendly' massage. I'm sure that things went further from that. Going to the rave without me being there, knowing that he would get all touchy feely with the other person was NOT COOL AT ALL.

 

So, yes, to me, he cheated. There were other instances in which, I had a hunch that he cheated. So, I never truly let go of it. I just couldn't. 4 years, I tried, but my emotions kept resurfacing. Plus, I gave my virginity to him, that meant that I thought that our relationship should have been 'pure' in all aspects. Would he have given her that very SAME massage if I were there? So, no luck there.

 

In conclusion, I think that for some, people can look past cheating, and try to make the relationship work, so thumbs up to them! I for one, cannot. I take relatioships VERY seriously, so I wouldn't mess around, and would hope that my partner wouldn't either. If not, Then I SIMPLY Walk Away.

 

Oh, and with the physical contact part, even when I do have a boyfriend, rarely will I give the opposite sex a hug. No physical contact AT ALL. I had a marine friend who came back to visit, and during that time. My boyfriend at that time, was at home, and my friends and I hung out to see how he was doing, I did NOT hug him at all. When we left, I just patted him on his back, choked up inside, and told him to 'take care and be safe.'

 

I think that the motto goes, "Would you continue to do what you were doing with the oppossite sex, if you're partner was in front of you?" That will determine whether or not, the actions intended are considered as cheating.

 

I always ask myself this question when I'm around a person of the oppossite sex, and not in front of my boyfriend to guide my 'decisions'. So, that's where I draw the line. If he's not happy with me doing something behind his back, then I wouldn't do it, including engaging in flirtatious chats. I would just cut the conversations short, and leave it at that.

 

Another thing, like 'porno,' some women consider that as 'cheating,' but I when I caught my ex watching porn, and printing out porn pictures, I asked him, "Hey, do you mind if we look at them together...?" It's funny how he hesistated, but he let me watch it with him.

 

In fact, it was cute how he was emberassed by it, but yes, we sat down, and watched porn together, me holding the remote in one hand, the other hand holding his, him sitting back blushing with emberassment, while I fastforwarded the entire video. Haha.... We just laughed!

 

One thing that I will never forget, in terms of cheating, one of my exes told me this once, he said:

 

"As long as you're not physically attracted to that person of the oppossite sex, then yes you can be friends..."

 

We've had this discussion before. I really enjoyed the fact that he was conservative and respectful about the 'flirting and what's crossing the line' issue. It made me look at him with high regards. He admired the 50s era, family values, Andy Griffith kinda lifestyle, and was conservative in that aspect as well. He was mature, educated, and did not seek out places where he would get high to rub up on others. So, I really dug that, and found that quality EXTREMELY attractive.

 

So, everyone's got their own meaning of what crosses the line and what doesn't. I hope to find someone with unique values like him again. Keep the rules simple and straigtforward.

 

If anyone has issues with flirting/cheating, then I would first of all:

1. Sit down and discuss what your views are.

2. Set an ultimatum.

3. 'Pinky Swear'

4. Stick with it.

 

I think that every relationship is unique in its own regards, so "Communication is Key..." People have different interpretations. What matters is what your partner thinks. That will determine where to set the line!

[chriscarlander]

I'm especially like that when I'm commited to my partner, because in my mind, my partner will feel weary about it, so I wouldn't do anything to 'jeopardize' our relationship.

As long as you've defined the limits of what innocent flirtation is and where the line is, then i've got no problem if my girlfriend flirts with someone. I know that at the end of the day she comes home with me.

 

"It is joy to me, to see the heart that others bleed for,

bleeds for me."

-anon.

 

No. I tried, but find that it's hard to. It's just to excrutiating knowing that someone you gave your entire heart to, someone you invested so much emotions into, your soul, your everything, could just stray, and not be 'considerate' of my emotions in the 'heat of the moment.'

I'd rather believe to be treated as I treat people. I know that there is a risk that one of us will have a momentary weakness, for whatever reason, and I'd like to think that if it was me, i'd like another shot.

 

I think it's also called "emotional infidelity..." because even though you 'see but don't touch,' the thoughts of the other person in itself, is just the very 'seed' that initiates preceeding 'temptations.'

That's almost trying to fight nature and human character, isn't it? Trying to stop your mind from thinking what it does? If I tell you not too think of the color red, what are you going to start thinking of? Red.

If you try to stop your mind from looking at someone and thinking that they look hot, or look good in that dress, you're fighting your mind. I bet you're going to loose most the time.

 

So, yes, to me, he cheated. There were other instances in which, I had a hunch that he cheated. So, I never truly let go of it. I just couldn't. 4 years, I tried, but my emotions kept resurfacing. Would he have given her that very SAME massage if I were there? So, no luck there.

If you trust him then he probably would give the same massage even if you were around. (I'm not talking about a full-on body massage.) He could probably 'feel' that you didn't trust him, and you suspected him later on that he was cheating, though you couldn't prove it. If he was innocent, he may have felt wrongly accused. Once you've been worngly accused of cheating, though you haven't, then it doesn't take very long for the relationship to crumble.

 

Oh, and with the physical contact part, even when I do have a boyfriend, rarely will I give the opposite sex a hug. No physical contact AT ALL.

Though i can understand your view, I don't think I would want my girlfriend to have that stance. If she has close male friends prior to meeting me, then of course she should still be friends with them. I trust her completely, i've never doubted her, even when she's getting a massage from her guy friend! =)

 

I think that the motto goes, "Would you continue to do what you were doing with the oppossite sex, if you're partner was in front of you?" That will determine whether or not, the actions intended are considered as cheating.

This is agree with!

 

"As long as you're not physically attracted to that person of the oppossite sex, then yes you can be friends..."

So you can't have any friends if you're attracted to them? I don't agree, though.

I reckon you can be friends with someone you're attracted to, as long as you don't do anything the other person doesn't want to. As interfering with their relationship, etc. Even having a crush on your friends girlfriend, isn't wrong as long as you don't cross the line.

 

When your actions could reasonably be perceived by the other party to have real intent, not just them stretching their imaginations - it's crossing the line.

Agreed! Kept innocent and clear in your mind and actions that the flirtation carries no intent, then it's ok. The style of flirting would be different if its with intent vs. without intent.

[KPrincess91]

i don't think flirting is cheating. flirting makes you attractive and helps you to make friends. so, go on flirting and making more new friends!

[KPrincess91]

i don't agree with you. flirting helps you to make friends and to be more attractive