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Trying to Overcome Jealousy - diary of irrational thinking


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internet history checking

 

So this morning I checked his laptop, he had been looking at porn on Sunday night when I went out with the girls, just as I knew he would.

 

Ok, so I don't go out often, but does he have to look every time I do?

 

Sometimes he says to me 'When are you going to have a night out with so and so?' etc, roughly says this once or twice a week. I don't like because it makes me think he is missing his porn and wants me out of the house so he can watch it.

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internet history checking

 

So this morning I checked his laptop, he had been looking at porn on Sunday night when I went out with the girls, just as I knew he would.

 

Ok, so I don't go out often, but does he have to look every time I do?

 

Sometimes he says to me 'When are you going to have a night out with so and so?' etc, roughly says this once or twice a week. I don't like because it makes me think he is missing his porn and wants me out of the house so he can watch it.

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Hm, feeling nervous about getting home from work, really don't want to bring up the topic of porn, I have said to him I will be ok with it, so I need to BE OK WITH IT!

 

Cannot bring it up as an issue.

WILL NOT bring it up as an issue.

 

Will read some more of my book.

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we argued last night, over nothing really, I was still annoyed about the porn, but didn't tell him so, and I think I was a bit grumpy with him because of it.

 

Didn't tell him the real reason as don't want to bring it up as an issue again.

 

He saw me reading my jealousy book, and I think he felt a little funny about it. Unsure. He said jealousy comes down to trust, if you trust someone, you shouldn't feel jealous.

 

I explained that I get jealous if he oggles other women, but i trust him not to do anything with them. I do trust him, I just feel inferior when he checks other women out.

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  • 2 months later...

Had been feeling better about this lately, but took a HUGE step back yesterday.

 

A couple weekends ago I was away for the weekend, I suspected him of watching porn, I asked him, and he denied it, so I dropped it.

 

Yesterday we were talking about sex and I asked him again if he had that weekend and he said that yes he had, and had got himself off, which he had also denied doing originally.

 

I was mega upset about the lie, we shouted and screamed at each other, we are never EVER going to agree on this, but it's the only bad thing in our relationship. I wish I could get over this :sad:

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so looking at the length of time between my 2 latest posts, it's over 2 months, why do I let this bother me so much?

 

We have lived together for about 7 months now and there have been about 5/6 occassions when he has watched it, let's say once a month. So why does it bother me?

 

I know why, cos if he had the opportunity then I know he would do it more, it's just cos I'm around that he doesn't do it. When I went for my weekend away it was the FIRST thing he did. I left our house and he went and watched porn straight away, that's why it bothers me. If he was horny, he could have got it on with me before i'd left

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