I'm REALLY shy. Just need to talk. It get's frustrating.

[hijinx]

Hi.

Well, first I'm REALLY REALLY shy. Plus I don't have a lot of self-esteem, which doesn't help my shyness either. Actually it's probably the main reason for it. I'm not exactly one of the hot, popular girls in school. I think I've gotten better about my self-esteem though because I'll admit I'm not a monster or anything either, but I still just can't see myself as good looking. My friends all try to tell me different, but I just don't see it. Basically I have a problem with my image because I'm not skinny. And I'm not one of those people who want to be tooth picks. Anyways.

I think it's because of this this that I'm so shy.

 

I'm not a loner, though. I have a lot of friends, but they're all, literally, girls. I think I've got maybe two guy friends. And they're like friends of my other friends. The only guy that I can really talk to is my cousin. So..I guess you could say I'm a loner when it comes to guys. But it's not that I don't want guy friends, I just can't seem to get comfortable enough around them to actually start or have a friendship with them. And that's just guys I'm not attracted to. If I actually LIKE a guy I'm lucky to get "Hi." out. I swear my brain decides to turn off around guys, and if I like a guy it completely walks out. So I'm left standing there looking like more of an idiot than usual. That's if I actually get up the nerve to actually say somethin to him. But I usually just ignore a guy if I like him because I dont know what to DO! Well, I know I should at least start off by saying SOMETHING but it just doesn't work. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's so frustrating sometimes.

 

Anyways, that's how shy I am, and sometimes it's worse than that. It's hopeless. Like, I like this guy in one of my classes. It's strange, I don't like tons of guys, and when I do they're usually not all popular and everything. He's actually kind of a nerd, but I think he's cute. Buuut of course, me being me, nobody knows this. Not even my friends know. Well...my best friend sort of knows. And my friend on the internet knows...but thats different, I've never met the people on the internet, so..it's weird. Anyways. Practically nobody knows about him and he definitely doesnt know anything. I wish I could at least TALK to him, but ya..I'm an idiot. Can't even get hi out. So I'm like...trying to discreetly watch him. Sad really...

 

Anyhow. Just thought I'd say somethin about my shyness...it seems pretty bad to me. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. Sorry for making whoevers read this read a whole novel. Feel free to comment on it.

Thanks :silly:

[Sk8r55]

Hi.

Well, first I'm REALLY REALLY shy. Plus I don't have a lot of self-esteem, which doesn't help my shyness either.

join the club

[Gunther]

well it seems like you are a little image consious, maybe you should try to do exersizes or somthing. But if you see a guy you like just talk to him, the very worst that could happen is that you get turned down then you just move on. But on the other hand maybe something will spark, then you could build on that. I'm not saying go up to strangers and talk to them. Choose people that you see on a daily basis, weather it is at your job or in school. Well, hope this helps.

[Fisch]

Hiya Hijinx,

Sup? Although i have never been that shy myself, I gotsa tells ya, the only way to become less shy is to be more bold and experiment (socially) more. After your first real relationship or even after the first time a guy responds to your actions, you will feel alot better about yourself, and more confident in general. WARNING if you get rejected do not take it as a face value of your self worth, cuz simply put its not. Now im not saying that you might not get rejected if you try, but who cares. People's fear of rejection usually stems from a fear that they are below some global average that everyone follows to judge people with. It is not that way, people are all different and so are their tastes, generalizations can be made, sure. Perhaps there are some extreme cases that nobody would date, but i can assure without even looking at you that there are plenty of guys that would take you. But obviously not everyone is made for eachother (friends or otherwise). And the easiest get rich with confidence quick scheme is EXPERIENCE! Start out small, wait for a casual situation where there is a guy who you wouldnt mind talking to, talk about something work related or hobby related and focus on the conversation, think about what you are saying and what he is saying ask your mind questions about what he just said to think of something new to say (mind must answer questions, even if it is: i dont know). If you feel nervous or self conscious, take those feelings and part them from yourself, tell yourself that those feelings are uncontrollable, and the reason that you are even talking to this guy, is to eliminate the physical sensation of being nervous while doing so. If you need to focus very intently on the topic that you are talking about, dont make "what people think of how you look, talk, or your social status" a part of the way you talk to a guy, thats what confidence feels like. I know its difficult but the more you do it, even if you are a bumbling mess the first time, the easier it will be. Being a guy myself, i can tell you that if the ugliest girl in the world started a conversation, and she was talking without thinking about my opinion of the way she looks or her status etc. i would respond positivly.

Lol i have more to say, but ill stop there cuz i must control myself lolol. So start a-practicin'

 

Hope i helped, if you have any questions about my advice tellz me and illl be glad to respond.

Your pal - FISCH

 

[lisaria]

Hey Hijinx,

I can identify so much with you. I was so incredibly shy for years. I also didn't say anything to guys I liked or thought were cute because I also didn't want to sound or look like an idiot. I am still shy to a certain extent usually in crowds, but it will get better. Only you have to put yourself out there and risk rejection. Talk to someone. Start out with just saying hi when you pass someone in the halls. Don't look down, hold your head up like you own the place. If someone doesn't respond then that doesn't mean it's you. Maybe they have a problem at home that they are hiding and just feel pretty rotten about themselves and life in general that day. Like Fisch says don't take any rejection as a face value of your self esteem. Tell yourself over and over and over how wonderful you are. Make a list of all your good qualities and things you like about yourself, and things that are your blessings, there are plenty if you look for them. If you can't find them, then ask your friends. It sounds like your friends are a great blessing. Put them up near the top.

 

I have days when my hormones are raging and I couldn't find a blessing if it fell from the sky and hit me on the head. You will too. Just remember that this too shall pass. That's what I tell myself on those lousy days. No one expects you to be perfect (except for my ex expecting that from me, but that's another story) and if you like that guy, then tell yourself over and over (like an affirmation) that today I'm going to say "hi, how are ya?" when he walks by. Then do it!!! What is the absolute worse thing that could happen? He says "Who the hell are you talking to?" Everybody starts pointing and laughing and you melt into a gooey pool of shame. Trust me, this won't happen. He might actually say hi back. If you never start you'll always wonder what might have been and that's what is very sad. You can do this. You can do this. Just writing this letter must have been hard for you, but YOU DID IT and that's the important thing. I wish you all the best. Let me know how it goes.

Lisa

[hijinx]

Thanks everybody! You all helped me out a lot. I'll try and start being more social with people. Again, thanks!

[sweetapples]

I get the impression that a large percentage of members of this forum are shy. I myself would probably regard myself as super shy, I have been really quiet and shy ever since I can remember, even when I was in school I was always the quietest student, and on numerous occasions the teachers would select me to answer questions because I never volunteered to answer questions or never spoke up. One of the bad things about being shy is that I am often mistaken for being stand-offish which is not the case, I really would like to be more outgoing and extroverted.