Chatter chatter chatter

[woopsydaisy]

Hey thanks for the post.i can see it took you a long time in writing it up...yeah im doing fine actually ..well its been four hours of been alone in the house and basically ive spent most of the time on this thing!!..i have lots to do tonight so i better crack on with this.........byb the way thanks for the tip.(smiles)

 

Yeah you could say my eyes are like fireworks in a sense the green parts sprout out from the pupil.......and yeah body language its wonderful although its easy to interpret things what arnt there.Its like for example this nurse i work with when im talking to her pays me alot of attention listening etc..and her body language is open..and while she is listening to me she will lick her lips!!lol lol(that sounds so dirty!!) she doesnt do it slowly and blatantly..i just notice it you know...im grining while im righting this.anyway when i notice this it makes me smile and she is aware of me smiling and i know she wants to ask me what am i smiling at.Anyway it is just probally a habitual thing but it could so easily be misenterpreted ..hmmmmm hang on am i missing something here? is she trying to tell me something!!!! lol

 

Your right about people not being prepared for certain answers when asking questions..but then again communication is complex and misenterpreted.and maybe the question asked could be interpreted by the receiver wrongly....do you know what i mean?.

 

as fragile as we are we have the option to respond to each question you know?

 

yeah i know..... .but i suppose i dunno i tend not to be pushy with women...oh this is so weird this realtionship lol (smiles)....ok i will try not to hesitate in asking questions (grins..only joking!!)

 

i guess i just know what he wants. its odd that i think of so many things and how they will end but he is the one thing that i dont see an end in and when i try to interprite or prepare i break down. how immature.

 

Hey thats beautifully put.and by no means immature .You genuinely feel for this guy and i admire how you exspress those feelings in the post.he seems like a nice sensitve guy..and just enjoy and continue to be happy.

 

go for it what dont you understand?

 

I dunno its like you said that your past boyfriends know you really really well and by them doing this they have some sort of advantage over you.I just dont get it...its like you seem to be afraid that they have a hold over you and your catious of them taking advantage of this by spoiling your present relationship..i dont know.But if i were to hang around with friends who i knew were capble of that i just wouldnt hang around with them...full stop.But im sure i have misenterpreted you have i?

 

me and my twin joke to date that we were never alone i mean heck we had 9 months before even seeing the world together but that one night i had nothing.

 

I like the way you exsplained it..and i can only begin to understand how you feel about your nans death.

 

i attempt to do the same but osme times span off so in that time i reckon you could have fallen to sleep but thats me, my mum always embaresses me to date with the line ''our kelly could always talk a glass eye to sleep

 

Dont worry im not falling asleep and to be honest every time you exsplain yourself it makes more of an intresting read.I can just imagine a woman saying that in a thick yorkshire accent ....sorry its my imagination running wild.Is your sister the same or is she more introverted?

 

Yeah i can understand when you exsplain about not wanting to take the realtionship any further until you feel comfortable with that person.It creates trust i suppose and im tending to go by the route now that if i was to meet a girl we would have to be friends first..before anything developes..but that might be wishfull thinking as im not very patient in holding back pysically lol lol...but dont get me wrong i have never treated a girl with disrespect

 

some are in the post but how do you feel about what i have put?

ive answered that one already.....you seem more intresting the more you describe.

 

have you got any small fears that seem to keep you thinking for a long time?

 

 

Small fears ....yeah at the moment its to do with finding a girlfriend.and wondering wether im been to picky with girls.You know i tend to do alot of thinking and analysing about relationships.and i sometimes wonder wether im wasting my life trying to seek out the one.You know im at a stage now were im thinking to myself lets have a bit of fun and go wild and not get into anything to heavy until i pass university..and then again i think to myself no i want to find a nice girl and settle down....i think to much and i guess one of my fears is being cautious in that department.

 

Sorry bout the below ive highlighted way to much.

 

you ever scared of your own mind because of the depths it can go to and wonder how it actually got to that extend and how you learnt the knowledge you have now?

 

 

Very good question...yeah im scared at times because i have been down to some depths in my mind.I have asked alot of questions and analysed myself at diffrent times of my life.Ive been so unhappy with myself, depressed, to emotional about things,to happy, way to deep.to name but a few.Basically ive been searching for the holy grail most of my life..to me that is happiness...(and micheal tinkler ..no lectures please about blasphemy!!)..you know if you were to transport yourself into my bedroom (makes tardis noise) for a brief second you would see a whole load of books about life religion and self help.I can read and read for a very long time but the more i analysie things the more things seem confusing, and confuse me.

My mind is very active indeed i tend to always look for things that arnt always apparent than at first glance.Im the sort of guy who would be quite happy to sit in the middle of town feeding pigeons with bread, while i cast an eye on the crowds that move in front of me...observing there actions and listening to brief conversations..i find people and life so intresting.

i exsperience life deeply and it can also get a bit to much for so i have to take a step back and meditate and let it all go.Basically what im trying to say is yes i do get scared of how deep im trying to go..and ive spent a whole load of time playing mind games .trying to look at things diffrently.

 

Anyway questions for you?

 

some in post

 

Do you get scared of your emotions and how you are able to think at times?

 

p.s dont worry i dont spend my spare time feeding pigeons!!

 

 

[michaeltinker]

thanks kell , for some reason i needed to hear that.

 

thanks love

michael

[neva_black_n_white]

your welcome micheal im glad i could help you out, and trust me, people will say if they dont particularaly like a comment, its the way of the board you know?

 

keep it up anyway, kel

[neva_black_n_white]

hey and your welcome for the post honest, it doesnt matter how long it takes me anyhow, i mean i dont set myself a dedicated time i just kind of respond and how ever long it takes it takes, i also seem to do it in one burst other wise i might have responded the other day but you wouldnt have got my undivided attention you know? well other than any tunes that are playing at the minute on my copmputer.

it seems odd but i need something for me to hear so i feel secure but i also like to be alone, its like when studying i have to be around someone but i also have to have silence, which is pretty hard to find you know? but thats the way i work i guess.

 

your welcome for the tip, how are you finding it being alone since its been im assuming around 24 hours, is it odd, or do you feel comfortable? we were talking today about holidays and how you go away to some destination yet you find it so amazing to find an english product or shop, whys that? and you spend the most time there also, still i thought i would comment. its probably a womens thing, but my favourate comedian, peter kay has the same view *winks*

 

it doesnt sound dirty at all, i was thinking about all the ways a woman licks her lips and i can think of several that is or are not seductive at all, then again, you can have those little fantasies and thinking of how you would answer if she asked ''what are you smiling so much for?'' because your the one who sees the smile right and im yet to understand what exactly she does, still open body language is positive yet your right assumptions can be made that are wrong and have done so in the past, i guess life is a learning process, we have to go wrong to do right sometimes anyway, not all times!

 

 

do you know what i mean?.

i understand completely, it happens often within conversations, and do you know what i found through observation, its the ones that have an expected answer or a predicted wuestion what that person was going to ask at that one moment that when different words escape the mouth that the initial person becomes shocked of feels confused about whats asked, maybe assumption and accusations arise and they respond so full well out of order or maybe just so far away from the original question. like one mans answer is another mans denial. its all different, where you ask one question you open several doors each interprited differntly, not one the same in size shape or colour. like the mind i guess, you never know what im thning and i will never gain one second of information on how you truly think. no two or more persons words or opinions could ever be the same if you asked them to answer at the exact same time, unless they cheat off course, but thats not in order, besides that word reminds me of charles ingram.

 

ive gone off line, moving on. sorry

 

yeah i know..... .but i suppose i dunno i tend not to be pushy with women...oh this is so weird this realtionship lol (smiles)....ok i will try not to hesitate in asking questions (grins..only joking!!)

 

 

go for it and dont worry honest, friendships or conersations are meant to be a little more open, but it depends on how much a person sees, you know?

 

 

thanks for admiring what i said about my boyfriend, its strange he knows how i feel but not the depths you know, he knows as deep as i will let him but i dont think he realises the importance he has over me, he tries to explain how he feels for me, and its hard because its the same as what my depths are he doesnt see but i cant explain that, maybe its me feeling that he might think ive spanned mainly off me and dont truly feel that way but i do, its hard to explain, i wouldnt know what so say you know. he knows that i feel i love him just not how i could ever attemt to define.

 

I dunno its like you said that your past boyfriends know you really really well and by them doing this they have some sort of advantage over you.I just dont get it...its like you seem to be afraid that they have a hold over you and your catious of them taking advantage of this by spoiling your present relationship..i dont know.But if i were to hang around with friends who i knew were capble of that i just wouldnt hang around with them...full stop.But im sure i have misenterpreted you have i?

the beauty of the mind is that we will never fully understand it, yet people like me and you sure do get close.

 

I like the way you exsplained it..and i can only begin to understand how you feel about your nans death.

i was older then, when my grandad died i remember being told in every way, you know, it scares me, even at the age i was (around 8 ) i was aware of most negative feelings and what i was ashamed of, i was seen as th stronger child for some reason the one to have power over most things she was to do, the one ven though small had the hardest bite you know, but those words running through your head ''grandad died in the week, we were going to leave it until the school week was through but we thought it was best to tell you'' i couldnt believe it, i for some reason turned away and cried like i didnt want anyone to see the weak side or comfort me or have a hold over how i feel, after all i should be able to make myself happy. im still seen as strong but the one to be so emotional.

its unique the way i work with people, others thought id find it difficult because of the attachment, but not too hard you know?

 

man im going off on one today.

 

i believe you when you say you treat a woman with respect

 

so do you fear not finding love but also finding it too early? how would you feel if a woman felt more for you than you for her, would you stop anythign at that point, and explain, or what?

 

its ok about high lighting so much, its quite cute lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you ever scared of your own mind because of the depths it can go to and wonder how it actually got to that extend and how you learnt the knowledge you have now?

 

 

LOL LOL LOL to those pigeons, but alright hoe. i can see your point of view, seeing others interactions and the way they take place are something that seems to intrigue me also.

 

Anyway questions for me

some in post

done i believe!!

 

Do you get scared of your emotions and how you are able to think at times?

all the time, some times i think its a positive in the sense that i can see things so vividly but in other occasions i can anlyse so much, in one question, one word, one implyment or one queery i have the abilityto span of so much, i come to the point that i can even convinvce myself that inner most beliefs are something so fictional that the time in thnking of them was a waste of my own energy. i can conduct so much by one comment, by one film and one scene, i can describe so viovidly in my mind that i can portray a vision that i have never truly seen fully.

so yes i am scared, but with everythin it has its positive you know?

 

questions for you

1: why can we be scared of something we love?

2: why is it that as humans we are never happy with ourselves?

3: why do we search to the depths when the surface already has the ability to drown us?

 

thank you for the post, hope your well.

kel

[woopsydaisy]

Hey im fine and im coping been stuck in the house with no one here i was out tonight and im out again tomor night hopefully..so im keeping busy i guess.i know what you mean about having someone there with you even though your studying.is nice to know someone is there with you.

 

About the holidays yeah its weird that people get attracted to things which remind them of home....even when your on holiday and you should be getting away from all that is english.I tend to keep away from anything that reminds me of home to much i need a whole new exsperience when im holiday..and i like to broaden my horizons.im had enougth of watching only fools and horses at home never mind watching it sitting in a bar in a foreign country eating cheeze on toast!!!...but thats just me.

 

but thats not in order, besides that word reminds me of charles ingram.

hey i have to laugth at that i dont know if you said that as a joke or .but it was funny anyway..ive done that loads of times in conversation...associated certain words with diffrent people...and i get people laughthing at me because they carnt quite understand were your coming from.

 

go for it and dont worry honest, friendships or conersations are meant to be a little more open, but it depends on how much a person sees, you know?

 

All in good time kel whenever it comes it has to come naturally, i carnt force myself to ask questions which are more personal...i dont know it doesnt seem right at the mo do you understand?.

 

i wouldnt know what so say you know. he knows that i feel i love him just not how i could ever attemt to define.

 

Thats all he needs to know at the moment i suppose, as long as he knows you feel love for him thats great..sorry im talking if i was him....but i see it as as long as he knows that its positive.Alot of people in relationships dont even get to the love stage so i think your on track to something good.

 

the beauty of the mind is that we will never fully understand it, yet people like me and you sure do get close.

 

Sorry im doing alot of quoting tonight, dont know why.yeah i know what you mean i suppose if i knew exactly what you were like we wouldnt even have got this far in chatter chatter chatter.........its refreshing i suppose when i carnt get a grip of what you mean.

 

 

its unique the way i work with people, others thought id find it difficult because of the attachment, but not too hard you know?

 

yeah and thats really important .ive made the mistake of being to hard in the past ...its good that you have a soft side to you as well...hey your preety close to achieving a balance there mrs gollum well done.(winks)

 

 

so do you fear not finding love but also finding it too early? how would you feel if a woman felt more for you than you for her, would you stop anythign at that point, and explain, or what?

 

 

Yeah i suppose i fear not finding love....im quite capable of getting on with women and forming realtionships.im a preety open guy and im not scared to show my feelings..the thing what really scares me sometimes is that i hate hurting people i care for and i tend to act on my feelings and emotions which isnt always a good thing and i know in the past when i have acted its always felt right at the time but i suppose with a little more logic something more positve could of came out of a situation.Like for example if i was in a friendship with a girl which was very positive and she wanted more from it than me i would probally exsplain to her that it didnt FEEL right and it wasnt right.And then probally a month would pass, i would realise that why the hell didnt i take her up on the offer?...you know then i would be banging my head up the wall.I wish sometimes i was a bit more of a player , but i hate hurting people.

 

so yes i am scared, but with everythin it has its positive you know?

 

Now this really does get me going...!!do you think everytjhing has a silver lining or is it the case that some things are negative and should be taken that way for things to change?

 

Let me let on a little secret of mine (reaches over and whispers in kels ear) pssstttttwwwwwtttt......do you know what i mean?!!

 

sorry.crazzzzzyyyyyyy .yeah that secret .its like every thought i have in my head whatever comes to mind .which in most cases are negative (i think we talked about this before)..i try and catch that thought (like catching a fish in a net ) and it wriggles still being negative and i try and turn it into a positve you know before before letting it go..( putting that fish back in the water).but its hard you know really hard.can you understand?

 

Anyway questions for me

1: why can we be scared of something we love?

Im not quite sure.i suppose in some cases with me its been the case were i have been hurt by a person before and you dont want it to happen again so i suppose you keep your distance...yaeh i think its the case of being hurt.

 

2: why is it that as humans we are never happy with ourselves?

This is a good question.it amazes me how people are hardly ever content .or it seems like that..it is the case with me anyway.You know when you say to yourself when i get xyz then i will be happy and content and when you get xyz you want something more..you always desire on whatever level...you know when i did a bit of research on buddism they believe that to really reach enlightment you have to clear your mind of the ego and lose all desire and just be.I tryed it very intresting indeed.i suppose its just the way humans are in most cases its like the case of you truly dont understand how beautiful you really are in looks until you see a photograph of yourself when your way older and you think to yourself why all of the insecurities.

 

why do we search to the depths when the surface already has the ability to drown us?

 

Hey this is deep were do you get thease questions from?......ive had to read that probally about four times and the more i look at it the more it confuses me somehow...weird.....im trying to think of what you mean by this..and im guessing your talking about going down deep down into the mind to try and understand things.Ok i can only say it from my point of view but the way i see it is that we are searching for answers to things (by the way did you do that little exsperiment in your head , when you ask a question if you really really listen you will get an answer?) the world according to say liam, mr gollum, is confusing at times and i try to think things through according to my way of thinking.But the more i think the more i dont get a truer picture and things only get more and more confusing and distorted and took not how it should be took.Like i said when i read your question i had to read it a few times .where as before when i read the post and got to the bottom of the script i could of probally answered it straight away.Can you understand?

 

 

HOMEWORK!

 

Just some feedback from the questions i sent to you in the text...i think those will keep you busy for the time being.

[neva_black_n_white]

hey, im glad your coping well, and its good to keep busy or at least thats the way i look at it, not keeping busy when your alone allows you to pick up on intricate details that you once passed so i prefer to be secure and enjoy my life to the max, even though that sometimes does involve thinking.

i know this could be pre judgement and its often that i say to myself i never should pre judge others, but sometimes i can become frustrated by others who seem to waste their lives, this could be you scratching the surface of me here, but i do, obviously life is optional, but its those who hate the option they chose and then sit around for others to change it, why is that?

 

studying is important and often i need things to motivate me, its not that i want someone to talk to me at a click of a finger when im happy but more so for us both to be comforted by the fact were not alone, often its good to study around such people im really close to but they offer distractions if you know what i mean *smiles*

 

i know what you mean about holidays like that and routine, i tend not to do that although i love to see a foreign film translated into english, i know its done over here but when its of there origin or even a chat show or something because its different, its like there form of caring like a man or woman who does sign language for those who have inpared speech etc. can you see my point?

 

i guess in some sense i put about charles ingram as a little joke but it does, to cheat is to see him, i mean he tried so hard to get away with it and unfortunatley its publishedso much its put in there with a brand, i dont despise the man or anything i just associate him with the word, to be honest its odd to find another person who does the same as me, i mean associating that is.

 

i dont know it doesnt seem right at the mo do you understand?.

i understoud you completely, only you misunderstoud what i said, although correct i have different meanings, when i approach a sentence saying ''go for it'' it tends to be more empowering than literal, as if to say i like what you put and do so in your own time or way, can you see what i mean?

 

i dont believe you can really have a track with love, its like when you were younger there were stages within a relationship when it became sexual, how can you plan out what you are going to do at what time, i feel it should come natural, be it the last done first or even mixed around, i believe to see how a relationship develops be it different to the norm has more beauty than that with stages. just my opinion there though you may have appreciated it with a possible come back

 

dont worry about all the quoting it makes it clear for me to see what it is that you are asking me, in all honestly i feel more willing to speak with someone who does not understand my every word, comment or gesture, although willing to answer what you say or queery it gives it the edge of misinterpritation and natural assumptions, can you see that?

 

 

smiles immensley as she comes close to balance.

 

so do you fear not finding love but also finding it too early? how would you feel if a woman felt more for you than you for her, would you stop anythign at that point, and explain, or what?

 

i can understand the feeling, and its unique i didnt take that the wrong way which i am quite proud of, your like me, you try so hard not to hurt and in some sense you hurt yourself. there is a fine line we tread in being entirely honest and then with holding due to not wanting to hurt, i know i try so hard not to hurt that i have the capability to do so in this not trying, hopefully that makes sense.

 

Now this really does get me going...!!do you think everytjhing has a silver lining or is it the case that some things are negative and should be taken that way for things to change?

i believe you put that in a way in which i would have attempted to describe, its like i dont try to judge something through the first negative thing i see, i mean if i was to judge something negative and someone else judge that same negative then we would never gain, if you had judged me by one time i had reacted and taken it negatively, we would have never grown from that, the eye must see further than the pain, can you understand? like give someone clear glass, have a little horror and its smeared with blood, do you honestly believe that your not capable of washing that away or instead do we leave it to dry and live in darkness? dont worry its metaphorical, just a question, i could have used milk only i reckon it would have run, and that damn skimmed milk seems to return, but that would have been a good use, never mind im reading too much into dairy products

 

youve got me going now!

 

Let me let on a little secret of mine (reaches over and whispers in kels ear) pssstttttwwwwwtttt......do you know what i mean?!!

say what? that was awfully cute but i have completely bewildered myself with this one.

 

sorry.crazzzzzyyyyyyy .yeah that secret .its like every thought i have in my head whatever comes to mind .which in most cases are negative (i think we talked about this before)..i try and catch that thought (like catching a fish in a net ) and it wriggles still being negative and i try and turn it into a positve you know before before letting it go..( putting that fish back in the water).but its hard you know really hard.can you understand?

just like i.

 

i liked your responce to why we can be afriad of the things we love, its often small measurements like that that cause such great a wound, i mean its such a raw emotion to feel pain that like a dog would have a reflex to a raised hand we do also to loving something.

 

sorry ive been reading alot today and feel inspired, and for some reason this is coming through in metaphors. infact i speak alot in metaphors, still.

 

good responce to question 2, i tried to find the answer in a previous post, asking: why is it that we always see that the other side of the grass is greener, that meaning when we get over there we either see yet another side or the previous side in greater light, never content with the first impression but the heart ache of reconstruction.

 

im sorry about my deep questions, you knew the extent of my mind i guess its up to you to answer, honest dont feel obliged because of me.

and as for the question where do i get my questions from i think

 

(by the way did you do that little exsperiment in your head , when you ask a question if you really really listen you will get an answer?

whats this you talk about?

 

.But the more i think the more i dont get a truer picture and things only get more and more confusing and distorted and took not how it should be took.Like i said when i read your question i had to read it a few times .where as before when i read the post and got to the bottom of the script i could of probally answered it straight away.Can you understand?

i understand completely, there is no right or wrong to that question it was however you interprited, i obviously had a meaning, but with every one question there are millions and millions of doors opened with answers. i liked what you said, un knowing if it was positive or negative, but to be honest i dont think you will ever see the true image, but you will do well in filling in the paint by number, just when do the numbers stop?

 

you kept me busy, now your turn to read through and answer

 

hope you well, see you soon, liam, bye

kel

[woopsydaisy]

Hi kel........thanks for the post...this is my forth attempt replying to you believe it or not!!.....spent an hour on here last night only to get disconnected...so frustrating...anyway hope your ok?.Im going down with a rash as well on my tum tums by the way....dont know what it is.

 

Im going to go straight for the jugular and go for your questions........

 

but i do, obviously life is optional, but its those who hate the option they chose and then sit around for others to change it, why is that?

 

I know what you mean its frustrating when you see other people sitiing on there **** and moaning about it or scaving off the system...and then moaning how bad life is.I dont think its so bad when people choose to be lazy or chose to do nothing and dont complain about it...its just when they moan....its frustrating like i have said.

 

its like there form of caring like a man or woman who does sign language for those who have inpared speech etc. can you see my point?

 

Yeah i think its good that you can see films like that its diffrent.I think some of the best films are foreign films when you learn about a foreign culture .Have you ever seen that film city of god?...its a bit of a heavy film but it gives you a brief insight about how other people live in a diffrent culture.

 

understood you completely, only you misunderstoud what i said, although correct i have different meanings, when i approach a sentence saying ''go for it'' it tends to be more empowering than literal, as if to say i like what you put and do so in your own time or way, can you see what i mean?

 

Sorry i know what you mean now.Its just the mood that i was in i guess i misinterpreted it .Thanks again... dont worry i want to scratch that surface alot alot more.(smiles)

 

Hey your right about love coming naturally.i dont think one love is ever the same as another......your right about there should be no set pattern to it....its amazing when you suddenly realsie that your in love with someone..i might be contradicting myself when i say suddenly...as love develops over time...but anyway its a nice feeling to have someone to think about who warms your heart.By the way talking about relationships i tryed to contact my ex.......i was genuinly concerned for her i wanted to see if she was ok...i sent a text asking if she was ok...she never replyed then i sent another one saying that i still cared for her and i worried about her and that i was sorry it didnt work out...i asked her just to let me know if she was ok never replyed again.You know she must still hate me and she hasnt forgave me.....do you think it was a bad idea trying to get in contact i mean its been since jan we split up and the last time i had seen her was two months ago when i went round to her house., what do you reckon?

 

dont worry about all the quoting it makes it clear for me to see what it is that you are asking me, in all honestly i feel more willing to speak with someone who does not understand my every word, comment or gesture, although willing to answer what you say or *beep* it gives it the edge of misinterpritation and natural assumptions, can you see that?

 

I know what you mean...its just this relationship i guess the way its conducted on the computer.very complex at times(in a good way) but very intresting to say the least!!...

 

we would have never grown from that, the eye must see further than the pain, can you understand

 

Yeah and i like your attitude very mature i must say!!...that quote was eye catching if you think like that kel im sure your going to have a benificial life.(smiles)

 

Hey that glass comment confused me (scratches head).

 

and as for the question where do i get my questions from i think

 

If only i could spend one day in your mind just observe your thoughts .......id love to get into your head!!.....

 

Quote:

(by the way did you do that little exsperiment in your head , when you ask a question if you really really listen you will get an answer?

 

whats this you talk about?

 

Remember the post on self esteem self concept?......we were chatting away and i asked you do this exercise where if you ask yourself a question in your head .if you listen carefully you will get an answer.Remember now?...you said you was going to try it .obviously you didnt (frowns) only joking.

 

understand completely, there is no right or wrong to that question it was however you interprited, i obviously had a meaning, but with every one question there are millions and millions of doors opened with answers. i liked what you said, un knowing if it was positive or negative, but to be honest i dont think you will ever see the true image, but you will do well in filling in the paint by number, just when do the numbers stop?

 

That the thing the numbers dont ever stop.....i mean not entirely the more you look the more you find and as you said it goes on and on and things get more distorted.i dont know if this is a good thing to do.......to analyse, at times...because i dont think you ever get a clear picture theres always some blur or blurs in the background that suggest there is something more to the picture which catches your eye..or makes you think a bit to deeply.

 

Questions for you.i think there might be one in the text as well.

 

Do your friends know how deep you think , do you exsplain to them how you see things?

 

Whats there reaction?

 

How do you stop caring about someone when they dont want to know you...or care for you?

 

Take care..kel... (waves)

[neva_black_n_white]

hey, lol sorry about the whole taking four attempts to reply but atleast it went through this time yay. why didnt you just cope what you had written and paste into word instead of having to retype after you were disconnected, sometimes that how i respond to posts by actually using word and staring out what id like in bold later on. etc.

omg, this is hilarious, i turned round to my sister and looked at your post about having a rash on your stomach and its amazing because i have one but its odd because its like raised but only small still i will figure out what mine is and then when i have ill see if youve got it, shes a little confused how thats happened and shes amused by similaities. mine doesnt bother me so it will be some odd thing, have you got any birth marks? i guess i was curious whilst talking about the body, mines odd to describe so i would have to listen to you first if you have before embarressing myself

 

ok then as for going for the questions i mean.

 

yeah, people who seem to sit around and complain self inflict it, but i dislike to see how they have exectancies of others, like do you believe that a woman should do all that a man asks? only i dont think so, i mean fair enough they have just come home from work but i dont think either male or female should be treated like a slave, oh i know this is off subject of what ive just said, but on tv, not that its an often thngs i watch odly, but i think its kind of unique how they pick a story line and seem to over exaggerate and luagh at the negative life experiances, i dont think they portray them well enough. sorry i was just thinking (only i had to do a case study of different people and changes and thought of different characters off tv how odd they are in relationship to...yeah you know what i mean) i think.

 

no i dont think i have seen city of god, ive seen city on angels but that was when i was little. is it a must watch? im going to watch shaun of the dead tomorrow, ill have to see if i find it hilarious if this is a wrong conversation sorry leave out or forget what ive just put otherwise you will know what mean.

 

dont worry about your mood and the way you answer things by the way, only its a more natural responce so i prefer it, i appreicate the way you took and thought it was better for you to see what i meant than see other wise, you know? scratch a way when ready i actually use a lot of expressions dont i, sorry i just put in what i think or something, just i dont know, i didnt want you to see it as odd.

 

i wouldnt say its a bad thing that you contacted her because it shows that you obviously care, but on the other hand im not here and didnt go through what she went through with you so in all honestly i cant answer your question. in my own opinion i would appreciate the text yet still cntemplate on iff to respnd, only because of fear of hurt, but thats just me, i liked your view of love and it wasnt really a contradiction or more so i saw what you meant. its like how can you put a ending to love?

 

I know what you mean...its just this relationship i guess the way its conducted on the computer.very complex at times(in a good way) but very intresting to say the least!!...

 

im glad you see it that way. its odd, i always say the line ''to say the least'' and often use it with the wrong intent. i dont know how but it happens.

 

]Yeah and i like your attitude very mature i must say!!...that quote was eye catching if you think like that kel im sure your going to have a benificial life.(smiles)

thanks again, not often is it people look further though, but i thnk in doing so you can benefit, it may be difficult but also worth while, and thankyou, my life ay be beneficial, but in some ways i just want others to see light on my words, that would be important for me.

 

Hey that glass comment confused me (scratches head).

sorry i really do think too comlpexly.

 

''If only i could spend one day in your mind just observe your thoughts .......id love to get into your head!!.....''

what is it that you think you will gain/ a less confused vision or just maybe a mind that COULD analyse more than your own. notice how i use culd not does!

 

sory, its likely that i did try it only i have to be honest that i dont have a gret memory, its odd my long term is ok but its my short term i can forget in an instance, i probably forgot about it, and no it doesnt work for my, or maybe i dont try hard enough but it seems that i only analyse, how do you do it? only concentrate on the question not spanning of from it?

 

i agree, so we will never succeed in paint by numbers. would we gain a pretty picture anyway?

 

Questions for men and yes there were ones within the text.

Do your friends know how deep you think , do you exsplain to them how you see things?

not all of them no, i find it difficult to explain how myuch it is that my mind can really see, for some reason my current boyfriend has the ability to go to the depths of my mind but even then there are locks which will not be opened. i dont know its my way of thinking only allowing a few people in, my family dont often know how i think until i break down through pressure of knowledge, if that makes sense, but i sort it out anyway. so its ok ni some sense but i dont hide either.

my belief is to not lie or deny but that comes difficult.

 

Whats there reaction?

they dont seem to react to it too often other than being confused at the way think, or what i can interprite through txt, i used to analyse poems often and people were amazed by how i viewed thngs. like i said when people read in between the lines, i read through them also, they dont see that.

 

How do you stop caring about someone when they dont want to know you...or care for you?

i have yet to experiance that unless your talking about past relationships. but they seem to be ended mutually or more so on such negative terms that i seem to have to cut off my own caring and give in unfortunatley.

but thats not somethig i want to speak about sorry.

 

Take care also liam. since my questions are inbedded. maybe you can answer what you asked me also, it would be good to hear.

kel

[woopsydaisy]

Hi kel yeah its preety weird about the rash.........its just round my belly button area..its really itcthy.i dont think itching helps .i think its going away now though...anyway i will keep you informed.

 

No i dont have any birth marks im afraid...i presume you have .if so describe them to me...if you would or if you want to.

 

So do you live with your parents or with your boyfriend just curious i suppose.

 

like do you believe that a woman should do all that a man asks?

 

No i dont believe in this at all i believe in splitting everything fifty fifty i dont really believe in gender roles neither i think both men and women should work as a team..helping each other out in all aspects of a relationship.

 

Yeah city of god is a good film i dont think its a must see though but then again i really liked it.I must admit i go for films that portray real life.like american beauty and magnolia.....they are heavy films but at least you know that situations like those in a film could happen or has happened in real life.Shaun of the dead , i havent seen it yet.but i saw dawn of the dead.at that was funny even though i dont think it was supposeed to be.Just my warped sense of humour!!

 

i appreicate the way you took and thought it was better for you to see what i meant than see other wise, you know?

 

completely i agree i just want you to be as natural as you can with me...so dont hesitate what you type down please...positive or negative...ok?

 

its like how can you put a ending to love?

 

I dont think you ever can.and i know claire still has feelings for me i think...negative at that i dont think she would ever forgive me......i realise now she didnt mean to not trust me it was due to her past issues..but it wasnt fair on me all the same.Its hard you know even now.in my heart i still have the opinion that i shouldnt get with another girl because i was so focused on her.i wish she could of looked into it and saw that......but im having to think with my head now i should be moving on and looking for love with someone else.

 

a mind that COULD analyse more than your own. notice how i use culd not does!

 

It would just be intresting to see what thoughts you had on day to day living i suppose just to get a brief insight into how you operated....how you operated sorry your not a machine!!!..i mean how viewed things.

 

how do you do it? only concentrate on the question not spanning of from it?

 

 

I dont know how i do it i suppose i just set myself a question and listen to the response i get i suppose... my mind always answers thease questions.and its thease answers that come from the subconscious...and which make up ninty percent of what i believe in and my real views on things.

 

agree, so we will never succeed in paint by numbers. would we gain a pretty picture anyway?

 

No i dont think so .i dont know it depends to be honest on the individual.and the attitudes the individual has.

 

Questions for me...

 

Do your friends know how deep you think , do you exsplain to them how you see things?

 

yeah i think they do but they can never have a complete picture of what goes through my head.......im preety talkative and i exspress my opinion...my friends see me as an individual and they like that i think...they can always rely on me for giving honest advice.But sometimes they dont like what i say ,i really dont know if i would like to meet someone exactly like me... would i think they were to honest i dont know it would be preety intresting!!.I sometimes wonder how the my friends and others really see me deep down .Ive been through a stage in my life were i havent gave a **** what others thought of me, and i never doubted myself and let go of analysing...because i was sick and tired of all the questioning..but i dont think that was the real me.....it was just a suppression of my personality.

 

Whats there reaction?

 

 

The thing is my friends reaction may not be how they really want to react, and i dont know if they are being really honest with me, they might be just sensitive with me. I hope they are ( being honest) but you carnt believe everything everyone says.

 

How do you stop caring about someone when they dont want to know you...or care for you?

 

I dont know .........i suppose you can never stoip caring to be honest..unless you replace the caring thoughts with hatred and i suppose this is a lot easier.I hate carrying around feelings of hatred and bitterness.I suppose you just have to let go and accept that some people dont have the same feelings you have for them..but i know this is hard to do this.

 

Qusetions for you

 

1.If someone comes to you with an honest opinion are you completely honest with them even though they might not like what you say?

 

2.Are you hard on yourself...do you forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made in the past?

 

3.What aspect of your personality do you dislike?

 

Sorry if those sound negative.its just me scratching away at your surface.i know you wont answer them if you dont want to.

[neva_black_n_white]

hey, my rash is doing well, and i think it was an allergic reaction so im ok. and no i dont itch either but it isnt itchy. yeah you keep me informed

 

thats ok about the no birth marks, but yeah i do, i have one uderneath my left breast, i can really explain its just a darker area on my body, it wont be seen unless someones intimate with me, but yeah i have one. i cant really or arent really good at explaining it, and its not something i can take a picture of for you

 

no i live with my parents still

 

i really liked your opinion of relationships, i believe in equality so i have a similar view to that also, however i also feel that both should be able to make equal sacrafices if truly required, if you know what i mean? as if that each should understand the others needs.

 

i know what you mean about the films, and i guess i havent seen it, ive seen american beauty and that was a really good film, i prefer literal thinking films like i prefer to watch thriller not horror. but thats the way i am, you deffinitley werent meant to laugh at dawn of the dead, but still thats optional. i didnt watch the film in the end, something blew up and i had to sort something out, stressful weekend. but still, even though i shouldnt use an excuse thats why i havent responded, sorry.

 

dont worry about the positive and negative i tend to type down what i feel at the moment so you will get mixed opinions dependant upon the day and how i view what you say, its odd but i dont think youve really given me anythign that ive truly analysed yet, so were on a pretty steady track. have i you?

 

i can see what you mean by past relationships and i can see how someone finds it difficult to put aside something that has happened before but i think its something that you have to do to actually get somewhere in a relationship, and i guess the one thing that we have a difference with, within what you had written in that paragraph is that i feel that you cant look for love, but still thats only my view.

 

It would just be intresting to see what thoughts you had on day to day living i suppose just to get a brief insight into how you operated....how you operated sorry your not a machine!!!..i mean how viewed things.

i understoud what you meant when you put this so dont worry about it, i guessyou were trying to say the way my mind functioned and how things were worked out i guess in the way im thinking. well i know what you mean, i believe, just i cant describe it. do you ever have that when something is so vivid that you lack the words to describe it?

 

I dont know how i do it i suppose i just set myself a question and listen to the response i get i suppose... my mind always answers thease questions.and its thease answers that come from the subconscious...and which make up ninty percent of what i believe in and my real views on things.

im incapable of doing that, my mind would process to many facts or pieces of information that the end result would be more distorted that the first facts given. i dont know how to explain it, but i create so much tension that i recap and draw together pieces of information that are vaguely similer.

 

i dont think we would gain a picture but nor do i think we would loose from painting such a disfunctional picture, besides the picture can never be finished and it will only be seen by the artist anyway!

 

 

Do your friends know how deep you think , do you exsplain to them how you see things?

i really liked the way you viewed and answered that question, i have the same friends who think the same things yet they still dont see enough of my mind, they see enough of what they can cope with in my opinion, that i give each person enough insite that im comfortable with, but thats my own problem, i sometimes have people like you who dont like to hear what i say when im being honest but they seem to turn around and respect it, i never state somethin that has no reasoning behind it though, or wouldnt this be just an argument against someone, i dislike making accusations. and sometimes dont like to confront others you know?

i dont know how i would feel meeting someone just like me, similarities are good but not exact sames, i mean they gave someone the chance of doing that with me being a twin so i guess there was a reason for them not picking it.

 

Qusetions for me

 

1.If someone comes to you with an honest opinion are you completely honest with them even though they might not like what you say?

yes, because i have always stated that either i give a straight up personal answer or i would not prefer to answer at all, i dont lie to myself but instead answer what they ask, i think of the result obviously and phrasing of what i put but still i am honest, why lie to a person or denie something they ask that is important to them, people already know my nature and what they will gain so in coming to me they already know they may not want to hear.

 

2.Are you hard on yourself...do you forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made in the past?

i dont know, i try not to live in the past but sometimes it comes back, i guess i gain from them but i dont know if i forgive, i am deffinitley hard on myself and i really do kick my self a few times when i realise that i dont like what isee, but in doing so i can really put myself down, the way i analyse and how i take things to heart and analyse conversations hurts me alot. and its hard because i find it difficult to swtich off. so i do yes.

 

3.What aspect of your personality do you dislike?

i really dont know, i sat here thinking for a long time about this questions, kowing so many answers but too few a reason, its like i can hurt myself too much and i can see negative but i dont know why i let myself to own such a personality. i hate my analysis leading into deffence. the way i can force myself to believe that i am strong but through forcing i am so weka, in natural deffence i feel empowered but when i have to think about things is when it hurts. i know this probably sounds odd but thats the best i can describe it.

 

your ok about scratching the suface, i dont mind, and i tried to answer.

 

your questions:

1: if you could wish one thing or gain one thing for yourself, what would it be?

2: when do you stop yourself from hurting?

3: how easily does your mind allow you to hurt yourself?

4: what disgusts you about yourself or one thing you have done before?

 

see you soon, kel

kel

[woopsydaisy]

hi kel hope your ok.had a long day today at university doing the exam in the morning and had placement until this evening...i spent three hours today driving round getting to places..three hours!!..so im pretty tired (yawns)

 

i cant really or arent really good at explaining it, and its not something i can take a picture of for you

 

(smiles) dont worry i wernt going to ask you for a picture of it but im sure it would look unique ..the birth mark that is!!.

 

also feel that both should be able to make equal sacrafices if truly required, if you know what i mean?

 

Yeah i know what you mean and i suppose thats how you really find out how much love you have for a person depending on the sacrafices your prepared to make...i have made some sacrifices or been prepared to ...........but in hindsight they seem like not the best of judgements...but thats life.Have you ever made sacrifices for someone because you loved them?

 

so were on a pretty steady track. have i you?

 

No i dont think so .its probally because im doing it all the time subconsciously and im not aware of it ..do you know what i mean?

 

do you ever have that when something is so vivid that you lack the words to describe it?

 

Yeah but with me its my emotions.....and this is were i have trouble at times i guess i sometimes find it hard to construct nagative emotions into positive words ..and things are said that maybe shouldnt be.

 

 

i dislike making accusations. and sometimes dont like to confront others you know?

 

No thats definetly a good thing this is were i need to learn myself and improve on....somethings shouldnt be confronted and some things should be just left ....i need to improve on letting situations go.i mean if somethings bothering me i try ever so hard to get to the bottom of it..and some things should just be left as they are.

 

but in doing so i can really put myself down, the way i analyse and how i take things to heart and analyse conversations hurts me alot. and its hard because i find it difficult to swtich off. so i do yes.

 

Yeah ive just mentioned this above and i think i can relate to that.(smiles).sorry its all quotes tonight...............im still in my uni frame of mind i guess

 

i hate my analysis leading into deffence. the way i can force myself to believe that i am strong but through forcing i am so weka, in natural deffence i feel empowered but when i have to think about things is when it hurts. i know this probably sounds odd but thats the best i can describe it.

 

No i definetly understand you there if i may say so..or i think i know what you mean....with me its like i have to consciously stop myself from thinking to much and maybe at times i am denying myself and others how i am naturally suppossed to feel about things?...can you understand?

 

Qusetions for me.

 

if you could wish one thing or gain one thing for yourself, what would it be?

 

I think you have asked this question before ..i might be wrong anyway.......errrrr well the way im feeling now i would like to be able to view the world for a day as a child been completely free from conditioning from my past.Been able to embrace every moment with joy and with open arms to be able to want to exsperience new things and embrace new oppertunities without any fear at all.And just to accept things as they are.

 

when do you stop yourself from hurting?

 

Im not quite sure about this one.......maybe when i die!!...sorry if that sounds negative..because i dont know if i will ever stop myself from hurting .I can be my own worst enemy at times taking things for not what they are...i try not to to do this and in my mind i try and view my perception as a rubix cube... keeping on switching the patterns of individual cubes until i have all the coulors match each other..and im happy with my perception..but i dont know if that is reality or a good thing to do.

 

3: how easily does your mind allow you to hurt yourself?

 

Quite easily if i let it .Deep down im ever so sensitive and i have to consciously intervene and suppress certain thoughts to stop my mind from going off on a negative tangen(s)..i do this with positive thinking and in the past i have suppressed an awful lot of my emotions and thoughts and deny them..which wasnt a good idea.

 

what disgusts you about yourself or one thing you have done before?

 

I dont know if i am ever disgusted with myself about what i have done... strong words mrs gollum!!!...one thing im not proud of i guess is that i have hurt people in the past with my honesty and my views and not really cared enougth about how other people might be affected by thease words.I guess in the past some people may have found be a bit overbearing with my views.In the past i have literally spoke my mind at times and not held anything back and not been at all sensitive to others...which im not proud of.You know there was a time were if something was playing on my mind i would exspress it and i have been told im to honest...you know some things should not be said no matter what you think ..because those words can haunt you and you carnt take them back.So i guess that is a multiple answer to your question.

 

Questions for kel and her strategically placed birthmark!!

 

1.Do you prefer to get on better with people who have diffrent personality traits to you?

 

2.Whats the best bit of advice you have been given which you could pass on to me.

 

plus other questions.

 

take care kel....

[neva_black_n_white]

hey liam,

how did the exam go in your opinion, do you think it worked out well? i know what you man by these long days, even though i would usually be seen saying it, i could really do with more time to myself, at times i feel truly suffocated by people and life and evn with an extensive mind id still like to choose a time where i could be comfortable on my own, you know?

 

im assuming you slept well?

i have a question, does your body work like clockwork and understand when its meant to wake up and in any change of routine it suddenly adapts? just curious because i have really odd sleeping patterns and can only return back to sleep with a television or over analyse and become stressed, just curious. its odd becaus i used to sleep like a log

 

(smiles) dont worry i wernt going to ask you for a picture of it but im sure it would look unique ..the birth mark that is!!.

lol thats made me laugh, i didnt assume you would i generally meant its not somethign i could show, little odd but thats why i avoided and would have preffered to hear yours first, but i lost my own game

 

also feel that both should be able to make equal sacrafices if truly required, if you know what i mean?

 

sacrafices, now thats something, i wouldnt say anything that would have made a great difference to myself, i mean i would change a habbit for someone but not my personality, i am a strong person regarding being who i wasnt to be, not a manacin to someone else, but if someone wants me to sacrafice something i understand the reasoning then yes i believe that i could sacrafice most things. i believe the most i have sacraficed would b, infact i dont know, my boyfriends really havent prohibited me from anything but seem to be generous. i guess this is a tough one, cancelling and rearranging isnt really a sacrafice.

what were these sacrafices that you culd have made?

 

i kind of knew what you meant by doing it subconsciously, as if to say that you dont write down all that you analyse? have you ever gone away thinking of what ive put or responded? and if so why?

 

i knew what you meant about not putting emotions into words, i guess i thought that was theobvious and most people couldnt but i generally meant memories and expressions and everything that i analysed. but i can see where your coming from because its like how can you putlove into words, or at least i cant.

 

how is making accusation such a positive thing?

 

dont worry about the quoting, by half way im used to it

 

i can understand what you mean by the way, we ask that a lot dont we, ''do you understand''

 

 

I think you have asked this question before ..i might be wrong anyway

no this was personal and something that only you could have and not share.

 

what are the words your talking about when you said that you shoudlnt have said anything at all and that these words would only haunt you?

 

Questions for kel and her strategically placed birthmark!!

LOL

indeed it was.

 

1.Do you prefer to get on better with people who have diffrent personality traits to you?

well uve never really seen someone who has identical but that would be something special, i guess i have things in common with those who have similarities and yes i do really get on well with people like that, and i tend to be louder and more free in myself, but this for me is opting for something easy so i usually test myself and try to be open to anyone. so i guess im equal in who i interact well with.

 

2.Whats the best bit of advice you have been given which you could pass on to me.

''dont allow a person to make you feel insecure about something you were once so secure with, you deserve your own rights and own speech and others with expectations should be ready for expectations of them''

i guess ''be true to yourself''

 

questions for you:

sorry about the strong words last time,

 

1: when was the last time you became dragged under with the tide?

2: when was the right the wrong and the wrong the right? (and you opted for differ)?

3: have you ever given up and regretted?

4: have you ever doubted others and been in the wrong?

 

oh and questions above, take care, kel

[woopsydaisy]

Hi kel.......yeah i think the exam went ok it went quite positive i guess.I dont know though i never like to come accross as to positive saying that i would definetly pass it..exams arnt my most strong point.....anyway i will find out in three weeks so i will keep you posted.

 

id still like to choose a time where i could be comfortable on my own, you know?

 

yeah i know what you mean.i need my own space at times and i find this time while i meditate.i just love to and i need to offload all my thoughts in my head and try and keep my mind still if only for ten minutes.its important i think to do this otherwise things just build up.you should try it.

 

have a question, does your body work like clockwork and understand when its meant to wake up and in any change of routine it suddenly adapts?

 

My body does not work like clockwork......i normally go to sleep around eleven at night and i need at least seven hours sleep i love my sleep.Its funny you mentioned sleep cause i had a dream the other night and i was crying all the way through it and even though i was asleep i was aware that i was crying for real.

Anyway i need to set the alarm in the morning otherwise i wouldnt get up.It doesnt take me long to get to sleep.and i try not to stay awake worrying about things i just let my mind switch off.

 

i believe the most i have sacraficed would b, infact i dont know, my boyfriends really havent prohibited me from anything but seem to be generous. i

 

Thats really positive to hear , you must have a good boyfriend if he doesnt try to change you.(smiles)

 

what were these sacrafices that you culd have made?

 

Hm ok your getting to know something very personal about me now and your definetly going to scratch my surface!!.....ok in the last relationship (claire) i was prepared to give up my uni course to make her feel more comfortable about money.i offered it to her.but she said it was a bad idea which it was.Also she got pregnant and i was prepared to back her if she wanted the baby....i wanted it...but she decided she didnt want it which upset me a bit.You know i was prepared to really settle down and give it a try and also quit the course because of this.

 

kind of knew what you meant by doing it subconsciously, as if to say that you dont write down all that you analyse? have you ever gone away thinking of what ive put or responded? and if so why?

 

Its not so much i dont write down everything i analsyse.if there is something to type down i type it down.I dont think i have ever gone away thinking what you have put in particular, its funny you say that though cause at the very start of the post it amazed me i could find someone who i had things in common with and i did ask myself why you posted and what were the chances of you posting to my post......

But i definetly think of you and this topic , it crosses my mind in the day and its a nice thought knowing that i have some kind of relationship with someone up north somewere...but i dont over analyse it , or i try not to..i just try to enjoy it and respond...sorry im going off on one now.

 

how is making accusation such a positive thing?

 

Im not quite sure that i meant accusations.i just meant that sometimes whatever goes through my mind isnt always easy to exspress in words.but i suppose i have accused even though i didnt intentionally mean to.

 

what are the words your talking about when you said that you shoudlnt have said anything at all and that these words would only haunt you?

 

I dont know.......there have been many though i try not to look to much into the past.hmm let me see?....ok one example i remember with my lecturer at uni she was doing an evaluation of her course and her assignement , and she asked the class what she could improve on.And everyone kept quite agreeing with each other saying how good everything was.. .and then it came to my opinion....lol...and i turned round and i said "well haylee everything is fine apart from i think you could give us a break every now and again as i know that some people in the group would want one but they havent spoke up"..i didnt mean to be so forward but she agreed with me and she said she could improve on this and give a break every hour and a half for ten minutes etc.....but i think she saw this comment as a challenge but it wasnt...then she came down on me like a ton of bricks when i never turned up to a presentation.

Just one example.What do you think?.

 

Questions

 

when was the last time you became dragged under with the tide?

 

i carnt quite remember .......i dont think i ever have been apart from when i was younger when i was a really anxious sensitive person and i was probally heading for a breakdown.and my anxiaties was getting to much but then i vowed to change which i did.How about you?

 

when was the right the wrong and the wrong the right? (and you opted for differ)?

 

Good question...your making me think alot tonight!!.......sorry i dont know i carnt answer this tonight....sorry.

 

have you ever given up and regretted?

 

Yeah i suppose i have...i can answer both questions (also the one i missed out)..probally when i left claire and i told her i didnt love her.I regret saying that now as i know it was quite a hard thing to say to someone.I suppose when i said it i was still in love with her but that love had become negative and it wasnt getting us anywere.In hindsight i probally should have supported her a bit more and kept my mouth shut..and stuck it out even though i was unhappy at the time.But i know that she wouldnt have changed easily in not trusting me..which was hard to accept.But you know there are those thoughts in your head always asking what if ?...but those thoughts disappear as they arnt related to reality.

 

Sorry i keep on bringing up my past relationship but the past couple of weeks im learning were everything went wrong and what i did wrong and what i should of done..so i wont make those mistakes again.And its easier to answer your questions like this.

 

have you ever doubted others and been in the wrong?

 

Yeah i suppose i have ....sorry i carnt quite remember an instance though..hang on its probally when i lost some money probally about two years ago and i accussed my sister of stealing it..and then i found it in the end ..and i was wrong to accuse her.You might be looking for something a bit more deep but thats all i can think of sorry.

 

Your questions

 

Are you more the talker in conversations or the listner?

 

What keeps you awake at night ..worries etc...not your boyfriend!!

 

Have you ever regretted saying something to somebody?......and can i bit nosy.... and asked what it was you said?

 

Take care

[neva_black_n_white]

hey.

how are you?

im glad that you believe your exam went positively, at least thats something we have different, i have always had a problem when it comes to exams, i seem to do well but not what to my full standards, i panic and seem to feel that the answer is not as simple as what is actually set out and thereforeeee dont actually put whats being asked, i do googd but not my best, im better at case studies and assignments.

thanks for keeping me posted, like you i dont like to assume ive done well, nor do i like to put deadlines or expectancies, but thats something different to what were talking about.

 

your right, i probably should try meditating but thats something that has been on a to do list for several years and that to do list has got dust all over it, i guess its because i take each day as its own, i dont seem to plan too far ahead but instead on the day, and if that vaccancy is free its fate, i dont feel that everything should be put out in a designed way, but minority yes. if you can see the angle im coming from?

i tried yoga and learn that i was very flexible, i have the ability to bend in half and walk on but it seems to be im possible for others. lets try and explain it, do you know if you get your hand you can bend your feet well toes round cant you, so they tuck under your feet? do you know what i mean. well about a year and a half a go i learn that i could walk like that. odd i know, its one of those questions where you ask ''how and why did they learn to do that'' moving on, do you have any talents?

 

no i dont need an alarm, but what was actually happening in your dream to make you cry? i dont seem to have dreams like that but i do have repetative nightmares, ive always thoughts dreams and nightmares have reflected worries.

 

i have a great boyfriend.

 

what do you mean that you were prepared to quit a course because of money, so that she did not have to worry about the costs being put in for you to be within the placement? what would she have gained from you doing this? how did you feel abort her aborting your child, i mean you said that it affected you, but i guess ive always had an opinion that a woman should not set her mind on something whilst with a partner and talk over it, i dont know, i dont fully understand what happened in your relationship, was she not ready and you had to move on from this? sorry im asking a lot of questions.

 

i told you why i posted but its unlikely that i could know the chance of me actually posting, im assuming there very small.

 

But i definetly think of you and this topic , it crosses my mind in the day and its a nice thought knowing that i have some kind of relationship with someone up north somewere...but i dont over analyse it , or i try not to..i just try to enjoy it and respond...sorry im going off on one now.

thats positive, but in what ways could you over analyse this? or shall you not answer since you would have to over analyse to answer and would not want to know the answer to the question?

 

i understoud your example about the lecturer, its like accidently speaking your mind aloud, somehow purposely but spare of the moment, i know that i speak for the people, so to speak and end up saying a few too many things some times, i am one to push my luck if im honest but not all the time just one offs to see how the world goes round if you know what i mean.

 

the last time i got dragged under the tide would have to be becoming too emotionally involved with someone who i only knew over the internet and assumed i could help as they were suicidal but became very close and exchanged contacts and ended up being called as he, yeah wel thats about as much as i want to say, but it was something that i will remmeber and something i never realised was so signifcant until it happened. i took away all contacts from people who i was not personal with, meaning those who i didnt see because i was scared to become emotionally involved and about 4 or five months after i cam back online to reapproach people but i am more aware, and thats just the recent

 

its ok that you couldnt answer a question.

 

yes there a lot of questions with what if, sometimes i see pain in a lot of my relationships or even a negative to love like you did, pressuring you to move away, maybe those words werent as thought out as they could have been, but telling someone love is no longer an aspect is never going to be a simple thing anyway, can you see that? its like it has to be said just to ensure you dont lie to yourself, but sometimes we say it that tad bit wrong.

 

Sorry i keep on bringing up my past relationship but the past couple of weeks im learning were everything went wrong and what i did wrong and what i should of done..so i wont make those mistakes again.And its easier to answer your questions like this.

you dont have to apologise, i talk about my current relationship, and i have no intent on apologising no really, its a positive that you see what you do, hopefully i encouraged you to see what you already knew.

 

i feel for your sister by the way with the money aspect, but it happens to others, the first person they see they assume it was them, despite how close a relation or in possibility it was them, we still think for a split second ''was it them?''

 

MY questions

Are you more the talker in conversations or the listner?

i dont think this was too good of a question for me, i have too many wasy to respond, so ill go for the simple. when a person wants me to listen to them just for consolence i shall listen, if a person wants advice i shall speak out, or even a opinion, but on other grounds it tends to be equal, if i had my chance i wouldnt shut up but with the people im around, thres great competition.

 

What keeps you awake at night ..worries etc...not your boyfriend!!

lol, yeah he does. he doesnt actually stop at mine although he could. but thats a whole new story.

youve got me thinking in a sexual way now so im trying to think literal other than this without answering phone sex with my boyfriend.

let me think.

yes, worries do keep me up, along side stress, or if i have had a misunderstanding or a conversation that ended wrongly i have to ring to ensure that i can sleep not analyse what they may be analysing. i seem to worry alot and pick up different aspects of television or documentries that go through my head, assignments, and also the annoying bird that does sleep but has a repetative tune. but thats just a few reasons.

 

Have you ever regretted saying something to somebody?......and can i bit nosy.... and asked what it was you said?

yes, to all of them.

i remember being at a party one time and had recently started dating someone, it wasnt something significant in the sense that we were madly in live but had liked each other for a fair time, the party was going well but i felt isolated to him and when i like to be out and about i tend to get a little anxious and quick with remarks, so whilst having a conversation and being taken to a quite room whilst the others went on, i had my new date not speaking at all, sat holding my hand, and with holding me from what my true nature was. i ended up saying how that night he had bored me and this was something he really took to heart, the wording was inaccurate and was taken the wrong way as if this was a constant issue and hurt him. we patched it up but i coudnt feel more guilty than the way i made him feel, you know? like i shouldnt have been inpatient, maybe i shouldt have gone that night. but of all ishoudlnt have hurt him, its like water under a bridge now but people joke you know, its not something i would ever do again. it was a quick remark after being taken out of my natural habitat.

 

i guess it was because he was a great mate before and hed changed as soon as we dated, i didnt expect it and retaliated.

 

anyway im digging a hole and as my sister says, ive got to go find a ladder.

 

your questions today are within the text because there are so many.

hope your well.

kel

 

Take care

[woopsydaisy]

Hey kel yeah im doing fine thankyou..even though a little bored with life at the moment..i need something to happen big time .Im spending to much time at thome i should be out and about visiting people and having a good time with women.But i guess im not like that i wish i was (having so many women on the go, just casula sex).i have a friend who probally has about five women he sleeps with!!...i dont know how he does it..i would get to involved (emotionally i think) .

 

i dont seem to plan too far ahead but instead on the day, and if that vaccancy is free its fate, i dont feel that everything should be put out in a designed way, but minority yes. if you can see the angle im coming from?

 

Yeah i can understand were your coming from , nothing should be put in a designed way..and things dont always work out and its good to be flexible.But i need goals and i have to write down what i need doing in the day on a piece of paper each morning.

 

Yeah i know about that yoga position and you must be very flexiable indeed ....hey have you ever applied for a circus?..........do i have any talents hmmmm lol sorry the way you put that question well i do meditation and i can do yoga...but i dont do salsa any more......that petered out.......dont mind though.Hmmmm anyother talents not really i have skills which i use in day to day situations but i wouldnt call them talents.

 

no i dont need an alarm, but what was actually happening in your dream to make you cry?

 

[/quote well my brother had died and i was stuck in a flat morning his death i think and for some reason i had or i think my parents had two wolves as pets which started attacking me.lol lol...very weird i know and before you ask my parents dont keep wolves as pets!!..so i guess there was a lot of emotion in my dream without the hassle of wolves attacking me.

 

what do you mean that you were prepared to quit a course because of money, so that she did not have to worry about the costs being put in for you to be within the placement? what would she have gained from you doing this? how did you feel abort her aborting your child, i mean you said that it affected you, but i guess ive always had an opinion that a woman should not set her mind on something whilst with a partner and talk over it

 

What it was that she got all insecure about me not having any money.i really wanted to make the relationship work and i was struggling with my course at the time and i said to her look i will quit if you want me to ...so she would feel more secure.Silly i know.How did i feel about her aborting my child well i wasnt to happy about it .....but it was her body i was prepared to give it a go and be a dad etc etc.I remember the time when it was the queens silver jubilee celerbrations in hyde park in london..you know a couple of years ago with all the celebrations?.We went down to london that weekend and stopped with her brother and i remember been there with claire (hyde park watching the celebrations and concert)...anyway we discussed about not having the baby and it was obvious claire didnt want it.Anyway the beatles song started playing (all you need is love) and i remember cracking up and i started to cry in front of everyone , it was because of the baby.

I supported claire about not having the baby as she didnt want a baby to soon in a new relationship..and i could understand that but it was hard you know .I dont believe that you shouldnt keep things a secret when your partner has a right to know, if i found out claire went behind my back and had an abortion without consulting me i would hate her with passion (sorry).So i do respect her for at least consulting me.

 

i am one to push my luck if im honest but not all the time just one offs to see how the world goes round if you know what i mean.

 

can you give me an example on this...is it the case of just testing people out?.

 

I would like to know more to be honest about how the relationship with the person who was sucidal worked out...but i respect you if you dont want to talk about it.

 

maybe those words werent as thought out as they could have been, but telling someone love is no longer an aspect is never going to be a simple thing anyway, can you see that?

 

Yeah i can definetly see that...and to be honest i never really thought about saying that it just came out you know.I find it hard at times to think before saying things which is not always a good thing.Do you always think before you speak?

 

hopefully i encouraged you to see what you already knew.

 

Yeah i think you helped me ..thanks (smiles)

 

youve got me thinking in a sexual way now so im trying to think literal other than this without answering phone sex with my boyfriend.

 

Hey how come he doesnt stop over at your place i mean i can understandif you share rooms with your sister or something....sorry im being to nosy.And phone sex gezzz how does he cope i would be driving round to my girlfriends house no matter what time of the morning it was to ...*** anyway.Is the phone sex a punishment thing or something?.

 

and also the annoying bird that does sleep but has a repetative tune. but thats just a few reasons.

 

Whos this annoying bird i dont quite understand it.Do you have budgies in your room or something.I used to have budgies in my room and they were annoying(AbC) that was there names...i just had to throw a blanket over the cage everytime they started churping.Hey i know why your boyfriend doesnt sleep over(woopsydaisy jumps up and down in the air)..is it because of the churping??.!

 

had my new date not speaking at all, sat holding my hand, and with holding me from what my true nature was. i ended up saying how that night he had bored me and this was something he really took to heart,

 

You charmer!!..no i know what you mean it wasnt your environment .thats the sort of thing i would say.Good job im not your boyfriend we would thrown each other out of the window by now and continued to wrestle on the floor outside.

 

Hope your well to...im spending a lot of time at placement in schools working with children with special needs intresting ......what have been up to of late anyhow?

 

Questions in text

 

take care

[neva_black_n_white]

hey, im sorry that you feel bored by your life at the moment, but like weve discussed, you make your own life and you have to admit that if its boring its because you are boring yourself. you need to live life to what you yourself can make it, and if this means standing alone for one time to participate in this then go ahead and enjoy.

 

the only thing different to me and you is that if i know something like you did then about going out i wouldnt just think it i would do it if possible, your like me something intimate is too personal and you become emotionally involved, i dont know ive not been a person for casual sex so i wouldnt understand, nor do i understand when a person apparently ''gags for sex'' maybe its because i see it so differently but go get your right hand and enjoy or is a girl you should know how to have a good time, i dont know i think some people see sex as something that little too simple, which it can be, but some infact im going to stop, im in an emotional and analytical mood at the moment and would prefer not to go off on one today. sorry.

 

yeah you can write down thngs on a piece of paper for memory but i am not the person who would worry too much if one of those ideas mentioned was not taken place but participated in a new event. i mean life is flexible, i try to take it as it comes, i mean most things cant be planned! and if they do they seem to be set with too much tension. but thats on extra activities.

 

no ive never applied for a circus, even though i could see it being very entertaining ive always had my heart set on a different route of careers. i guess when i said talents i meant tricks or differences done with your body but ok for your answer.

 

well my brother had died and i was stuck in a flat morning his death i think and for some reason i had or i think my parents had two wolves as pets which started attacking me.lol lol...very weird i know and before you ask my parents dont keep wolves as pets!!..so i guess there was a lot of emotion in my dream without the hassle of wolves attacking me.

is that something your scared off? i mean are you worried that your brother will die or he will do something to himself to hurt himself? i guess i seem to have dreams that are relevant to me and wondered how this tied in with issues in your life or does it not at all? it seems like a very traumatic dream to be having.

 

im really sorry but todays been a little too deep for me, i will have to respond tomorrow, im posting this to show i tried to this point but had to stop sorry.

 

maybe if you read the post i set up on the board you may understand, im sorry for being a hinderance in this conversation.

hope your ok.

kel

[neva_black_n_white]

heya i appreciated the big hug and thought that life goes on and i prefer to talk that think so im going to have a go at this again, hope you dont mind that i did it in two half's but i have my reasons this time.

 

so your saying that you havent got money, im asssuming that the course took up a lot of what ever money it was that you did have and thereforeeee offered to leave the course? im just trying to summarise to get an accurate view. and i dont think it was silly, maybe now it is as you move on with the course and become more enlightened with it but at the time im assuming she and that gesture eant everything to you, im assuming also that it was thought over a long period of time and not judged within a day!

 

so you believe in prochoice then? that its a mothers option and body? even though it takes two for a child, was it because of the money she chose not to have the child or for other reasons? im not saying that i can see it being an easy decision. eas this part of the reason you broke up after her abourting the child? and yes i know the celebrations your taking about.

 

i can see why you respect her and having talked about it, how far into the relationship did it happen? i guess i have several reasons as to why i wouldnt abort, then their still remains cirumstances you know, and its obvious that feelings and decisions change when it comes to the moment, do you ever talk about it? how she chose to abort the child or is something that you prefer to leave as a distant memory? do you remain to get emotional or ever ponder over the ''what if?''

 

i guess i push my look in several ways, its usually done jokingly and often to test people, i dont know, sometimes i do it test a mans love but that is usually done within the first week and do not often feel the requirement or urge to do so. this is only because i analyse anyway as seen in my post, i cant think of an example is just one of those known characteristics you know?

 

in all honesty i dont want to speak about the friend who was suicidal its not a memory i want to upset myself over at this time sorry. i would only go too in depth to find several ways to blame myself, maybe another time, yeah?

 

Do you always think before you speak?

no, unless i know the question or comment really could change aspects drasticaly, i used to believe that a question and answer straight out was from the heart, but some times we take those uestions wrong, its often i speak without thinking, but i actually believe i make more mistakes thinking and not just saying.

 

i'll talk about my boyfriend another time, yeah? just sex and tak such as that isnt something on mine and his agenda at the minute. (as in its not something were fussing over because of a certain conversation)

 

i used to have a budgie he lived for ten years but died recently, but no its literal the annoying birds wake me up, nothing too deep just that

 

the way i met my boyfriend was (before we got together) as in first sighting, was when i went out with a group of friends, we enjoy differnt outdoor activities and get fed up of the usual. we had a few dilemmas to sort out so thought it was appropriate to go for a walk, im pretty immature sometimes and decided it was a good thing to slide down this hill well run to see who could get there first only to land on my backside two minutes after reaching the bottom, im one to always laugh at myself and i find things hilarious when i place it upon myself, so people were having a laugh as i laid back in mud to face up to the fact that nice fresh clothes were now ruined and to lighten the mood dragged people down with me. to say that im not amazingly young it felt that way, i love to return to youthful moment, well the first day he ended up flipping me over his shoulder carrying me in a firemans life and then chucking me on the ground only to sit on me. it was hilarious. its like you take your little cousins to the park but your the first on a ride, just because its a good memory, thats what that day was like. i look pretty good coaked in mud.

 

anyway to the point, yeah, we wouldnt make a good couple

 

so whats the best child hood memory you hold?

what do you do to feel free and childish?

(other questions in text)

 

hope your ok, and thanks again,

kel

[neva_black_n_white]

im going for a hatrick in posting because well yeah your a man you know what i mean.

but i wanted to say thanks for helping me out the other day, things have brightened up some what and i guess only the future can tell us what is to come now. but i ever wondered, have you ever been on the recieving end of a rebound relationship?

 

kel

[woopsydaisy]

Hi kel.....sorry about the delay.Ive still got this bug on the computer tryed for three hours yeaterday trying to sort it out...no luck.Went out on a mad one last night...when to this club which was playing speed garage.it was preety good actually good vibe...then once that ended quewed up outside again for another hour to get into the club again which was opening from 3 till 7.

Left about 5 i went with my sister and my mate ...had a really good time but this time the music was funky house...i love that music and i was dancing non stop just on water no substances to keep me going.I like dance clubs and i used to spend every week end in them a couple of years ago and totally had a hedonistic time...until i calmed down...if im going to get back into the dance scene again though i will have to be a bit more err lets carefull and not so full on.But i love dancing though and people are always amazed at were i get my energy from i feel completely at one with myself when im dancing.

 

How are you bearing up anyway....i hope your keeping busy and your sorting your problems out?.

 

so your saying that you havent got money, im asssuming that the course took up a lot of what ever money it was that you did have and thereforeeee offered to leave the course?

 

yeah you could say that........its was hard not having any money and it was frustrating not being able to put as much money into the relationship as claire was doing but she was working (social worker) and had more money than me.It was silly really offering to give up the course but at the time it was the case of if i could find a way of making the relationship more solid in any sense i would of done whatever it would have taken to make it more solid.

 

so you believe in prochoice then? that its a mothers option and body? even though it takes two for a child, was it because of the money she chose not to have the child or for other reasons?

 

No it wasnt because of the money it was the case that we had only been going out for about six months and it wasnt planned......it was just bad timing but coming from a background and having the beliefs i have it was a hard descion to go through but it it was an even harder descion to go through for her.And yes we talked about it but ultimately it was her descion and i dont want to go through it all over again with someone else.And yes it has effected me sometimes i see dads playing with there children...giving them piggy backs..or even passing a school with children playing is hard at times.

 

can see why you respect her and having talked about it, how far into the relationship did it happen? i guess i have several reasons as to why i wouldnt abort, then their still remains cirumstances you know, and its obvious that feelings and decisions change when it comes to the moment, do you ever talk about it? how she chose to abort the child or is something that you prefer to leave as a distant memory? do you remain to get emotional or ever ponder over the ''what if?''

 

I tryed to answer all this above.

 

i guess i push my look in several ways, its usually done jokingly and often to test people, i dont know, sometimes i do it test a mans love but that is usually done within the first week and do not often feel the requirement or urge to do so. this is only because i analyse anyway as seen in my post, i cant think of an example is just one of those known characteristics you know?

 

Regarding your situation now or had last week do you think it will change you in some sense not wanting to know certain things or?....how has it affected you and wanting to know things regarding relationships?.

 

in all honesty i dont want to speak about the friend who was suicidal its not a memory i want to upset myself over at this time sorry. i would only go too in depth to find several ways to blame myself, maybe another time, yeah?

 

Of course i wont bring it up again .

 

Hey i liked the bit when you described going down the hill and you fell over i had certain pictures in my mind when you said that and it brought a smile to my face.

 

so whats the best child hood memory you hold?

 

 

I like this question....i think the best childhood memory i have is when i visted great yarmouth when i was about five we stopped in this hotel which had so many rooms..and i played hide and seek with my brother and i can remember how i could hear my brothers pattering of feet and the shutting of doors as he was trying to find a place were he could hide from me on the floor above me.And i was there in anticipation counting up to twenty or whatever it was with my eyes closed trying to work out were about he was( by the noises he was making)..and just been so excited and so eager to find him.

 

Sorry i have mucked up on the quoting system>Outside in the garden my dad is trying to free a squirrell which i s trapped between a fence and a wall ...the cat chased him down it..so i have been distracted by that.

 

what do you do to feel free and childish?

 

Well i have mentioned it above...i love dancing and i could dance all night.i just feel totally free...especially dancing in clubs were there is no attitude for whatever reason (dance clubs)...everyone having a good time smiling away making friends...met this lad last night who was on his own ..because his friends didnt want to come out.Anyway met him in the que for the club and i said to him come along and join are group dont hang about on your own and he appreciated that..its nice when you meet new people.

 

Im going out tonight as well three nights on the trot...i shouldnt be really but got to make the most of it uh.

 

Anyway i have questions for you in the text...plus what did you get up to this weekend?

 

Also i have joined a dating agency (makes cringing funny weird face).plus im going to do that speed dating i think at the end of the month...im moving on at last i think.

 

anyway to the point, yeah, we wouldnt make a good couple

 

 

You charmer !!

 

Take care and i hope things are going as well as they can be liam

[neva_black_n_white]

heya liam, its alright honest. just wanted to ask a few things and thought i should respond, since the time i spend on here should be get away time not wondering about things that torment me. anyway. sorry to hear about your computer having a bug.

 

it sounds like you had a great night, and no alcohol thats pretty impressive, then again that would have only dehydrated you and you wouldnt have been able to dance as long! would you call yourself a good dancer?

 

do you release a lot of emotions when dancing then, like i would say i release a lot of my emotions through poetry, is that where you can really scream out and be who you wish to be?

 

im bearing up pretty well, being a little too analytical doesnt help but its on the up you know? i guess i seen potential in my preoblems so things to be a little more enlightening, i spoke with my boyfriend a lot and we had a lot of venting and emotion, but it was odd i didnt need to listen to his words to believe what he was saying, but his eyes and body language and the way he touched me when he was speaking, ive never seen him so scared before which was odd, you see sometimes its hard to get him to talk but this time he wanted to explain so much and it was hard to watch him hurt but i needed to understand you know? but it seems to be on the up. hes away at the minute and like i said thats giving me some time to think about the way i feel, i did quite a few posts regarding him and how everything affects me so i feel like a load is off my back and i now see clearer, you know, when something prevents you from seeing the light but your heart shows you the way to the brighter view, that was what i looked for.

 

but yeah, thankyou for asking.

 

when you talk about making the relationship with clair more solid, wouldnt it have been that you leaving the course would have weakened it, only to leave the course and not fulfill what you wanted to graduate in woudl have thereforeeee meant that you would have not have had qualifications, wasted the money already inputted and instead of waiting that little bit longer to earn you wouldnt have had anything? its not silly maybe your heart took the lead in this one and didnt look at what was the barriers later on

how long were you in the course at that point?

 

was there any pointed that you felt hatred or resentment that you didnt keep the child? i mean you speak about seeing fathers and these what ifs, was there a lot of love loss?

 

Regarding your situation now or had last week do you think it will change you in some sense not wanting to know certain things or?....how has it affected you and wanting to know things regarding relationships?.

tough question, its like when you asked me not to say as many questions, that was a huge part of me to take away, i am so inquisative, so analytical that my heart as well as my head looks for answers, its done subconsciously and not planned i just ask, im lucky to be in a relationship where he is truthful and yes it did hurt but it would have hurt more for me to find out he was lying. i think i will prevent myself from asking certain questions but if its something that stresses me out enough to ask the way i did then i cant help but ask. it has enlightened me on relationship but i learn that my boyfriend intended the question to be answered in the way of ''if you werent with anyone who else would you be with'' but it still hurt how he put it into present tense and relevant to me. i guess we all have our hitches and questions will be mine. i dont think this answer will stop me from asking, i mean the situation and surroundings at that point wasnt at allset or serious we were having an amazingly good time, laughing and joking and being a little bit dirty and thats why we were joking and it was something we asked about people we knew. i cant explain it but i can understand, like i said earlier.

 

i guess i will have to see how much i ask.

 

you can ask about the friend just not now.

 

Hey i liked the bit when you described going down the hill and you fell over i had certain pictures in my mind when you said that and it brought a smile to my face.

im glad you smiled at it, i like to laugh at myself and its a pretty humerous memory, bad things littlerly come in threes with me, it was like yesterday i went out and i looked like someone out the scene from r kelly do you know the one on monday and tuesday and wednesday... i cant remember the title.

but i went out to but i piece of jewellery for a friends birthday and a small gift for my boyfriend just because i wanted to, and i shook this pop earlier because i remember a friend saying how hers were still and we'd got the same meal bar me having a different drink, so i was walking up this lane, looking quite good might i say, and i untwisted this bottle and the entire drink swuirted and i had men running towards me going look out because i wasnt taking note, but i learnt not to do that again, then i tripped and then i lost my bad. but it was a funny day and the sun made up for it

 

yeah hide and seek was all the rage when we were litte, that was describe really ell, you made me laugh and vision it. so that sounds pretty good a memory, smiles>

 

LOL about the squirral im like that easily distracted, i try to read sometimes and often end up reading a page three times because i become distratced, then again i either love and connect with a book or i dont!

 

yeah i like meeting new people

 

this weekend was a little hard on me, thrsday friday were made up sorting things out with my boyfriend, but he went away friday night and he was taking to me 7 saturday morning, but saturday i went out shopping, with my hatrick stupidity and i saw a few of the girls. today was an in day, mainly because we made it a family day, we went out a little but we were all together as a family, and im going out with the girls later.

 

im glad your moving on, speed dating seems something that looks really interesting and even though first impressions make a difference it kind of shows a persons inner depths, im assuming.

 

sorry, i just dont think we would make a good couple, i think you said it first

 

ok questions for you:

when you meet someone what do you look for?

what is a turn off both physically and non?

what do you remember your family for e.g. is your dad the practical joker who chases squrials? are you the one who watches pigeons? infact do you all have an animal fetish

 

have you ever felt so connected to someone you hardly knew, how and why?

 

and im getting there (i can always put on a false smile if not)

hope your ok also, you little party goer!

kel

[woopsydaisy]

Hi kel.i hope your having a good bank holiday and you enjoyed going out last night.Went out myself last night and i got very drunk.I dont like myself to get to drunk and i dont really drink at all if i can help it , i can enjoy myself without drink.i can remember myself last night on the dancefloor doing silly dancing and drinking from a bottle of wine..shamefull!!

 

 

would you call yourself a good dancer?

 

Hm i have been told i am a good dancer by a few people but i dont like to think of myself as one.My mum wanted me to dance when i was younger and i used to mimick micheal jackson when i was younger(cringes)........i have always been into dancing and as i said earlier i used to go clubbing a hell of a lot.But yeah im preety confident that i am preety good but i dont like to think about it to much.I would say i relese my emotions in a way i guess but not much.I always find when i dance i dont think at all , i just try and be one with the music and the beat...hard to exsplain...but i would see dancing as a form of exspression.

 

Its good that your taking what has happened positevely.Even though its hard and i carnt really understand how hard it is.Its important that he is honest with you, and your right that its better to be honest than tell a lie.I just hope that you dont beat him up about it to much as you dont want him to hold back in the future and not tell you the truth fearing that you might take it negatively.Anyway i admire you for being positive.

 

You asked about claire and the baby.im finally getting over claire i think and i think its time to move on i have learnt i think.But yeah it was a stupid idea to want to leave the course but i was just following my heart which is not a good thing all the time.I had only just started the corse by the way first year.But its hard as i have exsplained before not to hold any resentment.i suppose its very easy to be bitter about the abortion thing and i try not to think to much about it for obvious reasons.

 

at that point wasnt at allset or serious we were having an amazingly good time, laughing and joking and being a little bit dirty

 

You and your dirty mind!!

 

so i was walking up this lane, looking quite good might i say,

 

I like your modesty!!....and yeah it was a funny story..and you had men running towards to you you must of looked good!!.

 

Ok questions for me

 

 

 

when you meet someone what do you look for?

 

Im presuming you mean girls.........or ..i dont know who you mean exactly but i judge male and female exactly the same.It doesnt matter what sex really you know when i meet women lets say who are attractive i never put on an act i just be myself.I like humour in people and people who also are good at communicating and being themselves.I dont like pretensious people not at all.I like people with an open mind as well who can make me see things from a diffrent perspective.

 

what is a turn off both physically and non?

 

Pysically im not really that turned off by anyone i think there is beauty in everyone.......non pysically i get turned off by snobs and racist people and as i said pretensious people.Ok im no angel myself and to many i have lots of faults , and you know i try not to judge people as well ..even though its hard.But most of all i dislike liars.

 

what do you remember your family for e.g. is your dad the practical joker who chases squrials? are you the one who watches pigeons? infact do you all have an animal fetish

 

Oh my .....were did this come from?!! lol animal fetishes?!!.yeah every weekend i have to chase a sheep around just so i can feel its wool and i can rub my hands over it?!!...and my dad chases squirrells wearing illuminous shorts.

 

No i just remember my family who have been through a lot of turmoil i guess and still come out being together still being a unit.I really admire my parents as i have said before they are best friends and lovers at the same time..thats what i want.

 

have you ever felt so connected to someone you hardly knew, how and why?

 

I have done in the past i guess it was just a sharing of minds .In past relationships with the opposite sex i have always felt that connection with whoever i have been with at the beginning.As i have said i think its just a sharing of minds when two people can be themselves and not hold back plus having the same morals and ways of thinking.Its weird when it happens.

 

I have to go out now again can you answer the same questions please as i think thease are good questions..

 

Take care and stay positive.

[neva_black_n_white]

i have just writ an amazing post to you and even though i was upset before hand it made it worse when my computer lost it, ill return later when ive chilled out to respond.

 

for some reaosn the world hates me at the minute!

 

kel

[neva_black_n_white]

hey liam, sorry about the time delay to actually respond to your post in a decent and mature manner, my reasons for hating certain aspects always seem petty once i review them yet they still seem to pull me down, so sorry for the before post. and my reason for not being on here was because i really needed to escape alot more, i welt out with the largest group of friends ever for a party and danced the entire night away at the hotel, so im lightened up now, just tired after coming in at 12:30 and sleeping finally around 2. with a 6 o clock wake up this really wasnt necessary but deffinitley worth while!

 

its not shameful that you went out and had a drink, but im a person thats as long as the atmosphere is good im as loud and bubbly as i would have been if id poored a few drinks down my neck, like last night, i didnt want to get too dehydrated so stuck to simple drinks and didnt need alcohol i was completely loving the entire night, and everyone and the atmosphere was amazing.

 

bank holiday for me was a lovely day. i went out with the girls to some past places tpo reminis (cant spell the word) over the past, we took a walk to my old house, the entire day spent with memories and filling in details that we used to love, it was a very childish but also mature day, i enjoyed it, and so did the girls, it wasnt emotional until we finished walking 7 hours later and it hit home exactly what memories were at these places, you know?

 

 

i can understand what your saying when speaking about dancing and expresses the way you felt, i can remember being the one to really pull people together (along side others) last night, and i must have danced for a straight i dont know how many hours but im still really (let me find a smiley for thia) but more so.

 

as for taking things positively we (being me and my boyfriend) had one of the longest and personal talks two days ago and it really did open up a few things showing how much we meant to each other, he went to a party the other night and once he gets with the lads he is one of the lads, they were drinking having a laugh and it came down to different sexual games and getting into positions for points and everything but he sat out because he saw it as cheating, and it really i dont know empowering when people spoke of it to me, he just laughed and basically was talking all night and then he text me. i dont know, i believe i do trust him that ounce more, you know? step by step we ARE getting there.

 

im going to be quiet about clair and the baby now because i am the reason for you bringing up the past.

 

maybe running was an exaggeration more like a fast pace, but i will have to point out a film with an example of it for you to understand that day.

 

 

when you meet someone what do you look for?

i dont really loook for anything, i believe that if you were yto go out with a picture you would not succeed but only miss out on true destiny or those who have true hearts. i believe a person has things they like in people, like i like a man to have nice teeth but i wouldnt avoid someone if there were not immaculate, can you see that? i guess i have good teeth because my boyfriend jokes about having soul teeth because our teeth are pretty much identicle.

 

have you ever had someone say something to you that made you feel really nice?

i can remember when first dating my boyfriend, he was lying next to me and we were relaxing and he ran his hands slowly accross my face and said ''did you know the second most sensitive part of your boyd is your nose?'' and kisses me really delicatley on the nose, it was really nice.

 

what is a turn off both physically and non?

narcissm

a person who cannot see others views

someone who has an answer to every question and never allowing other doors to be opened

a person with a set agenda

 

(these arent really judgemental things but maybe aspects i dont understand as much or appreicate, i know i may be harsh in what im saying but its me being honest.

 

have you ever felt so connected to someone you hardly knew, how and why?

 

yes but thats one of those where i dont want to answer the how.

 

questions for you:

1; have you ever been engulfed by just a persons words?

2; what one thing are you insecure about, something you will pick up in conversation and assume someone is making a dig?

3; when do words hurt? do strangers words hurt you?

and

4; have you ever heard the song ''how do you feel?''?

 

sorry about the delay, again, kel

 

p.s. hope your ok

[woopsydaisy]

Hey kel its not a problem that you didnt reply ..hey you was having a good time wasnt you and you deserved that so im pleeased ok.So you was dancing for a couple of hours thats a good thing.The only problem i have dancing for so long is that i get a bit anxious about my weight.I have a preety toned figure and if i lose any more weight i look to skinny.I carnt put any weight on but i can sure enougth lose it... weird.

 

And i admire you for being positive with your boyfriend..and he sounds cute i must say.Its a shame you know when people are afraid to open up and just be themselves .It looks like your boyfriend doesnt have a problem with this and all the more reason to stick with him...as it seems like hes been true to himself and to others .

 

I know what you mean about the memories..and yeah its nice to reminise and look back..and then you realise how life goes so quick its preety scary to say the least.

 

Yeah you be quiet about claire and the baby !! lol...no i appreciate you being sensitive cause it is a sensitive subject.By the way i have just written a letter to claire which i have with me at this very moment which im thinking wether to send or not....descions descions...hmmmmm (scratches stuble).

 

Anyway whats this film your on about?

 

(these arent really judgemental things but maybe aspects i dont understand as much or appreicate, i know i may be harsh in what im saying but its me being honest.

 

 

So you should be with me..!!..no thankyou and whats wrong with having certain beliefs.

 

; have you ever been engulfed by just a persons words?

 

Yeah i think so.but i carnt remember an individual case when..oh yes i have i remember now.When me and my brother had an argument and he called me weird and it really hit a core deep down and i got really really upset and i will always remember it.Plus when my ex told me that everytime i $$$$ another girl i hope i see my exs face..not nice.

 

what one thing are you insecure about, something you will pick up in conversation and assume someone is making a dig?

 

Im not sure ..there hasnt been that many cases i dont think were people has dropped hints like that.I can look into certain words if i want to far to much and be anxious about what people say but to be honest i havent done that in a while.I think if it happened i would try and sort it out straight away i hate bitching about people and if there are any problems i try and sort things out straight away.I maybe come accross way to assertive for you...but im not that hard honest i have just learnt to assert myself ..through past exsperiences.

 

when do words hurt? do strangers words hurt you?

and

 

No to be quite frank if people want to judge me and say hurtfull things ..then so be it.I dont really care if people want to judge me like that when they dont even know me..strangers dont even know what im like as a person so if they want to critise so be it.I respect their views but if they dont want to be tactile then they must accept the wrath of gollum..(does a sweeping movement with his arm over his shoulder to impersonate a cloak ...and cackles).

 

 

 

have you ever heard the song ''how do you feel?''?

 

No who wrote this im intrested?

 

Questions for you

 

1. Can i ask why you wrote the bit at the bottom of your profile that you love your boyfriend...cute i must say but why?

 

2.What are your insecurities?

 

3.Have you ever being engulfed by a persons words?

 

going to see kill bill 2 tonight .hi yaaaaaaaa

[neva_black_n_white]

Well hello again, its oddly really nice to see you again, well not see you but have a reply you know? i dont know why it just felt nice, i mean im used to having replies but this is more of a realisation and educational/ opinionated conversation than a dilemma, can you see that?

 

yeah i was dancing for a long enough time, and i did enjoy it, thankyou for saying i deserved it, it was very sweet! i understand what you mean about weight, like i mentioned before i am very tiny with people seeing me as having an eating disorder, but like today i went and had dinner at mc donalds with some friends ordered a large big mac and never feel the effect, i swear i could go in a whole savoury store and wouldnt gain more than a pound (by the way im a savoury girl not sweet, i.e. chips and cheese, or at the cinemas, nachos cheese and salsa source or salted pop corn - i saw that you were going to watch a film)

 

Thankyou for what you said about my boyfriend, we put oddly devised words into correct gramma and came out with the right responces after the mishap that night, and we actually seem to opening up a lot more, we sat down and spoke for a very long amount of time the past couiple of days, and we saw how differently each other took a situation so we have resolved different issues and are on track. and ys he is very cute .

 

yes life really does go quickly. its like an hour glass though, you cant stop it from running out so go along with the tide and make the most of it.

 

Hhhm, this letter to clair, well im going to have to scratch the surface just slightly, what is it that the letters about? other wise i can never give an opinion on not to send it but more so would you like an opinion or would you prefer to be in control of your own life experiances and clair being a large portion of your life i feel that you should take this question in your stride and think, you know? so you dont have to explain but if you do, i will voice my opinion if you would like it.

 

Anyway whats this film your on about?

i dont know i have to find one yet, im not one for chick flicks so i guess i will have to get them out of A cypboard and check them out

 

and as for ''whats wrong with certain beliefs'' their isnt, but those are mine, and at the minute im trying to stay stable enough to keep them!!

 

i can see how those words hurt, why did your brother see you as weird? its odd how family members who care for each other hurt each other, it happens within my family, due to the fact they know each others weaknesses. i dont see what people gain though!

 

yuor really going for the whole swearing today ,smiles and looks confused but alright>

 

i can see your point of view regarding strangers but i cant be that frank, i would feel that my image of body language would be putting something negative accross for a person to react in such a negative way if not provoked.

 

dido writ the song how do you feel, i was out with my sister when she put it on, i will have to check the name but its a very powerful song.

 

Questions for me!!

 

1. Can i ask why you wrote the bit at the bottom of your profile that you love your boyfriend...cute i must say but why?

yes you may ask, i had a conversation with my boyfriend about feeling, and not being ashamed of the way you feel for a person and why, and its not that i am ashamed as people around me know, and he does and i express fully why, but after bitterly coating certain aspects i realised this last week just how much i felt for my boyfriend, i didnt want to stay quiet, and i guess this is my attempt at literally shouting it out to the world. we kind of did it sincronised as he has a name written for me.

i cant explain it, i or more so we did it through impulse, it felt right.

 

2.What are your insecurities?

on what level? how i feel or what others make me feel? its too open of a question. and i could go on for hours

 

3.Have you ever being engulfed by a persons words?

yes deffinitley, a persons words hit home quick, i can and am sometimes a stubbourn person to those close and it results in an argument for us to realise just how much we mean to each other, (this is just one particular person) and due to my honesty and her being close i dont keep secrets but we both know how to hit it where it hurts but metaphorically so others dont see.

 

words do hit home when i begin to analyse as well, thats why i dont sleep until i understand different things that have happened through out a day.

 

 

your questions:

1: im feeling positive at the minute, but what have been your high and low moments of the past week?

2: do you feel that there will ever be enough words (do you understand what i mean)?

3: there a lot of questions in the text will you take a look and respond to them?

 

kel