Conflicted (hypnotherapy, too)

[CynicalGuitarist]

I've been very conflicted lately.

 

On one hand, I've been doing as much as I can to try and better myself, be as pro-bono as I can be in these times, "love thyself", and all... but none of it seems to make a difference. I try putting on a smile, doing tons of physical labor until my muscles ache, don't bother with drama kings/queens, and act like nothing bothers me; but it does. Sometimes, I wonder how much being a 'nice guy' really works.

 

Nothing's changed; I stopped pumping the porpoise everyday but I'm still horny. I try to be as pleasant as possible, but some people still want me beaten to a pulp and to rob me. I try to make friends, but the only ones that will hang out with me are the ones with more problems than your average crack addict. I gave up on love for good, but the animal instinct still looms. I want to spend my life singing in a famous art/prog rock band, but I have ridiculous stage fright. I think about life outside the slave ship and daydream about freedom, when I realize I am still a chained "savage". The computer still fails me and I have to press the REFRESH button over and over to get a single website. I keep hoping nothing fails on my car when I drive it so I never enjoy driving. I'm still too broke to buy any anime much less manga. I still sometimes have good dreams (not nightmares) about the world coming to a complete end. I still can't even get a job at fast food without some a-hole manager making it seem so much more epic than it really is. Somedays, I still daydream about breathing my final breath and escaping this giant slave ship of a planet.

 

I was also wondering about hypno-therapy. I've heard it can work wonders on a lot of my different kinds of problems. I know nothing's supposed to work like a charm... but I've spent YEARS at plain old counseling and even tried a couple types of anti depressants as a teen and risperadal a couple years ago... didn't work. I was the same as ever, except I either zonked out or had serious appetite problems. However, I have beliefs in reincarnation and past lives (ones I don't share with people around me who are usually staunch Atheists or fundamentalist Christians) and maybe if I regress far enough into my past, I might find a few answers and can get on with my life. Sure, perhaps I have some nasty things buried in my subconscious, but I'm tired of letting my problems push me around and falling on solutions that simply don't work. I've got to face myself now or never. I don't want to end up holding it all in like my dad did.

 

Anyone here try hypnotherapy or know anything about self-hypnosis? What happened, or how did it change your life?