Casperlady Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Ok so it is obvious I have to accept the fact that its over, my problem now is I am so hurt and in so much pain, I cant focus on study, NC is impossible as he is now the newest member of my group of friends and even when he is not there I here about him, I feel so hurt when I hear he has been confiding in one of my best friends or when I hear he is coming out to our local its not fair I cant distance myself from him. I want to eventually just be friends with him cause he is generally a nice guy and a good friend I just need enough time away from him to heal and it isnt happening Please help especially if you have been in a similar situation[-o Link to comment
jxl Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I'm in exactly the same situation. I've only just started to let go of hope but it still creeps back in every now and then. There is no easy way out but each day it will getting easier and easier. Some days you may take a step back but don't kick yourself but understand that you're just human and feeling. Why not tell your friends to be sensitive around you. Really try to have no contact with him in any way until you have healed otherwise you'll be back to square one. It was my birthday last weekend and just a simple text from my ex put me way back. Keep busy busy busy! However impossible it is to motivate yourself to get up and do stuff you need to push yourself. Speak to your friends and make sure they are helping you get up and do stuff. You'll get there and I know you'll come out the other side better for it! Take care Link to comment
Casperlady Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Thanks. Just found out he is going to be out with us tonight he has gotten my bestfriend to drop him into town and he is going to meet us in there egh I really cant keep on like this he is the most selfish guy I have ever been with the others granted were friends of my friends too but at least they spent most of their time with their friends so I didnt have to see them often or for very long which was great cause now I dont feel anything for them they are more like brothers than exes Link to comment
agape-mama Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I feel for ya, Casperlady. I'm in a similar situation... it's challenging to find a way to accept that its over, but I'm just trying my best to stay busy, do things that are fun for me, and telling myself that if it WAS meant to be, then it would have been better. (or different) I believe that all things happen for a reason. Perhaps you can try your best to spend time with your friends, and not him. I think it will just take time. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself the space and time you need to heal. Good Luck! Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 You can and should break the pattern. You can tell your friends that you need to NOT hear about him for a couple months til you get over him, and you should make a point of going places you know you won't see him (explore new restaurants, clubs, whatever), and have your closest friends meet you out places or in your home or theirs for dinner when he's not invited. You don't have to do things as a big giant gang of friends unless you want to, and for a while it is important for you to get some distance and get over him. just quietly withdraw from group activities, and only see the friends who are really close and important to you, and ask them not to talk about him for a while, and you'll let them know when you're ready to do so. it's your life, so take control! Make this a time to experiment with new places and things, and you'll do fine and eventually can see him and not care about it. Link to comment
Casperlady Posted March 15, 2009 Author Share Posted March 15, 2009 Ok well last night sucked again, thankfully he wasnt out with us for the whole night, he was however in the club, where he pretended to be my friends boyfriend to get rid of some lads that were annoying her, he didnt speak or even look at me, and I feel like crap, so today I plan on going talkin to my friends and asking for their help and hopefully they put my feelings first if they dont then they arent true friends. Link to comment
Casperlady Posted March 15, 2009 Author Share Posted March 15, 2009 Well I talked to my friend about it and this was her reply "well we've all been good friends for a while, so unfortunately he'll be around. falling for a friend is not good, believe me. worse when they're part of your social circle. Its something you have to grin and bear and hopefully come out stronger at the end of it. I suppose if you do wanna get over him, try not to be in situations where being with him is an option. which is very difficult when ya like someone! but worth it in the long run." So not much help there the thing that really annoys me about this is I have been friends with my friends for 2 and a half years now and I knew the majority of them from school before that just wasnt as good friends as now anyway in the time that we have been really good friends I had never seen them even talk to this guy until back in late august when he was at the house warming, it was me that started asking him to hang out with us and its only in the last 2 or 3 months that they have all become really good friends I dont like that she has just said that too me and she really seems to have little or no regard for my feelings i do believe that she may have feelings for him and this is just adding to that my life sucks Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Then she's not good a friend. If i had a friend who broke up with someone i certainly wouldn't invite the two of them to the same party for a while to consider everyone's feelings. When breakups like his happen, you discover who your true friends are. I'd jettison any of them who are this insensitive. Link to comment
Casperlady Posted March 16, 2009 Author Share Posted March 16, 2009 I know she isnt, I wouldnt do it to her all her ex-boyfriends are not part of our group, we barely speak to them when we see them to save her feelings, we warned her not to get involved with the last guy again as he slept with her best friend the first time round and we knew he was no good but because she "loved" him we gave him the benefit of the doubt and got along with him for her and when it ended rather than tell her we told you so we were there for her yet when i ask for the same thing she pretty much says i told you so you get over it why should we stop hanging out with him I am hurt by it and unfortunately she is the most popular of our group and what she does everyone follows I just dont seem to be able to get any true friends never have and looks like i never will. Link to comment
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